Faster, higher, weaker: Why perfectionism hinders development
Masha Vorslav
The working title of this text quite clearly reflected its essence: "Why is perfectionism an evil ****** (fucking)." I formulated it after the thematic discussion in a closed online psychological support group. It seems then, for the first time, I negatively characterized perfectionism, although I had considered him almost the main labor virtue for a long time, like many others.
"I am a perfectionist" are more often pronounced with pride, and much less often with the dissatisfaction that accompanies it.
Frankly, most often when confronted with new phenomena, I climb into Wikipedia to figure out at the beginning of an article whether I need this knowledge at all or not. So, perfectionism encyclopedia says the following: "Personality trait, which is characterized by the fact that a person strives to do everything flawlessly and sets excessively high standards for himself, while assessing himself too strictly and worrying about the evaluation of others." This definition does not answer the question of whether perfectionism is definitely good or unequivocally bad, but the definition is not to blame: psychology does not have a single answer to this question.
The book "Psychopath-test" by John Ronson says that the lists of psychiatric diagnoses DSM, which are recommended to be guided by doctors, contain such vague criteria for any disorder that any person will be able to find with a dozen deviations during self-diagnosis. About perfectionism is about the same story: its pain and injuriousness can be judged only by the concentration in which it is characteristic of man and how much it affects his functioning. In other words, there is perfectionism healthy, and there is unhealthy.
Everything is more or less clear with unhealthy perfectionism: it can either bring to a neurotic or other mental disorder, is either its symptom, or can take a more complex form and combine both of these processes. This is objectively bad perfectionism, and society agrees.
But often we use the concept of perfectionism when we want to characterize a hardworking, diligent person, striving for development. It is not difficult to understand why at the same time perfectionism is considered a virtue, and it is rather honorable to confess in it. "I am a perfectionist" is usually pronounced with pride, and much less often with a secret feeling of dissatisfaction that inevitably accompanies it. Language not only reflects, but also forms reality, and the failure to understand the essence of the problem often leads to the perfectionist's behavior being taken as a worthy positive example. As a result, the habit of constantly finding deficiencies in oneself and one’s work is considered necessary for personal and professional development.
The development provoked by guilt, firstly, is worse, and secondly, does not make us happier
Perfectionism can really serve as a very effective tool to get yourself moving forward. But its mechanisms themselves are toxic: a perfectionist, to put it simply, constantly imagines himself and makes him feel stressed. For a person with an unstable psyche, this may serve as a favorable condition for the development of a disease. Do not lower and somatic: stress affects the body in at least twenty ways, including heartburn and increases blood pressure. For those who have stronger nerves, constant stress is also not at the cash desk: as the psychotherapist Anastasia Rubtsova recently clearly explained, the development provoked by guilt feelings, first, is worse, and secondly, does not make us happier.
My personal claim to perfectionism is that it is very difficult to keep him in check, and the price of the success achieved with his help is unreasonably high. To develop, you should not devalue your experience and you should not be afraid to call your work good: almost every booklet of the psychological center speaks about the importance of a positive self-image and its impact on productivity.
Constructive self-criticism does not negate this, so the ability to analyze the results of labor and compare yourself only with oneself yesterday, and not with an unrealizable ideal is enough for the most ambitious person. The beautiful film "Jiro's Dreams of Sushi" convincingly shows: 85-year-old Jiro makes sushi his whole life, and his sushi, as you might guess, is the best in the world. What does not prevent Jiro from improving himself day by day: instead of the formula “never enough”, he uses healthy “enough for today”. About the importance of this approach and the need to accept yourself the way you are without intensive "refinement" to perfection, says the author of the book "Gifts of Imperfection" Brene Brown. She deeply researches vulnerability and finds the rationale for perfectionism precisely in her unwillingness to recognize her - and any psychotherapist will tell you about the need for this to be normal.
In addition, the famous theory of ten thousand hours says that if you don’t lie on the couch all day long, and stupidly — that is, regularly and consistently, without relying on inspiration — you work, success will come. Agree, it is better to develop in an emotionally comfortable environment and remember that any work and the quality of the assignment does not determine your value, a failed exam will not make your loved ones stop loving you and that it is better to do at least something than nothing. And if you are sure that any accomplishment is incomplete without overcoming and suffering, and the artist must be unhappy, then Nabokov, for example, denied it with his whole life. So why not believe him.
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