Childfrey: Why do people refuse to have children
On the phenomenon of childfree - that is, the conscious reluctance to have children - actively started talking in the 70s in Europe. In Russia, the popularity of childfree communities was already at its peak. True, many still see in this position not free choice, but evasion of the “duty” to society, although not everyone is ready and willing to become parents. We understand how the ideology of childfree arose and why people deliberately refuse to have children.
How did childfree appear
The concept of childfree appeared in Europe, where marriage was traditionally entered into later: it was believed that first you need to take care of your financial situation. Speaking about how people in different countries get married, scientists use the Hajnal line - an imaginary feature that runs through Europe (from Finland through St. Petersburg to the city of Trieste in Italy). The highest percentage of childfree is found in western countries. To the east of this line, societies have always been more traditional, but now and there the situation is changing - childfree even appear in the UAE. But in sub-Saharan Africa, the birth of a child is still considered mandatory.
The ability to consciously choose childlessness has arisen largely due to the sexual revolution and reliable contraception. But still to say that childfree emerged only after the sixties, is not quite right. Researchers believe that exceptions were met before: the truth is, those who wanted to abandon children were forced to abandon sex - for example, girls could have a haircut as a nun or not get married in principle, remaining “old maids”. Others and at all went to cruel measures, including infanticide.
The development of contraception has helped to dissolve sexuality and procreation. Maternity became a right, not a duty, women got the opportunity to independently manage their bodies, and outside pressure began to ease. In the sixties, thanks to greater freedom, a new type of family emerged. In the postwar years, families were built around children: for their sake, parents were ready to save the marriage or abandon their careers. But in the next decade, the focus shifted to adults and their needs: people had more freedom of choice, began to spend their strength solely on their own interests, or combine them with raising children.
Some of those who, at the age of twenty, wanted to have a child, changed their minds. Nevertheless, many women confess that they have not regretted their decision not to give birth.
In many ways, the ideas of childfrey were closely associated with feminism. The birth of a child has always been considered not just a duty, but also the “natural” desire of any woman, and the maternal instinct is “built-in” into each one by default. Feminism of the second wave did not bypass this question: a woman’s plight was associated with the ability to bear children - she was taken hostage by physiology. For example, radical Shumalith Firestone believed that childbearing should be the basis of the feminist revolution — women should have taken control of reproduction.
The popularity of childfrey attracted the attention of sociologists: in 1980, Gene Weevers published the book "Childless by Your Choice." She singled out two types of people with such views: the so-called cutters and affexionado. The first are disgusted with everything connected with small children: pregnancy, childbirth and lactation. The latter are so fascinated by their childless lifestyle that they don’t want to give it up; at the same time, they can positively relate to other people's children.
If some childfrey never doubted that they have no "parent gene", others are not always so sure of their choice. In the 2000s, new types of people rejecting procreation came to the fore, - researchers Dylan Neal and Heather Joshi called them “wavy refusers” and “permanent depositors”. Their position on children may change over time. The first ones want to have a child, then they change their plans, and then they return to their thoughts about children, without ceasing to use reliable contraception, - as a result, the appearance of offspring remains at the level of an unrealized project. The second is difficult to call confident in their decision not to give birth: they are ready for children, just not now. As a result, this “not now” becomes permanent: over time, people become so accustomed to their lifestyle that they can no longer include children in it, or cannot bring them to their health.
Over time, the position of any person can change, and childfree is no exception. In Australia, they conducted a long-term study: they asked twice about the desire to have a child: first at the age of twenty, then at thirty. During this time, the positions of the respondents managed to change: those who previously considered themselves childfree thought about children. Some of those who, at the age of twenty, wanted to have a child, changed their minds. Nevertheless, many women admit that they did not regret their decision not to give birth.
How and why are chayldfri
The statistics of the US Census Bureau showed that there are more and more women without children. In 2014, this figure reached a record level: 47.6% of women aged 15 to 44 said that they never had children. True, this survey does not take into account an important factor - the very desire to become a parent: those who would like to have children, but are deprived of this opportunity, fall here. Now about the conscious reluctance to continue the family say more. Many celebrities talk about childless lifestyles - from Chelsea Handler to Oprah Winfrey and Dolly Parton. Writer Sezin Köhler in the column for The Huffington Post said that she "does not need to push the child out of the vagina to become a real woman." Traditionally between femininity and motherhood an equal sign was put, but now women increasingly doubt the need for childbearing - and male partners do not always share their views. This is largely due to the load that, at the birth of the child, still falls only on the mother, and the fact that women are afraid of losing their careers.
The reasons why people abandon children can be different. The first childfrees were often people with a high level of income and education, mostly atheists — but now people with other convictions can make this decision. According to sociologist Olga Isupova, the reasons for not having children are different for men and women: whereas most childfree women have a high level of education and income, men, on the contrary, earn less. When choosing childlessness, women will rather think about the time needed to care for a child, while men will think about money. Childfree women prefer to focus on a career and are not sure that they can combine it with a child - the decision of the man to have children is closely related to whether he can provide them: not all men are willing to earn more for the child and at the same time spend less on themselves.
Childfrey also cites other reasons: from simple lack of desire to the imperfection of the world in which children will not be easy. Some women openly say that they are afraid of pregnancy and what will happen to their body after childbirth. Many childfrees are seriously concerned about the social problems that may affect their children.
Childfrey's position is often considered infantile or selfish, but they themselves do not think so. Many people stress that taking care of a child requires tremendous responsibility and investment - both material and emotional - and you cannot have children, as you should not think about the question. Psychologist Katerina Polivanova notes that now the era of intellectual choice has arrived: if earlier parenting was more intuitive, and parents were primarily concerned about the physical comfort of children, now parenting models are becoming more complex, and parents are more concerned about the psychological state and material well-being of the child.
LJ spawned another concept - child-night: this is the name given to those who hate children. Such people are annoyed by everything related to small children: tears, noisy behavior, breastfeeding and child care.
Actress Sonya deliberately approaches her decision: “Unlike many colleagues, I don’t think that after giving birth it will be difficult, if not impossible, to return to the profession. And yet for me the birth of a child would be a step backwards: my dream is interesting roles, not children. But despite the fact that I perfectly find a common language with children, I don’t want my own. They require tremendous energy, the child is not something that can be returned, donated or changed, it will stay with you forever. Unfortunately, many parents and those who want to become them, forget about it. Kaya position I see less mature than childfree choice: why torture yourself and the child, if I feel that it will limit me? "
Chayldfri proceed from the fact that you do not need to give birth to a child because of social pressure: "to the joy of mother," who wants to nurse the grandchildren, to save the marriage, or "because later it will be too late." “Children should appear only in families that can give them something: from material goods and their own room to education and care. I’m just not ready to give their child,” Sonia says. “I don’t want to give birth to“ for myself ”- during - First, I do not think that the meaning of life is in children. Secondly, I believe that the child needs a full family, regardless of the gender of the partners - and not the situation when the mother assumes all the roles, from the breadwinner to the cleaning lady. grateful to my mom — she was everything to me — but I don't think this is the best model for a child. " The girl does not reduce the main goal of women to motherhood: "I am sincerely happy for those whom motherhood makes happy - I will be pleased for anyone who has managed to achieve what they want. I have a good attitude towards children, but I do not think that a child is the main achievement of a woman" .
The formation of childfree culture in Russia was greatly helped by the Internet. It all began in the era of LiveJournal, with the community ru_childfree. LJ spawned another concept - child-night: this is the name given to those who hate children. Such people are annoyed by everything related to small children: tears, noisy behavior, breastfeeding and child care. They were often negative about their parents and invented nicknames for them, among which “ovulyashka” would seem the most innocent. Over time, heated discussions around the community faded away, and childfree groups moved to social networks.
A participant in one of these groups, Xenia, does not see herself as a mother at all. In her lifestyle, she finds many advantages: silence, free time and space, and most importantly, the ability not to worry about the little one, who is completely dependent on the parents. "A child is not a beautiful doll, which can only be touched, but a person with his needs and requirements. Not everyone is ready to take on such responsibility - and this is not a sign of infantilism. Immaturity is more likely a birth of a child without suitable conditions for it" believes Xenia.
She came to her position very early, without even knowing the term itself. “My main motivation is the banal“ I don’t want. ”My hobbies are in the first place, and the book is in plans. Contrary to stereotypes, we don’t promote our way of life: it has pros and cons, but there are more bonuses for me Rather, on the Internet, I encountered aggression and threats to me because of my position, I consider myself a childheit - I don’t like little children - but I never had the slightest desire to offend a child or his parents, although many they represent us in this way. And with hostility I’m concerned . Ko rude to the children, and only exacerbate the situation detotsentriki eternal excuses cool kids I take a neutral and even with respect, "- says Xenia.
Opponents of childlessness believe that childfri threaten the demographic situation in the country. But childrenfree themselves point out that it is worth paying more attention not to having children, but to raising them and creating favorable conditions. Childfree Public’s subscriber Nathan believes that “the threat of extinction is absolutely mythical, worse is overpopulation of the planet with a constant reduction of resources”: the position of childfree is not so popular as to lead to a large-scale demographic crisis. The very appearance of childfrey, he considers the result of greater consciousness: "People have become clearer to understand: it is up to them to decide who to become and what to do, and not blindly follow ancestors, parents or society."
