“There is no more desire to communicate”: People about how debts changed their relationship
"Do not have a hundred rubles, and have a hundred friends", - teaches us folklore. On the one hand, if you ask all your friends for a small amount, then, probably, you can really solve many problems. On the other hand, monetary difficulties often affect communication: some forget what they borrowed, while others are embarrassed to remind you that it is time to return the money. We talked with several people about how a request to give in debt reflected in the end on relationships and friendship.
One colleague decided to resign and told other employees that he immediately needed about fifty thousand rubles to solve problems. He was given money by several people, including me. I - about fifteen thousand, the other woman most of all - about twenty. Then he borrowed from her again, in total, it turns out, she lent him fifty thousand.
Until the moment I lent him money, it seemed to me that he was an ordinary guy, a good worker. We were acquainted for about four years, sometimes we drank beer together, everything was fine. He promised to return the money in three days. But after he took them and quit, he changed the phone and stopped communicating with us altogether, and then a year later wrote us a letter saying: "Don't remember me dashing, they will bring you money by courier ..." Then another year passed. The husband even asked several times whether it was necessary to intervene in the situation.
The amount for me is small, but the feeling is still very unpleasant. I realized that I didn’t want to communicate with him in the future and see any reminders about him, so I removed him from my friends in social networks. After some time I heard that he was once again trying to borrow money to make his bar. Now he really did it - and I came to the discovery, just to see this person in the face. He very nicely communicated and pretended that there was no situation, he invited me to come in again. It seems that he believes that this is not a debt that needs to be returned, but help - as if I helped him to move things from one apartment to another.
I had a girlfriend at work. We sat in the same office for several years, made friends very much, went to rest together, often spent our free time together. Sometimes borrowed from each other three to five thousand before the salary. Two years ago I decided to quit: I received a more interesting and monetary offer. When I was fired, I was paid, in fact, two salaries: for the last month and for several weeks of unused leave. A friend asked for a loan of ten thousand with the words: "You have it now, but I do not have it, and the salary is only in two weeks." I lent it.
My business went uphill, the new job was paid stably, and besides, I was constantly freelancing. Over the next two to three months, a friend asked for a couple more times in debt. I borrowed again: I didn’t need the money at that moment, and besides this was my closest friend asking for help. But a year later, I started having difficulties with finances, and I reminded her of my debt — I offered to choose a return date, a friend agreed with her. By this date, I more or less solved the problems and did not ask about that amount (and it was accumulated decent, something like renting a one-room apartment).
A couple of months later I reminded myself that my friend replied that she herself was now very difficult. By this moment we began to communicate less. I do not know whether this is due to debt or simply we went in different directions - according to my feelings, rather the second. When we finally met and I asked about the money, a friend began to resent that I put pressure on her and behaved ugly, because, in her opinion, I gave her money indefinitely, and now "I demand them." Honestly, I left this meeting shocked. There is no more desire to communicate. Since then, I have decided that I am ready to lend no more than five thousand rubles, so that later there are no such situations.
I lent money to a relative of the girl I was dating at that moment. He was a respected businessman, a reliable man who was in trouble, and he was thrown out of business. He asked me to help. I was then quite a few years old, and here I was approached by an adult man. I thought that a good man could be helped, and I lent him a few thousand dollars. It was in 2004, probably. Then things went even worse for him; he never returned anything to me. I reminded him several times about this situation, he replied: "Yes, yes, I remember everything, but, unfortunately, there is no way to return." Then I broke up with that girl and a couple of years reminded him of myself, but it was useless. As far as I know, with the money he really was all bad.
Another time, my good friend was in a very difficult situation: his brother went to prison. It was very difficult: he sold shares in two companies, an apartment and borrowed from me an amount equal to approximately the cost of another apartment. A friend gave me back a small part of the debt, but that was all. He now works as an employee. The last time I saw him, probably about six months ago, asked if he planned to repay. He replied that if he was given the opportunity to work, he would return as best he could.
A couple of times I borrowed small (compared to those) amounts and faced a strange reaction: for some reason, people, instead of returning money or somehow humanly explaining themselves, arranged public quarrels or scandals to stop communicating with you and thus disclaim obligations.
I have a good friend, perhaps he can even be called the best. We have been friends for many years, we have experienced a lot together. A few years ago I broke up with a girl, lost my job, felt sad, sat at home, played the guitar and drank a lot. A friend tried to support me. That month, when the money was completely gone, he paid for me at the bar several times with the words: "Don't worry, everything's fine." I was very grateful to him.
What was my surprise when, after six months, he wrote me something like: "Do you remember, I paid for you several times? I thought it turned out five thousand three hundred rubles, transfer to Sber, please." By that time I had money, I immediately translated everything - I just did not understand that he believed that I owed them to him. We continued to be friends, but I no longer enter into any monetary relations with him: if we, for example, go to barbecues, I will now pronounce what many people donate.
Last summer, a friend asked him to help out - take a few photos for the interview, which was published in the publication where he works as an editor. Their photographer fell ill and was unable to come to the shooting. I agreed. Everyone liked the photos, and a friend asked if I would mind if they would sometimes order me to shoot. Of course, I was only for. He offered a very modest fee, but in this situation the amount was not important. We had two or three shots a month. First, he regularly paid, and six months later he asked to wait two weeks for payment, then a month, then he said that they had no money, and disappeared. Before that, we often met in a common company: we were not very close friends, but we went to each other for birthdays and guests. On social networks, I knew that he was doing well, that nothing serious had happened, but for some reason he stopped being in the general company.
When I became seriously ill, I wrote to him and asked about the money. He replied that they were still not there. This was repeated several times. A couple of months after the next correspondence on this topic, I decided to call him, said that I do not really understand how it happened and why he always answers the same thing to me. A friend said that he had enough of his own problems (it’s not very clear why he had problems if he paid me a copy, even though we didn’t enter into a contract). Money sent in two days. Since then, we have not seen each other in person. I am sorry that we do not communicate, it was interesting.
It was 2011. It all started simply: I met a girl "VKontakte", we agreed on the basis of hockey. We talked for about two or three months, she told me that she lived in Moscow, very cool, and so on. Then she wrote to me very sharply that she needed money: my sister had an accident. I asked for twelve thousand, for me then it was a lot of money, I borrowed eight thousand from a friend and added another four thousand from my savings. Sent to her. She wrote that she was about to send back, but she was hindered all the time: Western Union could not, she was mistaken in my last name. I wrote to her sister, asked if everything was fine — she didn’t understand me, and then from my acquaintance, threats and questions fell down why I was doing this.
So I was left without money - I realized that I should not wait for them. I was very ashamed of my girlfriend, I didn’t say anything to my parents. She began to collect for the return of the debt: first returned part, then for a long time could not accumulate the rest. A friend of this whole period did not require me to return the money, but the relationship completely disappeared. I was very ashamed that I could not give everything at once. When I returned the rest, it immediately became easier - in front of myself. I do not think that the money question has affected the relationship, but now I avoid debts - to take and give. Somehow I do not want to get involved with this.
A couple of years ago, I decided to take a massage course. Friends advised a good master, and without thinking twice, I wrote to her and set a date. The course cost twenty thousand rubles, I made an advance payment in half the amount, and we started, agreeing that the rest of the money I will pay in installments. At some point, everything did not go according to plan: either I forgot to bring money, or she did not have a change, and we moved the payment to "sometime later."
Unfortunately, I did not succeed in completing the course due to shifts in the work schedule, and I owed the girl four or six thousand rubles. I remembered this very soon, a couple of months after the massage. The master, apparently, had completely forgotten or was too polite to remind me. And then I fell into the trap - for some reason it was difficult for me to write to her: “Oh, I think I owe you money,” but my conscience did not allow me to score on the situation.
So I lived until I saw a Facebook post that her family needed financial help and she had to ask her friends. I translated several thousand to her. Unfortunately, family problems did not end there - money was needed again, and more than once. Every time I tried to help and at some point I closed my debt.
With the girl from whom I borrowed money, we were not friends, but we worked together. Once we went to dinner in the dining room - it seems that they only received cash there, she paid me about fifty shekels. If you translate not at the rate, but in proportion to Moscow salaries and prices, it is about five hundred rubles. The next day I took the money, gave it to her. A week later, she suddenly says: "Oh, and remember, I lent you money, return, please, otherwise I go to dinner." This, apparently, is my problem, because I did not want a conflict and said that I actually gave the money a few days ago. She replied: "No, you did not give." The amount, of course, is small and it is not worth the quarrel, it’s strange to balk - I decided not to argue and just gave her the money again. We continued to communicate as colleagues, but I decided that I would definitely not borrow from her anymore.
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