Trichotillomania: I pulled out eyelashes for ten years
Trichotillomania is an obsessive state where a person pulls out his own hair (on the head or body), eyebrows or eyelashes. Due to the fact that this type of self-harm does not lead to a direct threat to physical health and life, little is said about trichotillomania - although it can cause a person to suffer greatly from a misunderstanding of what is happening, but also from the mockery of others. According to some reports, this disorder occurs at one time or another in 1% of people - that is, it is not so rare. Lena K. told how her tricytillosis started and how she managed to defeat her ten years later.
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not thirty-two years, a couple of years ago I went to France, where I live with my husband and while I am engaged in perfecting French. I rarely remember trichotillomania and don’t like to talk - it’s hard and not very pleasant. From time to time she dreams of me, and then I am relieved
I sigh after waking up. When I was twelve, on vacation I went to another city, to my aunt, uncle, and cousin. She and I were almost the same age and were very friendly despite the distance. I do not know why trichotillomania began exactly then; I think a psychotherapist would have responded better, but I suspect that I was stunned by the atmosphere of a complete and peaceful family, so unlike my own. I saw people dine and dine at the same table, live in a tidy apartment, found out that you can joke and fool with dad. Then it all started.
I do not remember the first torn eyelashes, but I remember very well how I returned home with half-bald centuries — the eyelashes remained only in the corners of the eyes. I painted over the remaining areas with a dark gray pencil (nobody seems to have heard of false eyelashes in those years). Mom then thought that we were buying on a vacation in a pond, so crap that my body decided to respond in such an amazing way. I don’t think she knows what has happened to me all these years - alas, our relationship cannot be called confidential.
Once she took me to a hospital, where they did a couple of general tests; I visited a dermatologist, and on this all attempts to find out what was going on ended. I do not know if there were patients with trichotillomania in that clinic, except me. As they wrote at one of the forums devoted to disorder: "... in clinics they send such patients to a dermatologist, and after that they appoint a new channel and valerian," I think the author had in mind just the usual urban institutions in the province.
I still have goosebumps from some of the statements read there: “... my husband punches his hands, his daughter doesn’t react at all, his mother advises him to pull her hair in a“ different ”place, her sister calls her a“ fool ”, her eyes are round at work "," ... people do not understand. I told my mother, she just answered me: "What are you, stupid?" "And a quote from a" normal "user who accidentally visited the forum:" I would have your problems. You have been fighting for every hair for months , and you pull out your healthy hair yourself. You obviously have nothing to do with your head. "
The hardest thing was to hide the bald spots: I started to hear chuckles at school, but once I had to get off the bus before my stop - two girls next started mockingly discuss me. From a distance, everything looked more or less natural, but close, of course, it looked unusual. I considered myself "gone mad" special: I had absolutely no one to share, and most importantly, this mania frightened me. Every time when I touched the pricklyness of the penetrating cilia with my fingertips, I could not avoid the usual ritual: grab an eyelash (my nails were always cut short, but in extreme cases my mother’s tweezers went) and pulled.
In one of the videos about TTM on youtube, the author mentioned the feeling of "pain in the eyelashes", which prompted them to start pulling them out. I didn’t have any unpleasant feelings, but my microscopic cilia were very unnerving - it was worth finding one, and I could not stop. I did not notice any irritation or reddening of the eyes, to be honest. I had to carry a pencil or eyeliner with me, and spending the night with my friends turned into a quest "Wake up early and run to the bathroom to paint over balding eyelids." I muttered at the dentist that I accidentally burned my eyelashes (if I was asked about them).
In a roundabout way, I came across a forum dedicated to trichotillomania. There were many girls with their own stories, requests and advice. There were people with almost no eyebrows, people with bald spots of different sizes, users with trichophagy(obsessive eating hair, which can lead to severe complications of the intestine. - Ed.); finally, the same as me - without eyelashes. I could not believe: I am not alone!
To deal with the problem is not alone easier and more productive. Everyone has their own approach and their tricks: from keeping online diaries to patches on the fingers (it is almost impossible to grab a hair or an eyelash). I began to correspond in a social network with a girl of fourteen years old from a small town - her family practically did not react at all to the difficult recognition. I gradually communicated on the forum, wrote words of support and gave some simple advice - and at the same time I began to take control of the situation. I bought an expensive mascara, the first in my life, tried to draw more, drove away vain and heavy thoughts.
For many years, since childhood, I abhorred myself and engaged in self-destruction. Learning to appreciate and love yourself, not to depend on the opinions of others, not to try to compare yourself and your achievements with others is, in my opinion, the most important thing. I managed to return the eyelashes with titanic work - I do not know how long it took. I believe that a psychotherapist can help overcome tricytillomania - but the problem is that many people live in small towns or villages, where psychotherapy is bad. Many people are afraid to remain misunderstood and seem "crazy".
I want people who are faced with trichotillomania to understand that they are not alone - unfortunately, many still do not know about the existence of such a disorder. I am not a supporter of diagnosing or treating diseases online, but this is probably the case when you should ask a search engine to find people with the same problem. If the parents notice that the child pulls out the hair, you need to find a specialist as soon as possible, preferably someone who has already dealt with cases of TTM. And still it is necessary to talk in a friendly way with the child before the visit, to express support. Beating hands or asking "are you tearing up again?" - definitely not the best help.
If you notice signs of trichotillomania, you can seek help from a psychiatrist or psychotherapist. Information about this disorder can be found on the Euphoria Community, Atmosphere Balance forums, and in The Hair Pulling Problem: A Complete Guide to Trichotillomania.
A free 24-hour emergency phone number 051 (Moscow), toll-free helpline 8-800-333-44-34 (Russia).
Photo: goldnetz - stock.adobe.com (1, 2)
