Checklist: 8 Conservative Parents' Tips That Should Not Be Followed

ALEXANDRA SAVINA

Many faced the insistent advice of relatives (often parents) who seemed at least out of place. And if the question of whether to wear a hat and whether it is so important to eat soup every day, adults can solve it painlessly, it is much more difficult to deal with some stereotypical attitudes. Perhaps relatives do not mean anything bad and want to help you - but at the same time they act exclusively within the framework of their experience, not to mention that they are trying to impose it. It is possible that they simply do not pay attention to the fact that times have changed, and their advice is just a tribute to tradition. We have collected a few moderately conservative councils (they, by the way, can be broadcast by people of different ages, while your parents may have refrained from pressure), which is not necessarily followed.

"Be sure to get a higher education"

In the time of our parents' youth, higher education was a compulsory (and often formal) point on the way to a higher quality of life: students studied for several years at the university, underwent practical training, and then became employees with a state-guaranteed salary. Today, things are different, and education for the sake of a particular profession gradually loses its meaning. Professions appear and die almost every day, so human skills and the ability to quickly adapt to changing market conditions are almost more important than a predisposition to a particular profession. It’s the same with getting education for crust: formal proof of study today is hardly appreciated today.

Nobody urges you to abandon higher education - the importance of the ability and ability to learn is difficult to overestimate. Speech only about how to approach the process more consciously. Think about what exactly you would like to learn and whether the educational institution that you (or your family have chosen) can give you. And do not forget that you are learning for your own sake, and not "for parents."

"You can't be angry or cry"

Unfortunately, many parents are still oriented towards gender stereotypes in their upbringing: it is believed that girls should be gentle and have no right to be angry, and boys, on the contrary, should be strong and cannot cry or be sad. Many adhere to the same point of view in adult life: many people are accustomed to consider tears as "weakness" and "manipulation." This is not true. In addition, the switch, which would help to disable the "wrong" emotion, does not exist. The fact that you are not aware of any emotions does not mean that you are not experiencing them - rather, you lose control over how you express them.

"Find the" normal "job"

This item is close to talking about education. The labor market is changing rapidly: many professions that used to be familiar now die off, while others, on the contrary, quickly emerge and become more popular (you could hardly imagine how the blogger and SMM manager would spread, for example, at the beginning of 2000s). For many, a successful career is still associated with a large corporation, working in an office from nine to six, and expensive suits. But in life there are different options, and self-realization does not depend on whether you wear jeans and whether you like to work from home.

"Depression? Work, and everything will pass"

The idea that depression and various mental disorders do not exist can be transmitted by people of very different ages. Nevertheless, the talk about the fact that depression can be eliminated if you “just unwind”, or that “ordinary laziness” supposedly hides behind it, sounds frighteningly often. Of course, not everything that we used to call depression in everyday life really is - and if we are talking about simple sadness or depression, a change of scenery or entertainment can really help. But it is not only useless to advise a person to get “depressed”, but also dangerous — perhaps a feeling of guilt is added to depression for not being able to “pull yourself together.” If you feel that we are talking about something more than simple tiredness and bad mood, contact a specialist - even if the closest people think that you do not need it.

"By twenty-five it's time to get married"

Many people who adhere to traditional views on relationships consider wedding to be an indispensable element: relationships that do not end with a magnificent ceremony and exchange of rings, in such a paradigm simply do not make sense (in such situations you can hear that "This is not serious" and " prospects? ") But this view of relationships seems at least outdated today.

Official registration of relations is only one of many possible ways, and a monogamous heterosexual family has ceased to be the only model existing in society. Hence another attitude to marriage: for someone it is an important symbolic gesture or a way to settle the relationship legally, without resorting to separate contracts - and someone does well without it, believing that for formal relations no formal confirmation is needed - or that the relationship is too fleeting to, in principle, try to regulate them formally. Therefore, to focus on the views of others in this matter is not worth it: the main thing is that you and your partner be equally concerned with marriage or the absence of a stamp in your passport - and the rest is still of secondary importance.

"Dress like an adult"

Unfortunately, evaluating comments without a request is a standard social practice, and perhaps most often they relate to clothing and appearance in general. Conservative-minded relatives may have their own ideas about what a “serious” “adult” person should look like: a business suit, a strict dress, no jeans, pink hair and a piercing. You probably yourself represent them or heard the notorious: "Dress yourself according to the work you want, not the work you have."

It is not excluded that potential employers, to whom you will get for an interview, are really looking for a person who looks "solid". But you are not at all obliged to fit into someone else's standards and conform to someone else's ideas about the beautiful. If you feel comfortable, others will have to accept that everything is okay with you - and take into account your opinion. In addition, as mentioned above, you decide whether you need such work.

"Rather, give birth to a child"

Not so long ago, we have already told in detail why we need to forget the word "old-bearing". Although it is still possible to hear from many doctors that a child must be born to a certain age, in reality there are much more nuances. Everything depends on the peculiarities of health and lifestyle of each individual woman, and one digit in the passport cannot be judged on the fertility of the woman, nor on how the pregnancy will proceed.

And all this - not counting the fact that today more and more people, in principle, come to a conscious desire not to have children. The position of childfree ceases to seem something strange - evasion of "duty" to society or "selfishness." So even if the older relatives do not agree with your views, you have every right to have children at any age or not to start at all - this is solely your choice.

"Who gets up early, that God gives"

The idea that there is a universal mode of the day sounds about as strange as the phrase that there is work that will suit everyone without exception. The very idea that people are divided into "owls" and "larks" is not criticized for the first day. But many also think that in fact all people without exception are “larks” - and if a person sleeps longer, he “just is lazy to get up and do everything early.” The truth is that everything is individual: if you are satisfied with your schedule, you manage to do all the work without disturbing anyone (it’s unlikely your neighbor will be happy that you learn to play the drum set at two o'clock in the morning), and, most importantly, get enough sleep, No worries - even if others try to convince you.

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