I found a lover to my wife: How kukolda destroy patriarchy
CANDY LIVED IN MARRIAGE FOR SEVEN YEARS and all this time she sought to diversify her sex life: BDSM, toys, costumes, new poses. It seemed that her husband was not particularly inclined to experiment - everything suited him. But after much persuasion, he still shared his fantasy: he wanted Candy to have sex with another man in front of him.
Candy was surprised, but did not feel any rejection and offered to think about it together. For a start, her husband suggested she go for an erotic massage session - Candy agreed, and since then events began to develop rapidly. First, massage, then correspondence and flirting with other men on the Internet - Candy began to carefully search for potential lovers on special dating sites with the support of her husband. As a result, her betrayals became a familiar affair for the couple, from which they both enjoyed themselves. Candy - seksvayf, her husband - Kukold, and their sexual preferences - not exotic, but a popular fetish.
Breaking taboo
The word "kukold" (translated from English - "cuckold") first appeared in the medieval English poem of unidentified authorship "Owl and the nightingale" and refers to the bird cuckoo (bird), which lays its eggs in foreign nests. At first, kukoldi were called husbands who did not know about the betrayal of their wife and understood this as a result of a sudden pregnancy or at birth of a child unlike them. Cuckold is an insult that challenges the masculinity that is used even in politics. For example, the alternative right from the United States calls their less aggressive colleagues in the cuckservatives movement (from conservatives), referring to traditional Republicans and hinting at their lack of radicalism, racial tolerance and compromise stance towards the democrats.
Patriarchal society expects that a man will be adamant in matters of treason, and his wife’s desire to have a lover is treated as a terrible insult. That is why in many countries a woman can pay for treason with death and eternal shame, and in more progressive regions she can face social condemnation or domestic violence.
Men's treason, in turn, were traditionally justified - either by religion, allowing polygamy or prescribing complete submission to the husband, then the economic dependence of women, or speculative studies confirming male polygamy as opposed to female monogamy.
In a kukolding, a man wants to feel humiliation from the superiority of his wife's lover and the threat of losing his partner forever.
In general, while female infidelity remains taboo, male condemned from the point of view of inability to comply with the agreement, but in principle is perceived as something inevitable. In addition, different attitudes towards women and men who are faced with partner betrayal. A woman, as a rule, causes sympathy or reproaches for insufficient efforts to maintain relationships, while a man is immediately recognized as a failure, unable to “discipline” his wife.
Of course, the ban always causes the desire to violate it. So now "kukold" or "kukolding" is not just an insult, but also a fetish, in which only a woman practices treason - her husband remains perfectly faithful. This practice is different from swing and polyamory, in which both partners have equal sex with other people. In a kukolding, a man wants to feel humiliation from the superiority of his wife's lover and the threat of losing his partner forever.
Kukold is quite popular, and his fantasies about him and beat all records. In 2012, neuroscientists Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam analyzed billions of searches in search engines for the book “Billion dirty thoughts” and found out that the pornography category “Kukold” became the second most popular after the query “young”. Over the past twelve years, the number of search queries in Google for the word "kukold" has more than doubled, and the number of participants in thematic groups and forums on the same Reddit is measured in tens of thousands of people.
Racism and "alien" children
Kukold everyone practices in his own way. "I like to watch my wife going to meet her lover - put on her best clothes, dress up to like her boyfriend, and then wait for her to return from a date," writes one of the users of the popular forum OurHotWives.org. Some men prefer to languish in anticipation of the house and be content with photos or stories, while others want to watch for betrayal. "I am present somewhere on the half dates of my wife, the rest of the time she wants to spend with him alone. Her will is the law for me," says Kukold with the image of his naked partner on an avatar.
By and large, the kukold is a type of sadomasochism and female sexual domination. "My wife's lover forbade me to have sex. My wife was worried about how I would react to this, and said many times that I didn’t have to go for it. But I happily agreed, because I like to obey the alpha male. sex only excited me even more, "explains a thread member about the humiliation in the cuckold. Someone is not limited to a taboo on sex and even forbids her husband to masturbate. In general, the whole arsenal of ways to feel humiliated and abandon traditional masculinity is used. "My admiration for my wife has reached such a level that I can no longer imagine how I will have sex with her again. Let a more worthy man do it, and for myself I bought a men's chastity belt," writes a forum member under the nickname Diversant.
For some men, kukolds have become a way of discovering their bisexuality Many of those who are present during the betrayal of his wife, satisfy her lover orally or simply concentrate on penises. One of the common fetishes for kukolda is to help the wife find a lover with a penis size larger than his. In recent years, in the West, kukold has become popular among the LGBT community. Joe Cort, a researcher of sexuality, connects this with the legalization of gay marriage, because of which homosexuals began to adopt models, fears and complexes of traditional family relationships.
Many kukoldy want to give their wives to the power of lovers - allow them to fulfill all their requirements and desires, including those relating to their appearance and lifestyle
Announcements about finding a lover for his wife often indicate a strange requirement - African origin. “I understand that for many of us, it’s exciting to break the centuries-old taboo. And, of course, this fetish is very much connected with racism,” said BlackToWhite.net forum participant. In general, for many, finding a lover of African descent for a wife is considered a real success, both because of stereotypes about their physical indicators and because of the racist taboo system. In principle, this reflects the phenomenal popularity of the category "Interracial" on porn sites, in which the white woman, as a rule, has sex with a man of a different origin, and this is presented as exotic.
“My wife's boyfriend suggested she increase her breasts and pay for the operation. Personally, I like her body without any plastic, but the thought that now her breasts would belong to him really excites me,” says the author of the plastic surgery thread . Many kukoldy want to give their wives to the power of lovers - allow them to fulfill all their requirements and desires, including those relating to their appearance and lifestyle. Some even support the wives in the desire to get pregnant from lovers. "Now my wife and I want to have a second child from her boyfriend. We are both white, while he is African-American. This child let everyone know about our fetish and not hide anymore," explains one of the kukoldov. "The gynecologist advised my wife to stop using oral contraceptives for three months and replace them with barrier contraception. She hates condoms and therefore worked with her lover for unprotected sex without my knowledge. Soon she got pregnant and decided to have an abortion. But I must say that I have never experienced such excitement, like when I learned about her pregnancy from a lover, "- writes user lilprik.
But not all kukolds are willing to take risks, so some couples enter into marriage contracts that prescribe the conditions of wife’s sex with other men: methods of contraception, the number of possible partners, the degree of subordination of the husband and acceptable sexual practices.
Feminine look
Some men learn about his wife's infidelities and only later join the Cuckold. Although, as a rule, it happens the other way around. "How to persuade my wife to change me?" - The main question on the thematic forums. Judging by the confessions of practicing kukolds, most women react to such proposals rather sharply. "At first, my wife thought that I no longer love her, I want to justify my own betrayals in this way, or I simply lost my mind. She cried a lot and did not understand what was happening. But my feelings did not fade away - I just shared my old fantasy with her and over time, it got involved, "says the user OurSexWives.org.
Of course, not every woman gets pleasure from adultery - in the end, not all polygamy and humiliation are of interest. In an interview with The Huffington Post, Seksvayf confesses that she doesn’t like having sex with her lover, even if she has developed orgasms: “I love my husband very much, and sex with another person doesn’t bring me much satisfaction. But it’s easy for me sometimes to meet his fetish” .
Some men say that they consider their wife the most beautiful woman in the world and would like to see how she is having sex, and not an unknown porn actress
In general, however, the kukold community is distinguished by great respect for women. Therefore, it takes years for many men to engage their wife in a kukold: men worry about trust, discuss all the details and help women choose the right lover. “You shouldn’t throw yourself into a kukold when your marriage didn’t pass the test of durability with time and complexity. You need to be confident in yourself and your wife to become a part of this lifestyle,” advise those who have long been practicing kukold. Too early immersion in this fetish can lead to the disintegration of the harmonious relationship of the spouses.
According to the supervision of a psychology professor and author of David Lei’s thematic books, many cuckolds take pride in the sexual emancipation of their wives: “I was surprised how many couples adhere to strict feminist principles, and husbands say they enjoy their wives becoming more independent and confident in themselves thanks to sex with other men. "
In strong marriages, safety and harmony are absolute priorities for this practice. One of the kukoldov tells how his wife faced the lover’s cruelty: “She doesn’t like rough sex while the lover tried to force her into submission. At first she asked him not to do it - he didn’t respond, so we discussed it and immediately stopped all communication with him. Now we are much more careful in choosing partners. " Sometimes the search for a lover is complicated by the fact that he must arrange not only a woman, but also her husband.
Porn and rival sperm
Despite the general message of female liberation, which is cultivated by the cuckolds, this fetish is directly related to the objectification and the growing popularity of voyeurism. "Many of my clients think that we live in an era of pornography, where almost every man is watching sex from the side. Many of them want to make it even more realistic," says David Lei. Some men say that they consider their wife the most beautiful woman in the world and would like to see how she is having sex, and not an unknown porn actress. This can be combined with an exhibitionist projected on his wife. Some seksvayf like to show their body a little more than is customary in society, and their husbands like it. But, of course, it’s not only about the pornocentricity of modern culture - in the end, so many people watch porn, but not all of them become cuckolds.
"In her youth, girls often rejected me, and it upset me very much. Therefore, I worry that even a woman who is in a serious relationship with me can leave me to other men. And therefore I prefer to watch my wife cheating on me "So I feel comfortable and safe," - says Kukold in an interview with The Huffington Post. This fetish is often associated with obsessive jealousy. For many men, the fear of betrayal becomes so strong that they want to raise it to the absolute, subject themselves to maximum suffering and enjoy it. Of course, this is an element of sadomasochism. "When I was in high school, I met my first girlfriend. We decided to have sex, but it didn't work out for me the first time. A couple of days later I caught her with another guy. At first I was in pain, but over the years I started enjoy the thought of cheating on my regular partners, "writes another forum user. “To be honest, I'm much more afraid of letting my wife go to the store around the corner than to see her with her lover,” says Paul.
But it is not limited to child injuries. Kukold try to explain and from a purely scientific point of view: British biologists Robin Baker and Mark Bellis have developed the concept of competing sperm, according to which the seminal fluid becomes better when the possibility of betrayal on the part of women. Thus, the sperm of one man enters the competition in order to increase their chances of a woman to fertilize - the amount of seminal fluid and the power of attraction to the partner increase. Baker and Bellis also suggested the existence of a “kamikaze sperm-cell,” whose function is not to fertilize, but to destroy the opponent’s sperm.
Kukolda passion is often associated with depressed bisexuality. This can manifest itself directly - for example, if a man has sex with his wife's lover
Many cuckolds do describe that after sex, a wife and her lover feel an incredible sexual attraction: “I look forward to every date my wife and I just can’t find a place for myself while I wait for her at home. After that, we have the most passionate sex.” Kukold becomes an extreme way to maintain a high degree of passion in relationships, balancing on the verge of the constant threat of rupture.
"Oddly enough, many male kukolds make them feel more influential," says David Lei. This is the so-called syndrome of the king of the hive, because of which a man gets pleasure when he realizes that his wife is like other men. Kukold tries to demonstrate the power and status, where a woman truly belongs to only one man, but at the same time enjoys popularity with her lovers.
Kukolda passion is often associated with depressed bisexuality. “Half of the men I spoke with for the study experienced a craving for men,” says David Lei. This can manifest itself directly - for example, if a man has sex with his wife's lover in a submissive position, or is hidden - which may indicate a great interest in choosing a partner for his wife. Kukold can look for a man in accordance with their preferences. Greater fixation on the wife’s partner’s penis size is, according to Lei, a sign of repressed homosexual desire. Many men describe how to enjoy the pleasure of submission to the alpha male.
Cuckolds break a centuries-old taboo, and many of them believe that this fetish is available only to the most highly intelligent men who, with an effort of will, are ready to overcome normative behavior. Male jealousy is a social construct based on the idea that a woman should belong to her husband completely. “Therefore, mostly kukoldami are mostly educated men - they understand that jealousy can be overcome. While others feel angry, not understanding its causes,” said sexologist and psychotherapist Susan Block.
Marriage and Patriarchy
“It’s one thing when a man engages in sex with my wife and leaves. It’s quite another when a lover stays after sex and they have an interesting conversation for both - it hurts me many times more,” says Paul, who is happy in marriage is now twenty-five years old. In his ads to find a partner, he and his wife will certainly indicate the requirements for the lover's intellect and note that they will choose the “most intelligent” ones. Semi brings additional pleasure and humiliation of the intellectual and emotional closeness of a lover with his wife, while for many men this often becomes a problem.
The cuckolds are constantly at risk of their relationship, and no one can guarantee that the wife does not decide to leave for her lover. Even, it would seem, the strongest marriages fall apart because of polygamy - after all, not everyone is able to give enough sexual and emotional attention to several partners. "Мне 61 год, и моя 53-летняя жена влюбилась в своего любовника на двадцать лет младше. Напоследок она назвала меня толстым импотентом и подала на развод после долгих лет брака. Мой совет - никогда не ввязывайтесь в это дерьмо", - рассказывает Джо. "Мы встречались с девушкой четыре года, два из которых она мне изменяла.At some point, everything went out of control - she often did not tell me with whom and when she would have sex, and my trust began to disappear. At one moment I came home and found her with a lover - then we had group sex at her insistence. A couple of weeks later, she left me, saying that she needed a real man, "says another Kukold.
The initiative to become part of such a lifestyle, as a rule, comes from a man. It turns out that a woman frees her sexuality not at her own will, but at the request or insistence of her husband.
There are situations in which the kukold realizes that he cannot cope with jealousy, but continues to support his wife’s adultery, while simultaneously feeling sexual arousal and unhealthy nervous tension. Men do not find the strength to break with the fetish, either because of this partner's promise, or because of the desire to be consistent. "My wife found herself a lover, on my initiative. At first I was very pleased, but when their relationship began to develop, I went crazy with jealousy. I tried to catch every moment that she spent alone with me, and not with him, trying to to please her so that she would not leave me. Over time, everything worked out, because she decided to find another lover - now I feel that I am in control again. Of course, I’m still jealous, but I don’t feel terrible suffering because of this - says Derrek.
Experienced kukolds try to instruct newbies, offering different ways of restrictions and conventions to preserve relationships. For example, a ban can get a dream with her lover, long conversations, sex without a condom (even when taking oral contraceptives) or frequent visits. But everyone determines the limitations in the Kukolde himself - it all depends on the degree of trust in the partner and the inclination to sadomasochism. This fetish largely proclaims great changes in the patriarchal society: the family model based on submission replaces the principle of contract and open dialogue, and sexuality is freed from stereotypes. However, the initiative to become a part of such a lifestyle, as a rule, comes from a man. It turns out that a woman frees her sexuality not at her own will, but at the request or insistence of her husband, which, of course, raises questions to the ethical side of the fetish.
Photo: Wikimedia Commons (1, 2, 3)
