"I felt like a young mother": Honest stories of pet mistresses
"A cat has nine lives, nothing will happen to it," "What are you worried, it's just a dog" - everyone who decided to have a pet, certainly heard these phrases. Often, people do not understand that the appearance of a pet is a huge stress that can lead to conflicts, aggravation of anxiety or a severe psychological crisis. Yulia Dudkina told about her experience in raising a puppy and talked with responsible hostesses about how they decided to have animals and what difficulties it turned out.
Julia Dudkina
Alyona
Nine years ago, when my husband and I were still students, we thought about buying a dog. We did not build concrete plans - we just occasionally discussed how great it would be. Then one day, February 14, the husband returned home with a puppy in his bosom. It turned out to be a tiny toy terrier - he was only a month old. In fact, breeders usually sell older puppies - starting from three months. But we thought, since we had sold such a small one without any questions, it means that this is necessary, the professionals know better.
Toy terrier is a small dog, they are called "indoor". Often they are taught to go to the tray, and some owners do not walk with them at all. While Ozzy was a puppy, he was almost always at home - if we were with him on the street, not for long. He did not get acquainted with other dogs and generally did not communicate with anyone except us. When the winter is over, we finally decided to go for a long walk to the park. So he saw the horse, and there was a real shock to him. We even got scared for him. Later we realized that Ozzy was afraid of everything: people, insects, other dogs.
At first, we were calm about the fact that he was so impressionable - it did not cause any trouble. But with age, he became not only afraid, but also to show aggression. Now he can grin at another dog, start barking at the guests. It happens that even bites. If we plan to have a party, we have to negotiate with the relatives so that they take Ozzy for a while. But he is also afraid of them, so they try not to make sharp movements in his presence. We are embarrassed to ask someone to look after him.
When we took the dog, we did not understand that each animal has its own character and psychological characteristics. It seems to me that when Ozzy was a puppy, we did not pay enough attention to the difficulties in his behavior, and with age everything only got worse. Most likely, he was by nature shy. We could take measures and try to make life easier for him and ourselves. But we were very young and did not understand all this. Now I know: if you are going to have a pet, you need to carefully examine the issue. Learn about the features of the breed, read specialized literature, get to know the breeders more closely. I love my dog very much and get upset when I see that it is scary and uncomfortable. In part, I blame myself.
In the New Year came to us neighbors, and Ozzie gave a real tantrum. He was noisy, running away from everyone, could not calm down. Every time after such stress, he gets very tired and sleeps all day. After the holiday, I decided: it's time to change something. He is already quite an adult dog, but I still hope that it is not too late to help him. In the near future I plan to contact a zoopsychologist and try to correct the situation.
Daria
I had long dreamed of a dog, but I constantly had to postpone this dream for later: I did not have my own apartment, and I rarely allowed to keep pets in removable landlords. Last year I finally settled all the housing issues and decided: it’s time to have a puppy. I had no fears and doubts. I knew that a dog would have to spend a lot of time raising her. During the time that I was preparing for the appearance of a pet, I seemed to be able to weigh and think over everything.
Every day I came across posts in social networks about how someone cannot find owners for homeless puppies and asks for money for their maintenance. I began to write to these people: "I was found, I will be the mistress." But they answered me something unintelligible. Apparently, they were scammers. In the end I went to Avito and found a suitable ad there. The girl told me that she picked up a puppy at her dacha in Belarus and brought it home to Moscow. The fact is that homeless animals are often caught and put to sleep in Belarus, and she was afraid that the animal would die. She, too, could not keep him, so she began to look for his masters. At that time, the puppy was only one month old, it was quite a baby. But I decided that it was even better, from the very beginning I would bring it up the way I want. David called him - in honor of Bowie.
I brought him home late at night. David whined and was kind of limp, but at first I didn’t worry. I decided, probably, he was tired and did not understand what was happening. At night, he continued to whine. In the morning I gave him anthelmintic - puppies are supposed to take it before being vaccinated. From his drug was sick, and it looked very strange. At first, I decided that the day before, before I had taken him away, he was fed pasta. But then I looked closer and realized that it was not pasta that came out of it at all. These were parasites. I wanted to cry for horror. The puppy was sick with almost no breaks. It was disgusting, and at the same time I was extremely sorry for the dog.
When we rushed to the veterinary clinic, they explained to me that this happens with homeless puppies. Most often, they die because of parasites. We had time just in time - David was saved, he was prescribed pills. After some time, he cheered up, became mischievous. Once I relaxed, new difficulties appeared: he began to go to the toilet very often, about five times an hour. He had not yet learned how to do his business in the diaper, so I was constantly cleaning up after him. It turned out that he had a urinary tract infection. David had to drink antibiotics again. Due to the fact that he was often sick, I could not get him vaccinated, and without them he could not go out. After a couple of months, when he recovered and grew a bit older, he wanted to walk and play with other dogs. But instead, he was locked up in four walls, he had nowhere to put energy, and he began to destroy everything around.
Once David gnawed a charger from the MacBook. I bought a new one, and literally in three days it gnawed him too. Here I had a real crisis. By that moment, all my money and nerves had gone to the treatment of the dog, and the story of the chargers was the last straw. I sat and thought: "Maybe I overestimated my strength? Maybe I should give it back?"
At the same time, it seemed to me that my reaction to what had happened was not quite adequate. I reproached myself: it’s stupid to be upset about some kind of wire. Maybe the "normal" owners are more relaxed about such situations? I decided to go online and read how other people behave in such cases. At one of the sites I came across a terrible video: a teenager threw a puppy out the window, which broke his laptop. It was a shocking video, but, oddly enough, I calmed down a bit. I stopped to think that I was some kind of “not such” hostess - I didn’t beat the dog and didn’t even scold me. And to be upset is normal.
Soon after the story with the chargers, the vet called me. He said: "The results of your tests came, the puppy is healthy. Get immunized, you will soon go for a walk." And then I finally sighed calmly. It became clear to us that we experienced the most difficult time and then everything will be better. So it turned out. Of course, David still sometimes plays pranks. But he is healthy, funny. I am very glad that I have it.
The first months of life with a puppy are remembered to me as some kind of nightmare. If someone had told me in advance that it would be so hard, I would never have believed it. It got even worse because many people tried to give me advice: "The puppy nibbles expensive things? Buy him toys." You might think everything is so easy. David has a whole bunch of toys, but restless puppies do not understand how a toy differs from furniture and wires. Unfortunately, people love to give advice down, especially when they are not very understanding of the topic. Some more gave out: "Why do you need this mongrel, and even sick? Why don't you get rid of her?" To a man who just started an animal, and so hard, why tell him that?
Margarita
I never planned to get a pet. But once a cat settled down at the entrance, and I began to feed him. He began to constantly come to my floor and wait for me. One morning the doorbell rang. Several neighbors came to me and demanded that I "take my cat home." I replied: "But this is not my cat." They replied: "The whole entrance knows that it is yours. Either take it for yourself, or it will be on the street." I thought: why not pick it up? I still feed him every day.
At that time he was about a year. It was a small, completely white cat. To be honest, he looked awkward - with bright eyes and a missing tooth. I sent my mom a photo, and she wrote: "Why is he so scary?" I called the cat Lel, but many believe that his name is Laziness. Even the vet heard his name wrong and wrote in the cat's passport: "Laziness." From the first days we started having problems with him. He went to the toilet where he wanted, most often on the bed. A week later, I realized that my mattress was hopelessly flawed. He had to throw out. I took a sleeping bag and moved to the kitchen - it was the only place in the apartment where I could close myself from the cat, and I really wanted to hide from it. I lay on the kitchen floor, and despair gripped me. It seemed that now the cat is the main one in the apartment. As if it was me, not him, a couple of days ago they took me out of the door.
I understood that my life had changed forever: now I cannot suddenly go on vacation - I will have to look for a person who agrees to feed Lelia. It will not be possible to disappear from the house for a couple of days or to rent a new apartment without agreeing with the landlord on the existence of an animal. I could not accept this new reality, I wanted to return everything back. Such a feeling happens when you plan something interesting, and at the last moment you get sick. Feelings of hopelessness and self-pity. But I firmly knew: I will not throw out the cat.
We went to the state veterinary clinic to conduct an examination and get vaccinations. I told the vet that Lel went to the toilet in the most inappropriate places. He said: "If this is a big problem for you, take it back to the porch." It was very disappointing. My parents told me the same thing: "You yourself created problems for yourself, why do you need this cat?" In another clinic - private - I was told that the cat refuses to go to the tray because of stress. I even thought to contact a zoopsychologist, but I did not have the money for it. I also read a lot of forums dedicated to pets. Some people wrote that problems with the toilet are due to bladder cancer. I was worried: what if Lel dies?
Gradually, he stopped needing on the bed and began to do it on the floor. And then one day he went to the tray. I felt like a young mom, who rejoices to tears that her child went to the potty. I wanted to tell everyone I knew about it. Gradually, everything began to improve.
Often, I still thought that without Lelia my life would have become simpler. Once my friend settled with me while she was looking for an apartment. She made friends with the cat very much, scratched it all the time, stroked it. She suggested, "Let me take him with me when I move?" At first it seemed to me a good option. But then the cat fell ill. I took him to the veterinarian in the middle of the night, until four in the morning various manipulations were performed with him: they shaved his hair, did ultrasounds. He did not resist - lay quietly and rumbled. I looked at him and understood: I managed to love this cat and would not give it to anyone.
A year after this incident, I met a neighbor in the elevator. He asked how the cat was doing, and then he admitted that he had persuaded neighbors to come to me and persuade Lel to be taken away. At the same time the neighbor knew that the cat was not mine. It just seemed to him that I could agree to take it. Of course, it was not fair, he actually made the decision for me. But I was no longer angry - only laughed.
Not that Lelya had the perfect character. He fights furniture, and my friends call him a "furry asshole." More from him a lot of wool. I even stopped wearing black clothes - her white hair is too striking. My friends and I had a joke, if someone on a journey finds Lel's hairs on him, he takes pictures of them and sends them to the rest with the caption: "Even cat hair travels more than you." But my cat is very affectionate. He likes to climb up to people and rumble. Once he disappeared for several days, and I terribly missed. Two nights walked around the area and put up ads. Then she went to the management company, asked for the keys to the basement and found him there. When I took Lelya, he screamed and scratched. But I was very glad that he was with me again.
Recently, a veterinarian came to my house to saw the cat's claws. I complained to her that he would not start using the scraper and would scratch furniture instead. She asked: "Have you shown him how to use it?" A year ago, I would have just laughed and twisted my finger at my temple. But now this question does not seem strange to me. Of course, I already got up on all fours and pretended to sharpen my claws so that the cat could see how it was done. He recently finally learned.
Yuliya
The first dog in our house appeared when I was just learning to speak. One day, Dad went to the market for groceries, and returned with a puppy. Then this puppy grew up in a huge and formidable guard dog breed, even his acquaintances were afraid of him. But he loved us - the masters - with all the dog devotion. Then there were other dogs in our family. So from childhood I knew how to handle them, what they could be fed with, and what they could not. I understood how to teach a dog to basic commands, I understood rocks. From infancy I adored dogs and did not know how people live in whose house they are not. Still, the responsibility for these animals lay mainly on their parents. Does a dog have food, where to get money for a vet, how to get up for a walk at seven in the morning - these were not my concerns as a child.
When my parents and I left, I, of course, began to think about my own dog. But I understood that this responsibility was not up to me yet. Moreover, I am an alarming person in life and it is psychologically difficult for me to take long-term obligations. And of course, I realized that I could not cope with it alone: I used to work a lot, sometimes I would stay up late in the editorial office. I did not want the animal to suffer at home alone.
When we came together with a boyfriend, we began to dream of a dog already together. We watched the neighbors' animals through the window and knew the name of each of them. Most of all we liked the corgi named Buba from a neighboring house. In the evening we asked each other: "Did you see Bubu today? And I saw."
Last year it turned out that I almost always started working from home. Besides, I earned good money. We began to talk more often about getting a dog: it seemed that the right moment had finally arrived. True, I was still afraid - sometimes our conversations ended in my tears. But once I told myself: "If you wait for an even more appropriate moment, it may simply not come." And we took a corgi puppy.
The first months I felt very lonely. My friends are not very good at dogs. They came to visit "play with a puppy", but in the end they were disappointed: "Oh, he bites!" The fact is that puppies do not immediately get used to toys - at first they try to play with their owners just like with other puppies. Bite, fight. Yes, and their milk teeth are very sharp. I knew about it, but I was hurt that many acquaintances did not understand this and reacted as if my puppy was some kind of “not like that”.
When the Rover grew a little, we began to go for a walk. It seems to me that the dog community is something like a parent. When a man appears with a puppy, they immediately begin to teach him: "You are training the dog incorrectly," "Do not worry so much for him, my dog will not do anything to him." At the same time, they themselves behave as if their dogs were always calm and obedient. Every day dog lovers in the park insisted that I let the dog off the leash. I said: "He is small and very frisky, he will run away." They replied: "Nothing will happen to him." Once I really took a chance and eventually caught my puppy a meter from the road the cars drive. From now on, I decided that I would no longer listen to people who grossly violated my personal boundaries. But it is not always easy.
One day, a familiar dog walked up to me for a walk and said: "I see your Rover tearing off the leash. I've taught my Lawrence not to do that. Now I will show you." I did not have time to do anything - she grabbed my dog by the collar and pressed it to the ground. I am against such methods of education, and did not ask her for help. At first I was just numb. Then I was very ashamed that I could not prevent this intervention.
Вообще-то этот опыт оказался полезным. Мне всегда было трудно выстраивать личные границы и давать отпор слишком навязчивым людям. Но теперь, когда дело стало касаться не только меня, но и моей собаки, я поняла: пора наконец этому научиться. Сейчас я уже никому не позволяю вмешиваться в наш процесс воспитания.
Из-за того, что у меня тревожный характер, я постоянно волнуюсь, что с собакой что-нибудь случится. Первое время я не могла оставить щенка одного надолго. Начинала думать: "А вдруг он съест что-нибудь несъедобное и подавится? Вдруг ему нужна моя помощь? Вдруг с ним уже что-то произошло?" Я не могла расслабиться, постоянно думала, как он там. My parents gave me a "baby monitor" for my birthday, a device with which I can see what happens to Rover and even tell him something over the speakerphone. At first I went to the application all the time and checked what it does without me. But then I realized that for the most part he was just sleeping. Now it is much easier for me to leave home, I can spend hours not “prying” Rover.
Of course, when I had a video camera for a dog, some friends decided that I was completely crazy. Many have told me that this is "somehow strange." Maybe so. I know that I behave like a hypertemptive mom. But gradually I try to reduce the level of anxiety and stop constantly monitoring my puppy. Due to the fact that I have been with dogs since childhood, I have often seen them get sick, suffer, die. It seems that I know too well what can happen if I do not keep track of the dog, and now I bend over the stick, trying to prevent any trouble.
The older the Rover gets, the calmer I am. He is less likely to try to eat something dangerous, learned to come on a walk on a team. If at first I was constantly in stress and almost hysterical, now I am quietly leaving for work. I adore my dog and am very proud that I was able to overcome the fear of responsibility. When I come home, he climbs into my lap, so that I embrace him. I think I needed to get an animal to learn calm and confidence.
Helena
I have long wanted to have a puppy, but I was not sure that I could handle it. So for starters, I tried to take over the volunteer dogs. There are groups of volunteers who take animals of specific breeds from shelters or pick them up from the streets to find a new home for them. While the owners are looking for the dogs, somebody takes them to themselves for a while. That's what I was doing. Most often adult Labradors came to me.
Last year I began to seriously think about my own pet. When I moved closer to work, I even took care of finding landlords who would not mind animals. I immediately warned them that maybe in the future I will have a dog.
I studied different breeds and realized that I like herding breeds - they are focused on working together with a person and are very active, but I wanted to play sports with a dog. Also, unlike hunting breeds, shepherds are not so inclined to run away for something moving. In the end, I chose the border collie - they can learn a lot of teams and are happy with any activity. True, they need a large load - both physical and mental. They can not walk twice a day for half an hour on a leash. Otherwise, they will destroy the apartment and gnaw their own paws. I was worried for a long time that I could not cope with such a dog. I have ups and downs of activity, it is difficult for me to adhere to a permanent regime. Besides, I always tried to avoid responsibility for someone, she gave me discomfort.
I had a long conversation with friends, dog handlers, a psychotherapist. After two months of deliberation, I still decided. I approached the issue of buying a puppy very responsibly. I asked a cynologist friend to help me choose a good mating, we went to watch puppies together. In the end, we chose a healthy and fearless puppy. The breeder was ready to advise me and help, I also added to the chat of the owners, who took puppies from the same litter.
But even such a responsible approach did not help me prepare for all the trials. Everything turned out not the way I expected. Border Collies are very fast dogs. It is difficult for human vision to keep track of all puppy movements. Loki moved without ceasing. At the same time, he did not leave me a single step. Constantly looked at me. As soon as I got out of bed, he ran up. If I went to the bathroom, he would begin to whine under the door. I was terribly angry because I could not even calmly take a shower. Personal space is very important to me, and I have always been comfortable at home alone. Now, when the puppy walked behind me with a tail, I began to fall into despair. Nobody warned that the dog would constantly look at me.
A few days later I was lying on the bed, wrapped in a blanket and falling into a deep tantrum. I told my friend that I was on the verge, and she found on the Internet several ways to switch the dog from the owner to her own affairs. I decided to try out these tips: I rolled the towel into a roll, and hid delicacies inside. For the first time in several days, Loki turned away from me, and I sighed with relief.
Also my friend helped me a lot, who said that if I want to return the puppy to the breeders, he will support me and help him to drive. Then I realized that my situation is not hopeless, if I feel very bad, then returning a dog is not a crime. Then let me go. Unfortunately, in the canine community, people often face condemnation. If a person does not cope with a dog, a stream of hatred will surely fall on him. But in fact, the main thing for the dog is responsible and loving owners. It is better to try to find good hands for an animal than to torture him and yourself or throw them out onto the street.
I did not return Loki breeders. Now he has already learned to entertain himself at home, and I’m also used to being concentrated on me. For dogs, it is normal to look at the leader for a long time and closely - that is how they get his attention. I remind myself of this and it becomes easier for me. Nevertheless, I am glad when at home he sleeps or goes about his business. But while walking and training, I am completely focused on the dog, and in these moments I am glad to have his attention. Training is easy for me, I like to cope with difficult moments and enjoy the victories.
PHOTO: andy0man - stock.adobe.com, Suphansa - stock.adobe.com, Africa Studio - stock.adobe.com, siavramova - stock.adobe.com