Vine, aunt and lamp-chan: Who classifies women and why
"Seven types of women from whom men flee", - the Internet and gloss is littered with listings promising to help in the selection of the "perfect" girl. "Mommy", "princess", "careerist", "hysterical", "party girl" - girls are categorically shoved on the shelves and, it seems, for anyone there is something, you just have to finally reduce the individuality to a plastic type. We understand why women continue to be divided into categories and who invents new stereotypes.
Heteras and aunts
The status of a woman for centuries has been determined solely by her relationship with a man. So, even the citizens of ancient Greece could be either "wives" or "prostitutes" or "heteras" (sexually free, educated women who have access to men's meetings, but never married). Later, it began to play a role and a noble birth - the duchess obviously differed from the peasant women, but only because they were lucky to be born in the right place at the right time. While men were proud of their profession, church dignity or talent in the field of art, the status of a more or less attractive object remained with the woman. Over time, women's categories, which could even be complementary, became more and more - from the "beautiful lady" from the Middle Ages to the playful images from Fragonard's paintings.
It is fair to say that men were divided into subspecies - it is easy to find windy smoothies, mysterious loners and clumsy, but cute clever men in women's novels written by women. Each line of character and social status of men and women was their type, and they all successfully migrated to popular culture. To this day, it is easy to imagine what is behind the words "good guy", who is always unlucky in personal life, or the name "aunt" - her conservative outfit or love for blanks is designed to reflect an exceptionally ugly character. Needless to say, categorization not only does not make life easier, but also turns out to be the most productive space for new stereotypes.
Market and Intermediate Women
"A good wife will not leave the party girl," every authorization listing says authoritatively, which should help men choose a worthy partner. Of course, you should not get involved with “jealous”, “princess”, “financial catastrophe”, “father's daughter” or “bitch”. Youtube bloggers and glossy publications are trying to teach us to choose partners, but often forget that this is not about products from the supermarket. “So we are tempted to reduce the sphere of relationships to very simple stereotypical categories. Like a yoghurt in a store, choose this fat, and this sweet, and this one with pieces of fruit,” explains psychotherapist Anastasia Rubtsova.
"Five types of women who are adored by men" - this is an appeal to girls, who, in fact, are offered to conform to the most "attractive" types for a partner. What are you today? "Mature", "mysterious" or "your boyfriend"? In the maze of instructions it is easy to get confused, lose individuality and drop self-esteem. After all, difficult relationships with the father, the habit of dissolving in a partner, obsessive care or even eating disorders are presented in such tests as an obstacle to healthy relationships, and men are urged to flee from women with similar problems. The substitution of concepts is obvious: there is a big difference between reminding the reader of the signs of potentially abusive relationships, and to make a woman who has uneasy relations with relatives, into the category of those who should not be approached.
For example, the greatest fear and contempt among visitors to Russian anonymous forums is caused by a “divorced woman with a trailer” - a woman divorced from a child. She dreams of getting married again, will create many problems for a man with her offspring, has already learned to manipulate a partner in a previous marriage, and indeed, a product of second freshness. The definition has become so popular that glossy magazines are already trying to justify these mythical women, giving them positive qualities such as self-confidence, wisdom and the ability to build long-term relationships. It is clear that everyone experiences the experience of marriage and raising a child differently, and such stereotypes are only conjectures.
Each type is attributed features of behavior, emotions and even plans for life, which, for a moment, do not freeze in granite, but change with age, with a change of place of work, and just with strong-willed effort.
Why do people like to classify each other so much, especially when it comes to relationships? The choice of a partner is already not easy, and the situation is aggravated by a wide range of opportunities - this evening you can go on three dates through Tinder, and then go to a sex party. In a series of meetings (which it is customary to appreciate for ease of task), it is easier for many to christen a woman as one of the clichés, writing off both her own egoism and the lack of reciprocal interest from her side. Has she insisted on sharing the restaurant bill in half? Surely, she is a self-confident career woman who is worth staying away from. She told how romantically her parents met? Thinks only about the wedding. Do not want to have sex on a third date? Most likely, frigid impatiens. Stereotypes eliminate the need to engage in dialogue, to experience empathy, to understand a person.
There is a version that persistent categorization is the result of neurosis, which is dictated by the logic of market relations. Choosing a permanent partner, we strive to conclude the best deal: the psychoanalyst Erich Fromm wrote about this in “The Art of Love” - the work on the partnership of potential partners. We choose the product, guided by its potential benefits and attractiveness on the counter, about the same way we are looking for a partner who has the maximum set of advantages and is suitable for clearly defined purposes.
For example, on YouTube you can find videos that offer five types of women with whom you need to have time to meet before the wedding. Here and "older woman" and "free-thinking" and "freaky." These girls, of course, are good, but you should not take a refrigerator with them on credit! Each type is attributed features of behavior, emotions, and even plans for life, which, for a moment, do not freeze in granite, but change with age, with a new job, or simply with strong-willed effort.
Lamps and victims
Of course, behind the piling up of categories of "intermediate" women lies the ideal - the "real woman". "In the end, most men dream of a good woman. To become good for a man means to be soft, polite and kind," says Fox News columnist Susan Wenker. In her opinion, to be good and behave well is not the same thing, and femininity should be persistently educated in oneself: "Men like women who are easy to love."
It would seem that trying to be polite, tolerant and friendly towards your partner is absolutely normal. It really requires internal work, overcoming injuries, self-control and even sessions with a psychotherapist. But, firstly, it is not related to gender: there is no special "femininity" that will help smooth corners in any quarrel, and the notorious "female wisdom" is worth nothing but obedience and concessions dictated by the secondary role in the couple . For the moral peace of each other, partners are equally responsible, and both must learn to accept the weaknesses of others. And, secondly, the image of a "real woman" provokes only neurosis, forcing the "ordinary" woman to always strive for an unattainable ideal.
On the domestic Internet for the "good woman" even the name "tube chan" appeared. The image, as you can guess, was invented on image boards and is very popular among teenagers maximalists. Initially, he came from anime, where a homogeneous type of sweet and modest girl, as a rule, a schoolgirl, crystallized long ago. "Tian" - Japanese diminutive suffix, which is added to the name - most often it is used in relation to young girls. Lamp Tian is stable and loyal to the partner in any circumstances, and its image soothes fans of anonymous forums. If other types of girls can leave or blame a man for something, “tube chan” is like a mother: her love is unconditional, she doesn’t need to prove anything.
Psychologists explain that the search for the ideal is from fear of facing reality. Instead of soberly perceiving a partner with its disadvantages and merits, a person invents a perfect and therefore unattainable image. In anticipation of the standard gift of fate, you can abandon the serious relationship that requires labor. By the way, men find themselves in this waiting position more often than women, because the last from childhood they say that the relationship is hard work that you have to take on. Men are more likely invited to find the right woman who will figure everything out herself.
Milfs and pedovki
It is also easier to objective women by dividing them into groups. For example, in Indonesia, recently obsessed with young mothers (mamah muda - Note ed.). The local Internet is replete with collections of the most beautiful mothers, songs are sung about them and even actively used in the field of sex services. This is still the same MILF category from porn sites, traditionally sexualized in the Western tradition, but only suddenly breaking out into a wide media space.
But objectification is only one side of the coin. Language of condemnation is applied to girls who love everything new and relevant. For example, in the Russian Internet they recently invented the expression “vino chan” - and called it the innocent young fashionistas. They are ashamed of their love for the new Russian wave (for example, the Buerak and Pasosh groups), attempts to read philosophers and psychoanalysts, for reverence for St. Petersburg and local clubs, and, of course, cheap alcohol. "Vinyan Tian" - a new incarnation of an obsolete TP or a stupid n ****, who was also accused of pseudo-intellectualism, claims for originality, and most importantly, inflated self-esteem. The famous nickname “pedovka” referred to girls who behaved in accordance with the standards of the subculture, but at the same time allegedly did not delve into its essence.
In such a categorization, there is a lot of condescension and all the same fears - as if women can devalue or debase a cult lifestyle or a high male idea (be it a subculture or a love for Martin Heidegger). The ideal, that is, “tube”, turns out to be the one that does not try to compete with a man and does not seek public approval while the rest continue to drink “vino” with girlfriends.
Any public statement from the mouth of a woman is punishable by producing a new offensive stereotype, and only submissive silence is encouraged.
By the way, it’s not at all necessary to keep up with men in order to face ostracism and condemnation. So, you can get into the ridiculed category, even by following completely patriarchal patterns of behavior. To recall at least how many jokes are devoted to "ovules" - women who are passionate about their young child or are persistently trying to get pregnant. They make mocking reports about them, stamp memes in thematic groups and simply fear to become one of them after the birth of a child. God forbid to post too many photos of your child on Facebook!
The system of sexist stereotypes sometimes reaches the point of absurdity and condemns even those women who are addicted to a healthy lifestyle. It would seem that the desire to look good fits completely into the model, where a woman seeks to improve her body in order to be more like a man. "Fitonyashek" shame for the photo from the gym, the love of boiled chicken and life-holding posts on instagram. On the one hand, girls are accused of “limited” outlook, which does not go beyond cardio-training and containers of boiled broccoli, but, on the other hand, they are again suspected of posturing. Allegedly, they go to the gym only for the sake of photography in a mirror, and not for real results. A few years ago, women were massively ashamed of manifestations of sentimentality, which seemed to be of typical feminine quality. Lovers of melodramas and inspired quotations were branded "vanilla", although it would seem that it also fit into the patriarchal system.
It turns out that any public statement from the mouth of a woman is fraught with the production of a new offensive stereotype, only submissive silence is safe. So it is impossible to win in this game - attempts to please a man will be ridiculed, as well as self-will. Obviously, categories create the illusion of orientation in the vast flow of information, but they also interfere with communication with another person, either by idealizing him or by squeezing him into the borders of a mocking opus on Lurkomorye.