Change of sex: How I became a woman
Modern gender studies state that the concepts of "man" and "woman" are not so much biological, as social, and there are still many opportunities for self-determination between these two poles. Wonderzine begins a series of publications about people who had to adjust external signs of gender so that their inner understanding of themselves finally coincided with what other people see. In our first article, the story by the chair of the Russian Association of Lawyers for Human Rights, Masha Bast (formerly Yevgeny Arkhipov), who in September 2013 came out as a transgender woman.
I have never had the dilemma of being a man or a woman to me. I literally from the age of three, as I can remember, identified myself as a girl. The older I got, the sharper was the need and look like a girl. When I was 10 years old, I began to put on women's clothes, to be beautiful. Of course, mother noticed that her clothes were all rummaged and dressed. Probably, she thought that this was due to some teenage maturation, tried not to notice. At the age of 12 I went to a disco, met and danced with boys. Parents were not in the know. We had a private house, and it was convenient for me to leave the house so that no one could see me. Some of my peers paid attention to the fact that I had a bra on, they laughed, but pretended not to notice. I after all also sunbathed as the girl - in a female bathing suit, many my friends saw my tan.
When I was 15 years old, my parents already began to suspect something, and I had a conversation with my mother. I didn’t understand what was happening to me then. I did not know what transsexualism is, that there are people who correct their external signs. I myself thought at the age of 13 that I probably needed some changes in the body. I didn’t like that my skin and voice are getting tougher. At 14, I bought a hormone, such a powerful pill, and drank it. She went tense, and then mom suspected something and found this pill, asked what it was. I said, "Medicine." Well, she threw it away. Closer to 15, I learned what transsexuality is, that people adjust their gender. And I made a decision for myself that I would also change my outward signs. For me, there was no such thing that "I want to change the sex" or "I am a man who wants to become a woman." I always felt like a woman, I just felt uncomfortable with the fact that I have a man's body.
At 16, I tried to suppress the feminine in me. I thought that maybe I, really, had such a teenage age, and took up weightlifting. I began to look at 16 as a 40-year-old man. I even began to prepare to participate in the Olympic Games in Sydney. And you know, I became so unhappy. I imagined that now, I am a man, winning at the Olympics. But I'm not a man. I can not be a man. I went to a mad workout, peers were afraid of me, they didn’t fit on the street, because I was huge like a closet. But I'm a woman! Do you understand? It did not suit me. I was very unhappy about it. And the more courageous I became outwardly, the more I felt like a heavy spacesuit. I made the decision that I could not take it anymore: I began to prick female hormones with frantic doses, and began to lose weight. I didn’t know what shemale was, didn’t know what a transition was.
I had a conversation with my mother. I came in a miniskirt with long hair. Mom said: "Do you want to be a woman? Yes, please. But," he says, "on the street. Go and earn money. Only by yourself." What is street at the time? That means you go prostitution. That I could not. I said, "Well, I myself." And I decided that I would live like that, and then I would get an education and help myself with correction. For me it was probably a dilemma. And my mother and I started playing games that ended with the first ambulance coming to me at 17 or 18 years old. I picked up the hormones wrong, weight-lifting could not be abruptly thrown either. My pressure was over 200, like an old grandmother. I had to forget about hormones and physical exertion. I tried to return to my female body, but it was difficult because of health problems. I then decided that I would take a time out - I would go to a university, I would get an education. And only after receiving the status I will go and do everything. So it happened. My mother knew very well that I would change, whether she liked it or not. My brother, who lives with me, was all the time aware of what was happening to me. He saw everything. I am for him since childhood Masha.
Correction of external signs of gender is a series of operations. It all depends on the person what he wants: if he wants to change the genitals, this is one operation. If he wants to bring beauty - you can do at least a hundred operations. I was lucky, because I have a feminine appearance: there is no and never had a Adam's apple, my chin was always feminine, my nose was small. But there are people who have problems with the shape of the skull, the Adam's apple. I did not change the sex - I adjusted my body. I was originally a woman. I made a decision for myself: I put all these commissions, documents in the background, because the most important thing is in me. Of course, many people face a problem: to make an operation, you need to change the documents and have a conclusion from the commission. To change the documents, you need to do the operation. A document is a man’s invention. I drive a car, although my rights are male. I follow the rules of the road. Let them stop - I will explain to them my rights and their rights. I am an independent person, I say: "Here are my documents, this is me. If something does not suit you, these are your problems." Do not be ashamed of yourself. People are shy and feel guilty. You didn’t make yourself like this - nature made you like that. Are you to blame? Not. Therefore, society is obliged to accept you. If it does not accept, then this is a problem of society.
In adolescence, you need to talk to people about what transgenderness is so that a person grows up mentally healthy
My wife knew everything about me from the very beginning, even when in 2008 we just started dating, I already took female hormones. We have a lesbian marriage. We all discussed this when we met. The only thing I will tell you is that I am a bi woman. In my youth I liked both boys and girls. I met with men. They perceived me as a woman. Brutal, big men under two meters took care of me. We are planning to have children. I did not have children, because I needed to change a lot. I, of course, will tell children about myself.
I believe that in adolescence one should speak with people about what transgenderness is so that a person grows up mentally healthy, not a maniac. If parents notice that the first signals appeared (around 10 years old), you should immediately run to understand a psychologist and in no case be treated. If this is transsexualism, then it is necessary to stop fighting and start the child to help, so that he is already a girl by the age of 18 preparing to marry. You can not cripple a child. There are provocations against me. In the village where I live, information was launched that I was collecting a rally of transgender people - the whole village was cordoned off, they were looking for these transgender people.
I know, for example, that Limonov (Maria Bast was Eduard Limonov’s personal lawyer and represented him in the Supreme Court of Russia and the European Court of Human Rights. - Note ed.) could not combine my past and present. And I immediately say: you did not communicate with Yevgeny Sergeevich, but with Masha. Yevgeny Sergeevich was the image that I carried to society, in order to make it easier for me to communicate, but I looked at you through Masha's eyes, and the brains were Machines. Most people understand this, 10% of friends do not understand. Most often, non-acceptance occurs in religious people. They are looking for explanations - most likely, this is a performance, a conceived PR move, some kind of protest. After coming out, I became a moment of truth for most people. I saw how people treat me: there are users among friends, and there are real friends. Users moved away.
Photo: 1, 2 via Shutterstock