How to tune in a positive way
ALL WE HAVE GROWN THE MASS OF QUESTIONS TO THEMSELVES AND THE WORLDwith which there seems to be no time or need to go to a psychologist. But convincing answers are not born when you talk to yourself, or to your friends, or to your parents. Therefore, we asked a professional psychotherapist Olga Miloradova to answer pressing questions once a week. By the way, if you have them, send to [email protected].
How to tune in a positive way?
The festive mood and summing up of the year are interspersed with anxious expectation that the coming year is preparing for us. Someone used to expect that with the change of numbers all the bad things are in the past and life will start from scratch, someone, on the contrary, assumes that everything beautiful is left behind and now everything will be only worse, but the truth is that the only moment that is worth living in the present is not the past and not the future, but here and now, and the only reason that prevents us from honestly living our here and now is negative thinking, leading us to fear, anxiety and depression.
Olga Miloradova psychotherapist
Not all events in life depend on us, but the attitude to these events depends on us 100 percent. It is your choice whether to consider the day frosty and invigorating or chilly and nasty. This is what we give ourselves the installation, whether there is a merry pre-New Year bustle at the mall or is it full of nasty fussy people. This is what we attribute to the work colleague a mythical dislike for oneself, instead of just once more smiling at him. And yes, there is a wonderful stereotype in our culture that these Americans (Europeans, Thais, etc.) smile at each other with insincere smiles, while we are gloomy, but honest. And what's more, it is our custom to raise children through negative reinforcement: instead of telling a child how strong and dexterous, once he climbed a tree, we say, my God, you break, fall, don't go there, it's scary, then evil uncle stole, here the car will kill, and Santa Claus, probably, is a pedophile at all.
Yet it is precisely positive thinking that gives us a number of excellent benefits (besides obviously better mood): resistance to catarrhal disease, less susceptibility to stress, better adaptive abilities, natural ability to form strong relationships, and so on.
Think of what you would like to do today and only for yourself.
And if you have been bothered by the image of a thoughtful, but constantly suffering cynic, then first of all you should take responsibility for the manner in which you live this life. No one except you controls your thoughts. Nobody imposes on you how you should feel. And even if you are an anxious person who is inclined to absorb other people's adversities and excitements, this is again your choice, from what people you feed off, because with the same success you might prefer to absorb emotions and confidence of positively-minded people.
Make a plan for yourself to stop thinking negatively. Think of what you would like to do today and only for yourself. Finally, decide exactly what you are in control of the situation, do not let other people and situations impose on you what you should and should not do. Don't let other people ruin your plans. People can sometimes seem more anxious about something than they really are, thus dragging you into a disturbing swamp, which they themselves were not too worried about. Get used to “recognizing” your negative thoughts, it’s not a bad idea to start recording them. Read what was written at the end of the day and think about how you could change a particular thought to the opposite. For example: I have been waiting for a friend in a cafe for too long and get annoyed. Instead, you can be glad that there are ten more minutes to read the article you are interested in, call your mother, answer the letter.
In the future, if you keep records (which is better) or at least try to memorize, then what got you off track, you will most likely notice a certain tendency over time: what negative thoughts do you most often pursue? What things are annoying? After talking with someone you tend to be depressed or panic? Why? When you can summarize, narrow down the problem, it will be easier for you to work with it, analyze it and eradicate it or even level it over time.
Find a hobby that calms you down or allows you to blow off steam.
Over time, you will begin to identify your negative thoughts on the move. Create from this game. Track their appearance and come up with a positive replacement. Avoid maximalism. Stop sharing things in black and white. Everything is ambiguous, each event has many shades. Try to find a compromise solution. Do not throw something at all, because you do not have time. It is better to make a qualitative part and calmly finish it tomorrow than to panic, to say that I don’t have time, I don’t do anything and not have time again tomorrow. Allow yourself to be a little more relaxed, perhaps it will reduce the degree of your responsibility, but it will save your nerves, and perhaps you will only have time to do everything better.
Do not let people fall for you, even if it is a boss, a friend, a family member. One can simply say that you are not ready to continue the dialogue while it is happening in a similar form, others - that such an attitude will affect your work. If you talk with people and not hope for a metaphysical understanding, they are quite capable of entering your situation and changing behavior.
Find a hobby that calms you down or allows you to blow off steam. Practice boxing, walk in parks more, start playing the flute - it is never too late for any hobby if you have wanted it for a long time, the main thing is that you enjoy it and bring joy. Do not forget to devote time to yourself. Do not sacrifice your hobby in order to take the child into an extra circle or over-fulfill the plan. The child will grow up, and the boss will not appreciate. Love yourself and remember that nothing that happens is a disaster. Anyway, most problems can be solved.