"This is a sect": How I was a HIV-dissident and quit treatment
We have repeatedly talked about mass anti-scientific movements. - homeopathy, anti-vaccination movement and HIV dissidence. It seems that a modern person would not think of abandoning treatment with proven effectiveness that can save lives - and yet the news every now and again reports the death of children whose parents did not consciously treat them. We talked with Vadim K. about how a person with HIV infection lives, what treatment is and why it is so easy to get into the network of HIV-dissidents.
Vadim K.
37 years old, Minsk
- From 1997 to 2012, I used drugs. At first I went to the university, somehow participated in ordinary life, but then I became a typical drug addict - I did not have other interests besides drugs. I woke up, looked for a dose, used it, looked for the next one. In 2001, I went to the hospital with jaundice - first they said that it was hepatitis A, then it turned out that I also had an infection with the hepatitis C virus. Then I was tested for HIV, and the result was positive. I was called and asked to retake blood to confirm the result.
I did not even have this phase of denial - well, maybe, on the first day, I still had time to think that the doctors were wrong. And then, somehow, intuitively, I knew that I would be one of the few HIV-positive people in our city - then I lived in a town with a population of about one hundred thousand, and according to official data, there were ten people in HIV. And so it happened, the result was confirmed. I most likely became infected when I shared a syringe with someone who later also found HIV. There was one case of unprotected sex with a girl who later turned out to be HIV-positive, that is, there was also a small chance of sexual transmission - but still, most likely, it happened through blood.
Perhaps it gives madness - but when you use drugs, I do not really want to live. I did not have shock or tears - there was even joy that I would die in some time. Anyway, my attention was devoted to another - how to get it, how to use it. This is a tunnel thinking typical of drug addicts. At the same time, I was afraid that others would learn about the infection. I told only mom and dad - and I am very grateful to them. For their part, there was no disgust, such as individual towels, and my father told me not to worry, because there is a cure. My parents talked to the doctors, and they put me on record in Minsk, and not in a small town, so that rumors would not go. After that, they forgot about me safely, but I didn’t remind me - I didn’t go to tests every six months and did nothing for my health at all.
For several years, the diagnosis seemed to be forgotten. None of my fear fed, did not force to be treated. Again, I was in a drug-altered mind most of the time. In 2007, a miracle happened - I almost did not use drugs, although I drank a lot, and even lived a year with a girl. My health began to deteriorate sharply: a terrible weakness was constantly, immediately after awakening. Any wounds, scratches, bruises did not pass for a month and a half, the blood did not stop. In a dream I could lie down my hand in such a way that a bruise appeared on it, which later also did not pass for a very long time. Then I got scared, stopped being afraid of publicity, went to an infectious disease doctor and honestly told everything.
I was sent for examination - it turned out that there are about 180 cells in the blood and a high viral load, I won’t say the exact numbers, I don’t remember that time well (viral load and CD4 + lymphocyte number are two parameters that determine the condition of a patient with HIV infection and therapy effectiveness - Note ed.).
I was prescribed therapy, and I began to take it. There were no side effects - perhaps alcohol and drugs dull them, but after about a month I felt better, scratches began to heal normally, and weakness disappeared. I did not hear about HIV-dissidents back then - I didn’t really know anything about HIV itself, I thought that after an infection in five years they died, and was amazed that I felt so much better.
In 2012, I went to a rehabilitation center and quit drugs. Even before that, I stumbled upon a video somewhere about the fact that HIV does not exist, it seems that it was the film “House of Numbers” or something else. I did not give him much attention, but something was deposited in my memory. I remember well that on March 20, 2012, I last took psychoactive substances - just recently I had five years of sobriety. Approximately six months later, in the fall, while continuing to take antiretroviral therapy, I again came across information that HIV is a fiction. Then I joined one of the HIV-dissident groups "VKontakte", started talking to people, telling my story. They explained to me that it was just bad because of the drugs, they persuaded me that the drugs would kill me, they cited some doctor’s opinion and documentaries as arguments, and they convinced me.
I myself do not understand why for no reason I believed them - because the drugs helped. Apparently, in part, because they write a lot about the dangers of drugs - although I knew that they were not harmless (like any others), but they convinced me that these drugs would simply destroy me. In HIV-dissident groups, the sect principle is used - you don’t think about anything else, you start living with it, and even teach others, you meet and bless newcomers. It is as if you are in a fraternity, together with people who know something special that others do not know. All this is presented as a spiritual development. You are encouraged, they say: "You are well done, you are ready to take an important step - to quit therapy." As a result, in December 2012, I made the decision to quit treatment - and the “associates” congratulated me on a new life.
As taught in the group, I did not say anything to the doctor, and when I received the next pack of pills, I just threw them away. About a month later, all the symptoms that were before treatment returned - weakness, bruises, bleeding - but in the group they told me that this organism was cleansed of the poison of the drugs. Three months later, it was time to do tests - and I walked with the confidence that everything would be fine, I just make sure that there is no HIV. The reality turned out to be much sadder - the viral load has sharply increased, and the number of lymphocytes has fallen. The doctor didn’t even ask me if I was taking the medicine — he simply said: “It’s your personal business to be treated or not, but in my practice everyone who refuses therapy is dying.”
My happiness, that my period of HIV-dissidence lasted only a few months, and common sense won out: I started taking therapy again. I was lucky that I did not develop resistance (over time, mutations of resistance, that is, resistance to therapy, and drugs must be changed in viral RNA) - Approx. Ed.),and I have, for ten years now, been receiving the same regimen of therapy. In general, I started treatment again, and after a couple of weeks everything improved. At the same time, I even felt some shame in front of my brotherhood of HIV-dissidents, but I nevertheless wrote about the treatment in the group - and was met with insults and accusations. They called me a traitor, said that I get money for advertising drugs, and in the end they were simply banned.
After that, I began to somehow see more realistically what was happening in these groups, I remembered that during these few months many disappeared - some began to be treated and were blocked, others were not treated and died. After some time, the former administrator of this group, with whom I sometimes continued to communicate on Skype, told me that he began to feel bad, turned to the AIDS center and began treatment - he was also banned. Moreover, in these groups they destroy the posts of former dissidents, that is, they deny our existence in general.
This is an enclosed space where all unwanted information is cleared, including reports of the death of children. Of course, doctors there also devalue - they repeat that every doctor knows that HIV does not exist, but continues to kill its patients with medicines.
I entered into a counter-fight, registered in the group "HIV is not a myth" and others. Unfortunately, there are extremes everywhere - and in the end I decided to stand aside. I do not like to prove anything and convince others. Sometimes people write to me directly asking for help, talk - then I tell them my story. Some change their point of view, begin therapy, then write to me about it - I am very happy if someone made the right choice. Many are ashamed that they were wrong, they are very worried because of this, but I think the main thing is that in the end. If a person chooses therapy, even belatedly, this is good.
My treatment now is one tablet per day, it contains three active ingredients. The drug is always with you, because it is desirable to drink it at the same time - but there are no difficulties with this. I can safely fly on vacation, taking with me the right number of pills. There are no side effects - I think, and I was lucky with the treatment regimen, and the HIV dissidents telling about them exaggerate greatly. I have also cured the infection with the hepatitis C virus. Sometimes I get sick, like ordinary people - I catch a cold a couple of times a year. I try to do prevention - nothing special, just, for example, I dress warmly, I follow personal hygiene.
I remember that I am responsible for the health of other people - for example, I keep my nail scissors in a separate box so that my wife does not accidentally use them. Condoms are by default. I told my future wife about my status on the first date. Then she said she was surprised with honesty and with the fact that I was smiling, I was happy with life with such a diagnosis - she wanted even more to recognize me. Now the viral load is not determined, and it is very difficult to get infected with me, but still it is better to protect myself. I would like to have children, but the last word, of course, should be for my wife - she risks getting infected, and I have no moral right to insist.
The social circle has changed, but this is due not to HIV infection, but to drugs. Back in 2007, when I discovered the status of my then-company, no one turned away from me. In the present sober life, too, there was no such thing that someone stopped communicating with me. He does not know about my status, for example, mother-in-law - but he knows his wife’s son from his first marriage. No matter where I worked, there were no problems. For example, until this winter I was a consultant in a rehabilitation center, I went through a full medical examination - but there were no restrictions, because the work did not include contact with blood. On the part of the doctors, too, there has never been any condemnation or disgust — either I was lucky or others exaggerated.
I think bias and fears are from lack of awareness. The clinics still hang posters of the late eighties that HIV is the plague of the twentieth century, and in fact it has long been a disease with which you can live long and productively. Of course, the truthful information should be as accessible and understandable as possible. Maybe someone wants to take a more convenient side for themselves and pretend that the virus does not exist - but this is an illusion. And if an adult has the right to decide for himself whether he is to be treated or not, then I think it is necessary to introduce criminal liability for refusing to treat children.
Images: lesichkadesign - stock.adobe.com, kaidash - stock.adobe.com (1, 2)
