What do women teach in sex training?
Olga Strakhovskaya
I sit at my desk and finish writing the tenth page of the abstract; the last ray of sun gilds the foliage in Sokolnichesky Park, and at this time in Krasnopresnensky, The Village team makes a victorious selfie. A nice tanned man in tight jeans says: "It lasted two and a half hours, three folded bath towels, a mattress and a carpet on the floor got wet under it." Thirty women (including me) listen to him, opening his mouth, in my stomach the liver tries to lie down in a gravy from the cafeteria downstairs. The eighth hour of Alex May’s Intimate Side of Relationships is on, and he has just reached the fourth out of 11 types of orgasm, which we will learn about today. I raise my hand and the trainer frowns. I speak here in the role of pain in the ass and damage the picture: I correct that learned helplessness is correctly translated into Russian as "acquired helplessness", and ask uncomfortable questions ("Why do you cite the behavioral patterns of cave people as an example? Do you deny the influence of civilization?" ). Honestly, I behave like a nasty little troll and a fly in the ointment of Jack. I just sketched Skin glands in my notebook, which are responsible for jet orgasm (most of them have, and yes, it seems we can teach squirting, but at a separate training), and on the previous page I wrote “A woman by nature got a monkey's brain, into which she invested soul. " Questions, frankly, there are.
About Alex May, "a leading international expert in sex and relationships from the Netherlands", almost does not google anything: he says that he graduated from the Faculty of Social Psychology at the University of Amsterdam, but his website does not contain an indication of a scientific degree or links to academic publications. The site does not have an English version either, but it seems that it does not stop anyone - it is not the first time that he has conducted a series of lectures in Moscow. With such a name and appearance, a biography of a porn star would suit him - most likely it is wishful thinking, but it would be beautiful, especially since he confidently speaks about the state of the industry, the victory of two-minute formats and webcams and restrainedly laments the decline of AVN party. But, really, imagine how many women would come to the training of the conditional "actor / director / cameraman / producer of films for adults"? Approximately zero. Meanwhile, the hall is almost sold out. All from 30 and up: these are beautiful and self-confident women who are willing to spend 18 thousand rubles for two days off locked up instead of a pair of shoes; most are in a relationship and, obviously, would like to improve their intimate side. They were not embarrassed by the apparent lack of scientific merit in a person who for 16 hours will correct their picture of the world - it is surprising, until you think about how rarely parents, teachers and partners discussed sex with many of us. All the more frankly, informed and ironic. It must be worth it. Well, have you seen what sexologist Alexander Poleev looks like?
Sex, however, only comes to the end of the first day, and everything begins with a technical hitch: to fill the pause, the coach sets a playlist from Faithless. I am writing to my friend Misha: "Nothing has started yet, not Enuff Love is playing." Maxi Jazz grimly reads out the socially charged text, which was sampled by Steve Rowland melancholically sings along: "Do you want to go?" Misha sends me a crying sticker. Training finally begins - and immediately with a disclaimer: a symmetrical course for men is called "Sex Mastery", because men are allergic to the word "relationship".
The form of the member due to the fact that he needs to rake the sperm of competitors and run his
By the end of the day, it starts with me too - in 8 hours porridge from pop psychology and anthropology collapses on us: the cycle of love lasts half a year and a half 200,000 years ago, never throw a whole bone of this dog, regular scandals are worse than regular blow job. Women, who are called “girls,” have a rich but unbalanced inner world, and men, who are called “men,” have no idea of their own, since all their emotions are separated from their rationality. Here it is called "driving the thoughts under the steel plate." The steel plate of the peasant is just below the neck. All this is flavored with Wikipedia and basic NLP: "Close your eyes, understand that your subconscious is your friend and repeat: tomorrow evening I will leave a happy woman out of here."
Add to this a light whiff of new-age, a lot of jokes and anecdotes from personal experience: life goes about the Dutch wife and her mother, as well as chauvinistic generalizations about the Dutch women in general (in short, they look like men, but such they were made by a western society, condemning a woman in heels). And of course, bold theories: "The form of a member is due to the fact that he needs to rake the sperm of competitors and run his own." Thanks to the 3G point, I find out that this conclusion was made in 2003 by a group of researchers at New York University headed by Professor Gordon Gallup. The trainer complains that progress in the group is going slowly and reproaching a cynical and mistrustful city for it: “No, it’s not your fault that you ask. It’s just Moscow who speaks through you.” I’m not the only one who questions our today's source of information (according to May’s classification, we are called "debaters"): from the back of the desk a beautiful girl in a black dress shirt is interested in what the calculations about the innate polygamous women are based on, if a laboratory experiment with rat miscarriage (crying sticker) proves the opposite.
During the break, a small circle discusses the children, another, slightly smaller - the director's version of "Nymphomaniac." I accidentally wander into the men's room and stumble upon a trainer peeling a banana. This, fortunately, is not a euphemism, so I tell him something like "sometimes a banana is just a banana." But it seems that our relationship can not be saved.
In porridge, however, there are enough mind grains, although they are as simple as possible: as they say in the TV series "True Detective", the atom is not split in this church. For example, remember that you say too many words: any conversation with a peasant about relationships longer than two sentences is perceived as clarifying them. Put yourself an application about ICP and there will not be several ends of the world. Pop culture programs us to fail by combining the archetypes of alpha and beta males in the Disney Prince, and the cinema teaches that the male gender carries pain, destruction, aggression and death. A Vogue cover appears on the screen and I make a rack. Yes, we are implanted with the wrong standards: this bitch face sells well, but terrifies the man. Make your face simpler, find out about his relationship with your mother, never discuss anything in bed with him, and if you want to try rimming, unobtrusively ask for his opinion while washing dishes. But the main thing - open in yourself a crappy girl, be a "whore for him and a lady for everyone else": then you will give him "awesome sex", you will positively print in his emotional memory and he will never leave you. I begin to mentally utter too many words: the gender conflict imposed on us seems to designate, but then it is reinforced by "girls" and "men", sexual emancipation is welcome, but his goal is to conquer and retain this man. It seems a little more and they will directly tell us that sex is a loose change in the relationship between the sexes. Fortunately, by this time we reach 11 types of female orgasm.
None of us for some reason do not watch porn for educational purposes.
The whole second day is devoted to the practice of the example of slides and videos that should shock and teach the awesome sex, and here as with a prelude: yesterday's day was a kind of unforgettable, but let's not prevaricate and recognize why we are here. Examples turn out to be spectacular, but it would seem obvious by handjob and blowjob technicians, who are not so difficult to come up with on their own - for this you need a sincere interest in the process, a couple of conversations with a partner and a minimum of pornography. The secret is that for some reason none of us watch porn for educational purposes, and conversations with a partner often go beyond two sentences (see above). Here, clear, correct and not vulgar explanations are attached to the slides and videos, which convince you that everything is alright with you, even if you have so far collapsed. And it seems that this is exactly what distinguishes good sex training from dubious personal growth.
All the sexism of the first day had disappeared somewhere along with the coach’s ironed shirt (or I have Stockholm syndrome): today he is in sports, he does not frown, jokes at ease and in general looks like a great guy, who knows his business perfectly. My favorite bike from New Hollywood about how Jack Nicholson was sprinkling cocaine on a cake is getting the cherry on the cake - the bad person won't know such things. In addition, the best life hack of the day was written in my notebook - instead of pharmaceutical lubricants, you should use Monini grape oil, and to wash it off the sheets, add a little Fairy. In addition, it seems nothing new, and I immerse myself in the exchange of stickers, but then someone asks what a bridle is. By this moment, the audience’s unity is complete: the shame is dropped, the chains have fallen off, any questions have ceased to be inconvenient, everyone jumped up from their seats and removed the “deep throat” on video. Even me and the photographer Nikitina, mildly nicknamed as marginals for isolation from the team, before dinner volunteered to show each other a passionate kiss on the neck. Our coach looks pleased, like a man, finally pumping the girl up to the eleventh level. I admire the subtlety of the marketing strategy: yes, they come here on the request "to revive the relationship", but they leave with a set of valuable knowledge about their own body and sex skills. As for the 11 types of orgasm - let your partner sweat over this at the men's workshop. As the coach says, makes sense? Oh yeah.
Photo: Alina Nikitina