"My patience has come to an end": How I stopped bulling in my son's class

The problem of bullying in schools is acute, including because adults — teachers and parents (both aggressors and victims of bullying) — still prefer to close their eyes to it. But this does not mean that vicious practice does not need to be fought or that this struggle cannot be successful. Natalia Tsymbalenko, a Moscow government employee, tells how she managed to stop the persecution at the school where her son is studying.

Steep and Uncool

My son Peter after elementary school entered the gymnasium. In its class, the backbone of the so-called "steep", which began to cling to the "uncool", quickly formed. The number of "uncool" hit and Peter. He brought to school a lego and clay - "fu, uncool". You leave from conflicts, you are afraid of fights and loud showdowns - it means "uncool". Now, having studied many books on the topic of bullying, I know that the reason for harassment can be absolutely anything: removing the alleged cause of harassment, the bulling cannot be stopped.

After I hired the son of a personal trainer in fencing, sword fighting and hand-to-hand combat, the fear of conflict was gone from him: Peter is no longer afraid to fight, and he can. They are a little behind him - but there is no other "uncool". Personal belongings were taken from them (textbooks, portfolios were hidden — this is considered not to be a robbery, but a joke); they put urine bottles in their portfolios. With them, pants, in this form were photographed, and the photos were posted on the Internet. Moreover, last fall, his best friend Misha, with whom he became friends on the grounds of "lack of toughness", "cool" classmates, "was bred for money" twice: they promised to buy vape (because if you want to be cool, you should smoke vape!) And not bought it. Misha's mother, who was trying to intervene in the situation, was "cool" and simply rude and told that her son was "hydrocephalic."

The reaction of teachers and parents

When Petya and several of the same boys went to the class teacher for help, she did not intervene. At the most, she talked about "let's live together", and in conversations with her parents she argued that "children do not like snitches," "you need to temper your character," "be able to find an approach to your comrades."

Parents of the ringleaders all as one shouted in the parental chat that their children are “saints”, they are being told wrongly, and in general “you yourself have provoked”. The mom of the student who took the money for the vape responded even more beautifully, telling Misha's mother the following: "Explain to me how you allowed your son to beat my vape to buy?"

I listened to the class teacher and parents for a long time, that "the children themselves must understand." But after one of my son's classmates on his page posted a photo toad on Peter, mocking the fact that his son began to “swing,” my patience came to an end.

"You will not prove it!"

I met and wrote to parents of students who were hounded in the classroom. Someone was afraid to intervene, someone just wanted to transfer a child from school. As a result, only three mothers (including me) decided to write statements and understand the situation with the class. I collected the facts, removed the emotions, remembered the good old bureaucracy and sat down to write a statement.

I collected concrete evidence: the correspondence of participants in the history with the vape and the classmate's account, where it was obvious that he was not only in the groups that trade in vaps, but he also sells them; photo toads for Petya and screenshots of the account where these photos were posted.

Then I asked the class teacher to meet with the school principal and the parents of the students who are persecuting classmates. The classroom went into hysterics, began to write in the parent chat, which does not cope with the leadership and refuses the class. The parents of the "holy children" began to be outraged in the same place and demand to lynch me for bringing the cool one.

They did not appoint a meeting with the director - the leader claimed that she was very busy, but called a psychologist and a social worker. My husband and two other mothers came to the meeting, being sure that this was only for pro forma. The keynote of the meeting, at which the parents of the "tough ones" shouted at me, grabbed my things from the table and became personal, became the phrase "You cannot prove it!". Then I gave the application to the social worker and said that I would demand a formal investigation.

School representatives made round eyes and said: “What a nightmare, what didn’t you say before that what was happening in the classroom?” And then said the sacramental: "You can not prove!" I advised them to save this phrase for the prosecutor’s office, which, according to my application, will come to check why the school is inactive when people trade in vape in its walls. School representatives said they would report to the director about the situation.

I called the school’s director’s telephone number listed on the site and found out that she didn’t know about the meeting with her parents or about the situation in the class. I foresaw this, so I said that I would bring a statement. I sent this wonderful piece of work on twenty pages by e-mail to the school’s address, to the address of the chairperson of the school’s governing board, and at the same time referred it to the council of my district and to the commission on juvenile affairs, which the head of the council also heads.

I firmly decided to go to the end: even if we later decide to leave school, we will leave, having previously “distributed to all the sisters in earrings,” and not with a cultivated sense of guilt. All this we spoke with our son - he did not want to leave school because of Misha.

Stop bulling

As a result, the school turned on and began to understand the situation. The class held a meeting with the Inspector of Juvenile Affairs, separately talked with the parents of students, which I indicated in a collective (this is important) statement. The money for the vape was eventually returned, an apology was brought. Pupil trading vapami, put on the account. They said about photojabs: “We didn’t know that you were offended, we didn’t know what they were going to court for.”

Nobody expected that I would not participate in "parental battles" and finding out whose son should "wash better - maybe then they will be friends with him" and go on an excellent bureaucratic way of letters and complaints. Everybody instantly learned the culture - they pull down those who want to draw fotozhaby. Bulling in my son's class stopped. How long - we'll see.

We discussed everything with the boys. At first they were very scared. Especially since the “tough” aggression even intensified after our meeting with parents. The "cool" discussed how to meet the guys after school, showed Misha notes "1000 rubles, or your dog will die." But we decided not to miss the classes. I called at every change, my husband took Petya from school. And I also promised to hire them a bodyguard, if the threats become at least a little like reality. But the more active the school developed, the more the class understood that all this was serious. And calmed down.

Bulling does not depend on the status of the school. Still, the gymnasium in which my son is studying is in good standing. My colleagues have problems of social stratification even in elite schools: a child of very rich parents (goes to school with a bodyguard) is bullied by the whole class of children of just rich parents.

And not a single harassment will end until adults intervene. Until the poisoners learn the responsibility. My main message was: “I haven’t come to school for all these three years - make sure that I don’t come again”.

Cover:Natalya Tsymbalenko / Facebook