Marriage of the future: Why gay couples want to marry, and heterosexual - no
LAST WEEK, SEVERAL EVENTS HAPPENED IMMEDIATELYthat made us think again of “traditional” marriages and families that are allegedly threatened by change. On the one hand, cohabitation was suggested to be equated to “de facto marital relations”. On the other hand, two Russian men said that their marriage, concluded in Copenhagen, was officially recognized in Russia - however, later the Ministry of Internal Affairs declared their passports invalid, the couple seized documents, and the men themselves were forced to leave Russia.
Both news caused such a stir, because in the mass consciousness the marriage still seems to be something traditional and monolithic. This is a union of two people (necessarily men and women), strictly monogamous; He needs to consolidate the relationship legally and take care of the children together. Meanwhile, in the history of marriages can be found and polygamy, and homosexual unions, and what today is called a civil marriage in everyday life. Nevertheless, modern ideas about love, ethics, and human rights do not affect our ideas about marriage in any way, is also impossible: what seemed obvious in the 21st century often simply stops working - and new norms replace it. We understand what should be the marriage of the future.
First of all, the changes relate to gender roles. If before marriage was more necessary for women (they economically and legally depended on their husband - an American, for example, had no right to own property until the middle of the XIX century; besides, unmarried women, like cohabitation before marriage, were strongly condemned by society), today this is just one of many possible ways. Yes, the difficult situation with maternity leave and wage inequality continue to push women to the traditional distribution of roles - but unlike the “golden” age of housewives - the fifties - there are many examples around them that prove to achieve economic stability and, if desired, bring up children possible and out of wedlock.
Changed and attitude to sex. If earlier in many cultures it was considered permissible only between husband and wife (besides, the wedding itself was a religious rite, not secular), then today the new norm can be considered rather the opposite: contraception helped to separate sex and childbirth. According to the UN, more than 60% of Russian teenage girls had sex before they turned nineteen - while the average age of marriage in Russia over the past twenty years has grown steadily: in 2013, it was 27.6 years for men and 25.2 years for women. According to research, the average American has ten years of sexual life before she gets married. They are talking more and more about asexuality - and this is a reason to think about whether sex is really an integral part of relationships in general and marriage in particular.
Marriage helps gay couples to become a family in the face of the law and to get relying rights and opportunities: to be considered parents of a common child as equals, to come to a partner’s hospital, not to testify against him in court
New time brought with it new ideas about sexuality and other models of relations - from guest and free marriage to polyamory with a complex structure and hierarchy of relations between the participants. Although, strictly speaking, non-monogamous relationships existed for centuries - remember the traditions of courtly love (the married Beautiful Lady, which an unmarried man falls in love with) or the more familiar situations for a modern person when the husband "lives in two families". It is difficult to say how such formats of relations will be regulated legally, but they cannot be ignored - especially if we consider the protection of the rights of spouses as one of the foundations of marriage.
The “traditional” model of matrimonial relations is also child-centric: earlier the legalized union was needed largely to give children the right to the father’s name and inheritance, now it’s easier for the couple to solve the issues of custody and financial support for the child (and after the wedding, and in case of divorce). Today, incomplete families are no longer perceived as something unusual: according to the 2010 All-Russian Population Census, there are more than five and a half million families in our country consisting of a single mother with a child and more than 650 thousand families consisting of a single father raising children . Experts note that in practice, women who were not married at the time of the birth of the child (including those who are in a relationship with the child’s father, but they are not officially registered) and those who divorced or survived the death of a spouse.
In other countries, children are increasingly being born out of wedlock for other reasons. For example, in the USA, this is largely due to economics and inequality: most young mothers who have not received a university education, have children without a husband, and college graduates do it after the wedding. The reason is that many young couples cannot afford a wedding and do not feel financially stable enough for family life - but they are not ready to sacrifice parenthood, because it is important for them.
The only element of the marriage, which would seem to remain indestructible in the future, is the legal protection of partners. It is the basis of state registration: relations, like life itself, are unpredictable and each of the parties needs protection in case of unforeseen circumstances. True, financial issues can be resolved with the help of documents, without registering relationships, and the marriage contract, will, alimony agreement and other documents that will help resolve disputes are sometimes required in marriage.
The situation when legal support seems to be an important reason for getting married is homosexual relations. While heterosexual couples are increasingly saying that they do not need a stamp in their passport, homosexuals require the ability to officially register the relationship - and get all those rights that rely on heterosexual couples in marriage. Marriage helps gay couples to become a family in the face of the law and get relying rights and opportunities: for example, to be considered parents of a common child on equal terms, to come to a partner’s hospital, not to testify against him in court, to have the right to inheritance and social bonuses like health insurance for family members.
From this point of view, the institution of marriage is unlikely to disappear in the near future, even if the partners have all possible ways to resolve legal issues without registering an alliance: before completely abandoning anything because it is “out of date”, everyone should be given equal access .
The institution of marriage is unlikely to disappear in the near future; before completely discarding anything, because it is “out of date”, it is necessary to give everyone equal access
Nevertheless, modern couples invest a different meaning in marriage - and this cannot but reflect on its essence and its future. Some believe that the essence of modern marriage is that it gives social status and shows how successful a person is in his personal life. Researchers Katherine Edin and Maria Kefalas, who studied relationships in poor areas of Philadelphia, concluded that "marriage is a form of social boasting, a way to symbolically show how good relationships are in a couple, how much better they are than other relationships in the same community - especially if they marry rarely in it. "
Today, one of the main (or at least one of the main socially approved) reasons for entering into marriage is considered romantic love - the very “quality” of relationships that allows you to say that it is for life. At the same time, the growing number of divorces shows how unstable such a structure is: unlike the “traditional” marriage, which was the only way for a woman to get at least some social and financial guarantees, now each partner has the right to end the relationship at any time and not become victim of conviction.
Perhaps the future of marriage lies precisely in this: to recognize that we are not necessarily talking about two heterosexual partners and their common children. It is likely that the marriage will not last forever, but will last only a few years. For many, wedding is just one of the elements of life, not the main goal, but for someone registration doesn’t matter at all - and this is also important to consider. The future of marriage is in accepting diversity: sexuality, gender identity, relationship to childbirth and the need to officially register relationships, in caring for all participants and their children, regardless of whether the couple has registered a relationship or has already terminated the marriage.
Photo: Wedding Collectibles, mcmi - stock.adobe.com
