"Sex sect": How coaches teach women to live "correctly"
This week in Thailand detained sex scandalous sex gurus Alex Leslie and Nastya Rybka for illegal training - there were about fifty students with them. Now they are convincing the public that the people of billionaire Oleg Deripaska are to blame for what happened. Coaches, however, are interesting not only because of Navalny’s last investigation, they are part of the unique Russian industry of women's trainings, which, oddly enough, are led by men.
We have already done a report from the sex-coach Alex May and went to training about Pavel Kochkin’s “female destiny”, and talked about Oleg Novoselov’s sexist bestseller “Woman. A textbook for men”. But men who want to teach women the secrets of seduction, family life and financial well-being have not diminished in Russia since then.
Russia's main sex evangelist Alex Leslie
Sex sect
“Life without panties”, “How to wake up at a party” - unpretentious aids for Alex Leslie's pickup (real name - Alexander Kirillov), published at the end of the “zero”, became the best-sellers of the “Eksmo”. They have forgotten about the “pick-up” since then, but Kirillov’s ambitions have not disappeared anywhere and even strengthened: he moved from tutorial on quick sex to creating quasi-philosophical theories and his own, as they like to call it in the media, sex sects.
Kirillov declares that he educates "masters" of men and "hunters" of women, that is, seduction specialists who, under his influence, realize that monogamous relationships are "ratry", and only need to strive for freedom, life in the moment, new emotions and impressions. True, in order to gain this freedom, one must strictly follow the instructions of the “master,” as Kirillov is often called. The nickname suits him - the coach does not in the least deny that several years ago he had assembled his own harem.
At first, girls learn pieces of German idealism (Rybka describes in the book how gracefully leaves rivals on the yacht Deripaska in the cold, referring to Kant), then learn some simple techniques of manipulation and, finally, are initiated, fulfilling Kirillov's tasks. Having sex on the embankment in the center of Moscow, sleeping with the first person you meet, undressing in front of an unfamiliar man, going out naked in support of Weinstein, even seducing the oligarch is not the end, but the means on the path to "freedom" that Kirillov sings.
"Alex Leslie about dating two and mistakes on a date"
For a sect, this is indeed similar: for refusing to perform an assignment, Leslie can deprive a girl of the status of "hunter" in principle, for new successes, bring her closer to herself. Pupils record dates on the recorder, write reports (Rybka’s book, in fact, one of them) and constantly report to the “master” how things are going. Nastya, telling "about the novel with Oleg Deripaska" in the book, admits that she did it "out of love for Kirillov" and felt her own strength, because she constantly received his advice. It is interesting that Rybka strongly emphasizes that the businessman’s money seemed to be of little interest to her: as Leslie taught, the experience gained is most important. In one of the interviews, she even stated that she paid Kirillov for all the consultations during the affair with the oligarch.
Leslie promises "hunters" strength, freedom and endless pleasures, but where is all this in sex with a stranger on orders, a relationship with an oligarch who is generally a "pleasant man", but does not cause much enthusiasm? Naturally, most of them leave Kirillov, practicing in fresh techniques of flirting and deep blowjob, but some remain, not understanding what to do with this “freedom” outside of trainings, tasks and mentor control.
Concierge and rogue
Undressing in public is offered not only by Leslie, who considers himself almost a revolutionary and a presidential candidate. There is Denis Bayguzhin - mastodon female training. He promises to marry any girl to a millionaire in six to eight months and exploits the simpler myth of a carefree life in the bosom of a rich man. Nevertheless, the press writes that the “baijugas” - this is how Denis himself calls his wards - go out naked on the street and are allegedly engaged in sex work on instructions from the coach. However, there is no evidence of this, but a certain Sergey from Kazan quite realistically complained to the prosecutor's office that after the trainings of Bayguzhin his wife decided to leave the family and go in search of a millionaire.
Baiguzhin himself is not at all ashamed of his scandalousness and before the interview he asks: "Are you right or softer? If it is softer, then people come to me for money." According to him, girls who are tired of being strong and want happiness and luxury get to the trainings - he offers them the illusion of the possibility of complete hedonism. "I teach women to live completely at the expense of men, to push the entire burden on them. In this world only men should work and strain, women are not created for this at all - at work they grow old, decrepit and die." The coach states that baijugas get 300-500 thousand a month from men in Moscow, about 250 thousand in the regions.
He describes in detail the system that will help a woman achieve the main goal of the training - to marry a rich man. Trainings are conducted on two fronts: physical and intellectual. First, there is work with the body - breasts, lips, clothes, the coach says: “For all this, girls take money from first meetings with rogue. In the future, girls don’t need them, so we brazenly divide them from the very beginning, at least small amounts - we ask for hairs, for legs, for plastic, if you're lucky. " All the first money, according to the Baiguzhin method, should be invested in appearance - he assures that it is possible to “tidy up” in two or three months. "First you need to buy a dress more expensive, and then go to the men" on the stuffing "," - said Baiguzhin.
“I teach women to live completely at the expense of men, to push the entire burden on them. In this world only men should work and strain, women are not created for this at all - at work they grow old, decrepit and die”
Dating "rogue" is important not only from a financial point of view, with the help of them, Bayguzhin suggests that women increase their self-esteem: "The scheme is as follows: we fall in love with a so-so man, we drop him, we fall in love with a new one, we throw it again. As a result, the situation of a dog wedding where several men will compete for the girl at once. At the same time, in the early stages they can be outright shit - old, decrepit, poor, students. "
The coach admits that all his techniques are one hundred percent manipulations, assimilating which the girl will immediately notice the result. Love is generally a manipulation, says Baiguzhin: “You need to quickly adapt to a man: if he is a bandyugan, we act like a bandyugan, if a deputy, we dive into politics. It is also important to give him complete freedom. A man is an ATM, and what he does sometimes in the evenings, this ATM is not very interesting to us. " The coach emphasizes that the main thing he teaches concierge (as he calls “low-ranking” girls who have not yet grasped all the secrets of seduction) is to never fall in love.
But in theory, Baiguzhin lacks contradictions. On the one hand, he says that the woman’s purpose is to serve a great man, to be faithful, submissive, economic, sexual, to have a family. On the other hand, it seems to admit that it’s all a lie: “Men are very stupid, lazy and boastful. Look at their hobbies - shoot animals, stand eggs in water with a stick, go to dog fights. And women are more aesthetically developed - they feel the beauty. "
"How to ask money from men? Ask money easy"
Baiguzhin has a strange scheme, where men remain primitive animals, and women (much more subtle and cunning creatures) for some strange reason must serve these animals. However, it is not necessary to guess for a long time why Bayguzhin’s trainings were so much loved by thousands of Russian women. Patriarchal installations, financial instability, a couple of experiences of toxic relationships with men, the absence of career prospects and banal living space - and ready. The scenario of healthy equal relations begins to seem like a fairy tale, access to luxury becomes the only happy scenario, the man is reduced to a strange and dangerous, but still quite primitive object. Studies show that in countries with low gender equality and social protection, women are much more attentive to the financial status of a partner, just like men with more privileges, they value youth and external data of a potential wife more highly.
The woman herself also becomes an object - a lacquered image of a seductress who has executed the checklist of a “successful baijuga” who turns into the same plastic image of a rich man’s wife, who can only identify herself as his wife. However, it is clear that in most cases, women receive only toxic attitudes, high expectations and the next jump of self-esteem down, contrary to the promises of the coach. A number of sociological studies prove that the myth of rich men who marry beautiful but poor women is just a stereotype. As a rule, they choose a partner with a similar social status.
Denis Bayguzhin proposes to perceive men as a wallet
Smart, but you live like a fool
The common feature of many coaches is that they are not shy about expressions at all. “Either you are disabled or completely stupid if you don’t create fifty thousand rubles a month from men,” Bayguzhin writes in his ordinary Facebook post. Saying goodbye after the interview, he politely invites you to one of his trainings, adding: "Only you will cry."
His equally successful colleague Pavel Rakov conducts a number of trainings - both for business beginners and for men who have difficulty with relationships, but the most sensational is called "I am smart, but I live like a fool." Women who have fallen for him, even in enthusiastic reviews, acknowledge that training does not go without insults and humiliation.
“If the ladies themselves like to call themselves“ bitches ”and“ stinkers, ”what offends you in Paul’s words? Besides, he does not do this in a derogatory tone. And, you know, if a woman is overweight, she expects for everyone to be pyshechka or the owner of appetizing forms? Yes, it is fat! In general, you should not be offended by the truth. It is not always presented in a tender form, "writes Inna. "Pavel Rakov is a very peculiar trainer and really changes the girls' brain. I agree that it is difficult for those who are unfamiliar with his" direct methods "to take appeals like the" lazy bitch ". But sometimes the" magic pendel "is necessary," says Alice.
Reports from the training for "smart fools" have already been written a dozen times, but each of them reads like the first one. Rakov confronts girls with their foreheads, forcing them to fight for the first rows in the hall (those who do not reach, will not receive family happiness), makes them smell their own dirty socks, pours water on their heads to women (all this, in order to teach them tolerance for men's offenses) get up on all fours and hits the buttocks with a shovel. Needless to say, Rakov’s trainings are incredibly popular - he collects Crocus. Prices for his services range from three and a half to nineteen thousand rubles - money for Moscow is not prohibitive, but the coach himself told us in an interview that 75% of the women who come to him barely scrape these amounts.
"You need to be flexible, to own different technologies of flirting. If you were seducing with your feet before, then you will have to seduce with your hands for a while. A woman should be an unread book"
If Leslie is a libertarian from the world of relationships, Bayguzhin sweeps aside all illusions about trust and feelings (in his version only a sly woman is responsible for relationships), Rakov suggests a relatively compromise version. He admits that more than half of his students come to improve existing relationships: "Some girls have no tangible problems at all, they just want to pump. Imagine that you seem to be coming to the gym, and there are a lot of people with toned bodies."
Physical, intellectual, spiritual - such components of the "rating of the girl in the marriage market" are offered by Pavel Rakov. If the first is clear, the second is divided into two parts. "First, the real achievements of the girl are important: education, career, apartment, car. When a woman has her money, she behaves more confidently in a relationship. To meet a man and be on equal terms with her, she needs to go to expensive places, come there in your car, calmly pay your bill. Manicure, pedicure, hairstyle - all this costs money. And my task is to make sure that these expenses do not strain her. A woman should not be with a bare ass, "Rakov believes. At the same time, he emphasizes that he “does not make oligarchs out of women,” because no man will suffer if his wife goes to work all day, and not to engage in family.
"Secondly, I bring up leadership qualities. Women are often not ready to take responsibility, they are constantly on standby - they wait for the initiative from the man, instead of making the date bright and beautiful. A girl with strong leadership qualities understands what she can taking responsibility for the emotional environment: if she smiles, then everyone will be fine; if you frown, the opposite is true. An active life position is generally the key to success for everyone, ”says Rakov. He also trains spiritual qualities from his students - for example, he orders to ring around all of his ex and thank, help veterans, go to places of military glory.
"How to always be an interesting man? Emotional shakes"
Almost all coaches actively promote the idea that a woman "should be different." For example, Rakov believes that if a girl “hangs in one psycho”, she will quickly become uninteresting to a man. "You need to be flexible, own different technologies of flirting. If you were tempted by your feet before, you will have to seduce with your hands for a while. A woman should be an unread book, but, of course, moderately, that is, not to violate the agreed obligations," Rakov said. In his view, psychological flexibility is the main merit of a woman, which can be trained the same way as press-ups: “Yes, it’s hard to make approaches first, it takes effort, but for an experienced athlete this becomes a habit.”
By the way, Rakov has a male equivalent of the training "I am smart, but I live like a fool." It is called "Armageddon" and is dedicated to "the art of serving a woman." Only the coach admits that these classes are three to four times less popular than women’s: “All men think that they are the most intelligent, they have high self-esteem, although in reality most of them walk around with bare ass. And for women it is usually understated, and my job is to give them confidence. "
It seems that everything sounds good: Rakov teaches to earn money, to be independent and self-confident. Only it is not clear whose self-esteem can grow from insults, reminders of the tough female competition for men and the constant need to think about how not to get tired of your beloved - because a more persistent visitor to the courses can lead him away. Rakov teaches women to "take responsibility" for relationships, the problem is that she already hangs on them. The formula "smile through force - and the husband will be happy" - as the gender theory says, remains a classic of emotional service and only exacerbates women's emotional problems and feelings of guilt. Founder of the McLean Coaching Institute based at Harvard University, Susan David, believes that people who are constantly forced to suppress negative emotions to maintain their home or work environment are more prone to depression, anxiety and emotional burnout, and ultimately to conflicts.
Pavel Rakov - a pioneer in the world of women's training
Free wisdom
Female coaches are often accused of pumping out money - the scope for investment is truly immense. For example, you can go to the Spring Camp with Pavel Rakov to find "environmentally friendly attitudes in life", relax on Costa Brava with trainer Sathieu, who will conduct family psychology workshops there and teach the basics of ayuverda. Someone would call it quackery, but even talking about women who took a loan for a training in order to get married as soon as possible, we can only appeal to morality: formally, no one can forbid either conducting these trainings or spending the last thousand rubles on them. For those who are inclined to save, free men's wisdom will be found on youtube - there is so much material that will be enough for several months. The younger generation of coaches is ready to answer questions that hardly occurred to anyone except the coaches themselves.
"How to touch yourself when you communicate with a man?" - says Lev Vozhevatov, "Where to take female energy?" - Philip Litvinenko explains, "What films will help reveal femininity?" - Denis Costas will answer. А если вас волнует, что подумает партнёр о вашем новом увлечении, можно достичь полной рекурсии и посмотреть видео, где Филипп Литвиненко рассказывает, как мужчины относятся к женским тренингам. Разумеется, тренеры предлагают индивидуальные занятия и участие в вебинарах, но узнать пять причин, по которым вы раздражаете мужчину, и начать переживать ещё больше можно абсолютно бесплатно.
"Я научилась разбираться в мужчинах, а ещё из холодной королевы превратилась в тёплую мягкую девушку и кайфую от этого", - рассказывает Олеся
You can pay for "individual support" - in reviews on youtube, girls describe how coaches control the whole process of dating and the first stages of relationships. "Philip helped me recognize the manipulators and noticed that a man would be suitable for a serious relationship, with whom everything initially did not go exactly as we would like," says Anastasia. People, indeed, are often disappointed, not figuring out the wishes and needs of a potential partner in advance, and it’s nice that female coaches help someone to distinguish a person set up for sex without commitment from a ready-made marriage. True, the problem is that such assistance often comes bundled with toxic installations. “I learned to understand men, and from a cold queen I turned into a warm soft girl and get high from it,” Olesya says.
It must be admitted that sometimes coaches give advice that is fully applicable in life, for example, to immediately clarify the intentions of a man, to be bolder in taking the initiative, to feel entitled to choose and not just to be chosen - in general, everything that a good psychotherapist can advise. A separate story - sex trainings of the same specialists. They are taught not to enjoy herself (heterosexual women generally experience orgasms less often than all groups of the population), but use sex as another method of manipulation. Erotic massage, deep blowjob and other markers of the skills of a "good mistress" from male-gaze-porn are studied first of all. In the reviews, the women tell how the former run after them, begging to have oral sex with them, and the current ones fall asleep with compliments.
Special way
The turnover of the coaching market in America is ten times larger than in Russia, where there is no clear assessment of such services. Nevertheless, in the West, women's trainings are practically absent as a direction, in fact, they were invented in the CIS. "This is a question of demography: in Russia there are fewer men than women. In addition, our girls, unlike European ones, did not accept feminism - they don’t want to sit at work all day and are ready to meet their husband at home and take care of children," says Pavel Rakov. In Russia, indeed, feminism is hard to take, and for "femininity, some women hold on more than life," said sociologist Anna Kochkina.
Why coaches for women are so popular in the CIS is not as difficult to explain as the idea of the need for marriage. Sociologist Anna Shadrina refers to broken social elevators, a low standard of living and unlived patriarchal attitudes that only fuel a woman’s desire to perceive herself as a commodity in the market of sexual partners. Important and historical specificity. In the Soviet Union, "forced" emancipation occurred, not marked by the gradual and conscious struggle of women themselves for their rights. Capitalism, which declared that a class of "strong men" had appeared, who needed weak women, was ultimately perceived as liberation. Hence the myths that Russian women for so many years are tired of being strong and are just waiting for that strong shoulder. Well, who understands the desires of a strong man better than another man who collects full halls of fans?
Cover: Walmart