Former or Ryan Gosling: Whom Our Partners Look Like
LAST WEEK SERVICE FOR BADOO DATING launched a search function for people who look like celebrities, friends on facebook or even the user himself. Already after the first days of work, it turned out that Badoo guests most often look for people like celebrities: Kim Kardashian, Selena Gomez and Emma Stone.
New technologies are increasingly affecting our ways of dating - what is worth a variety of tyders and the ability to swipe to the right; It is possible that with time the search for a partner corresponding to a certain type will become something commonplace. Now, however, such a Lukist practice, which leaves no chance for random mutual sympathy, seems not only artificial, but simply unethical. But maybe there is no "random" attraction? And the choice of a partner is always based on some subconscious "ideal model", which is reproduced in each love?
New Galateas
“Which celebrity could be your boyfriend?”, “Could you meet with Justin Bieber?”, “Check how well you approach Zeina Malik!” - Russian-speaking and Western Internet is replete with tests that are called upon to check, if you trust in a shrewd algorithm, can you become a celebrity partner.
Actors, rock stars and celebrities of various kinds have become either pagan idols or icons in secular Western society of the last century. They are equated with them, they want to be seen next to them, they are attributed to semi-divine qualities. YouTube is replete with makeup tutorials that show how to become a copy of Miranda Kerr, Taylor Swift, Lady Gaga, or even Diana Shurygina and Maria Wei. And with the development of plastic surgery, people appeared who spend all their savings to become like celebrities or popular characters. For example, Jordan James spent 150 thousand dollars to look like Kim Kardashian, and the Swedish model Pixie Fox removed six edges to look like Jessica Rabbit - the drawn heroine of the film “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?”.
Appearance does not guarantee nothing at all - we ourselves endow it with expectations. In the end, we are waiting for only compulsive frustration.
This obsession dates back to ancient times. Psychologist Viktor Zaikin suggests recalling the famous myth of Pygmalion, who carved a perfect statue of Galatea and began to pray to the gods to be revived. The gods took pity, but Pygmalion quickly realized that he would not be happy with her. "Exactly the same problem can be faced by a person waiting from a companion in a tinder, similar to Johnny Depp, matching a ready-made and clear image: appearance does not guarantee anything - we are endowing it with expectations. As a result, only a compulsive disappointment awaits us - indeed it's just a substitute, not an object of desire. Moreover, if the desire to find a celebrity twin becomes intrusive, we can talk about the loss of an adequate connection with reality and ourselves, ”the psychologist believes.
But why does someone like Kim Kardashian and not like, for example, Taylor Swift? Zaikin believes that not one of the popular images is imposed by society directly, but rather is conditioned simultaneously by biology, historical circumstances and personal expectations. Obsession with celebrities is also difficult to consider solely imposed, because even these distant images we project ready-made expectations - either collective (like obsession with the modern world, thinness), or deeply personal and unique.
I'm haunted by the former
The nightmare of many people - to face the fact that the new partner will be an exact copy of the former. Sometimes the reason for turning to a psychotherapist is the desire to get out of the vicious circle, to get rid of the habit of choosing partners with the same (often uncomfortable) qualities. In this sense, looking for a copy of a former partner on Badoo is practically a recognition of the inability to overcome the problems of old relationships. When it comes to pathology, this tendency can be considered dangerous, but in general there is nothing strange if a person is faithful to a certain type, Zaikin believes. "In any case, we focus on the generalized type of father or mother, starting with appearance, ending with personal qualities. People who had authority over us in childhood can form this image: teachers, counselors, or even a neighbor in the stairwell. Later to reproduce it in one way or another. The children's environment strongly influences our future, "says the psychologist.
The founder of the Three Day Rule dating agency (“The Three-Day Rule”), Talia Goldstein, also believes that most people prefer a certain type, which does not even depend on ethnicity or hair color, but on the shape and features of the face. So, her company always requests from customers pictures of former partners. “Usually, people say that they have no specific preferences, but I often come across a situation where even partners with different skin and facial skin colors strongly resemble each other,” says Goldstin.
There is an opinion, confirmed by the research of Rutgers University, that our attraction is partly due to chemical reactions in the brain. So, people with high levels of dopamine (usually impulsive and inquisitive) and serotonin (often sociable and rational) are drawn to resemble themselves. Men with high levels of testosterone will prefer women with high levels of estrogen and oxytocin and vice versa. And although only similarities are not enough, it is difficult not to note some predetermined choice.
Twin Couples
On the Twin Boyfriends blog, one of the most amazing on the Tumblr platform, you can find hundreds of photos of gay couples where both partners tend to look the same - from hair and glasses to clothes. The author of the blog believes that in this way explores narcissism, exhibitionism and sexuality. It would seem that this confirms the old theory of Sigmund Freud: he believed that homosexuality may be associated with narcissistic personality disorder. This approach is not only homophobic and archaic, but is also refuted by numerous studies that say that most people (both heterosexual and homosexual) find partners who are similar to themselves attractive.
The Internet seems to be in confirmation, filled with headlines like "9 famous couples that look like each other," "Why do couples who live together for a long time look like each other?" It turns out that Justin Timberlake and Jessica Beale, Sophie Hunter and Benedict Cumberbatch, Jessica Alba and Cash Warren look alike. And in recent years, a special term has even appeared for this - homogamy, which means craving for people who resemble themselves, no matter whether you are heterosexual or not.
Researchers say that over the years we are becoming more and more homogamous, as we are getting more and more opportunities to choose a partner with the same education, wealth, religious and even political views, that is, we are drawn to people from the same social circle. But not only - researchers at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign are returning us to an external similarity: scientists have found that if you offer people to evaluate the attractiveness of strangers, most will prefer those who are like themselves. Well, the growing need for constant self-presentation on social networks and the popularity of selfies as a whole only reinforces this trend.
In Icelandic marriages, between children of four cousins and five cousins there are more children and grandchildren than in absolutely genetically dissimilar couples.
"According to one of the American studies, 23% of heterosexual respondents, who are faced with the need to choose the most attractive strangers from a photograph, preferred themselves to be photographed as a person of the opposite sex," says Zaikin. He believes that this dynamic is explained biologically: we strive to help our genes win in the process of evolution and therefore we select people with a similar set of genetic information.
Researchers at deCODE Genetics in Reykjavik say that there are more children and grandchildren in Icelandic marriages between four cousins and five cousins and sisters than in absolutely genetically dissimilar couples (however, there were many problems in cousin couples). According to the study, there is an acceptable degree of distant kinship, which allows you to get the most healthy and numerous offspring. Thus, Icelandic scientists, in fact, refute the famous experiment of the Swiss biologist Klaus Wedekind: in 1995 women were offered to smell men's T-shirts and, focusing on the smell, respondents chose partners who are not genetically similar to them (protecting the family from degeneration, explained Swiss scientists) .
Even skeptical biologists, researchers believe that we like people who are like us. "This information is not related to genetics, but is formed because of our environment. Our family members and relatives form our expectations from potential partners," said Debra Lieberman, a junior professor at the University of Miami. In her opinion, we want to meet not so much with ourselves, as with the abstract figures of our relatives. In addition, Tony Little, a researcher at the University of Stirling, believes that we tend to trust people who have common features with us.
And yet the obsessive desire to meet with your copy can be a pathology. “In this way, people may try to unknowingly help themselves escape from narcissistic disorder. Talking with a mirror is a classic device from Gestalt therapy, but it may not be enough for someone. A person can choose a living mirror to finally talk to himself honestly.” says Victor Zaikin. In his opinion, a temporary connection with his copy can be quite normal and even useful, while an obsessive tendency should be alerted, like any desire that subordinates the rest of life.
Images: Etsy (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
