How to cope with the fear of failure?
ALL WE HAVE GROWN THE MASS OF QUESTIONS TO THEMSELVES AND THE WORLDwith which there seems to be no time or need to go to a psychologist. But convincing answers are not born when you talk to yourself, or to your friends, or to your parents. We started a new regular section where professional psychotherapist Olga Miloradova will answer pressing questions. By the way, if you have them, send to [email protected].
How to cope with the fear of failure when you start something new?
We all have to face the fear of failure, when you have to make an important life decision or you want to start a new business (be it enrollment in a language course or a cardinal change of profession). It seems to us in advance that any attempts are doomed to failure and it is better to leave everything as is. How to cope with such anxiety, learn to understand how it is justified, and change your life with greater determination?
Olga Miloradovapsychotherapist
To be afraid of the new business is absolutely natural. In a sense, it is anxiety that makes us move - when inaction creates intolerable conditions, there is no other way out how to make a choice. On the other hand, if the conditions are quite comfortable, and the future is fraught with uncertainty, then it would seem, why twitch, even if potentially you can get something better? The main thing you need to understand in such situations is where our hesitation comes from.
Ask yourself: do you belong to yourself? For most of us, in childhood, our parents were afraid and worried: so that we would not get hurt, not hit, not die in the end. For some they feared more than others. Maybe your parent did not have time in his life and decided to embody it in yours? Be that as it may, from childhood until recently (and perhaps still until now) all decisions were made for you. Even if you are separated from your parents physically, it’s not a fact that you are separated from them emotionally. Or you do not feel guilty every day for the fact that you abandoned them or do not fulfill your intended role.
First you need to understand that life is one - and it is yours. Stop evaluating yourself through the prism of parents, stop waiting for approval, and by the way, not only from your parents, but also from the person to whom you may have shifted their role. Get rid of guilt, remember once again that you live for yourself, and start cultivating healthy egoism. In addition, if you somehow dealt with your parents and charged someone else with a burden of responsibility, think, would you like to deal with someone else's life? It would be nice to deal with it. In general, separation from both parents and their images is very painful and difficult, but it is very important to start listening to your emotions, intuitions and desires and try to follow them at least in small steps. Then, over time, it will be easier to make decisions: not to think about what “mom would say (say),” but to really be motivated by your needs and build your own life by yourself.