Starting position: What to expect during pregnancy
There are no universal tips for pregnant women, and you cannot fully prepare for this state, but you can try. We asked Daria Utkina, co-founder of Très bébé preparatory courses for childbirth, to talk with acquaintances who gave birth to girls and find out what they were most worried about and surprised about their pregnancy and how they coped with it.
Daria Utkina psychologist, mentor Birthing from Within®, co-founder of Très bébé
One young mother recently wrote to us: "From what I would like to know before giving birth, I could only advise your readers not to give birth at all, because there is nothing good in motherhood. And only the global demographic conspiracy prohibits talking openly about this."
Many women attend such thoughts during pregnancy and after childbirth. And I'm not even about the fact that in nine months a woman can turn into a nasty fat aunt with a dirty head and perpetual menopause. Not at all. On the contrary, pregnancy hormones make skin radiant, cheeks rosy, and hair - thick and shiny. Plus, a beautiful breast grows, and an orgasm easily occurs even in a dream (about 20% of pregnant women see more erotic dreams than usual).
Katya, 30 years old illustrator, mother of two daughters
In the second pregnancy, I did not expect that you can feel so attractive and sexy. I didn't have to cope with this much!
It is just that motherhood in itself is not so much about body changes, as it is an amazing and unique experience that cannot be forgotten. For which you can not prepare for 100%. And with which then somehow you need to live. This is initiation: the transition from one state to another.
Julia, 33 years old art director, mom son
What I didn’t expect was the fact that I’ll change forever. The child is eight months old, and I am still analyzing these changes. I became somehow kinder and more honest, above all with myself.
Whatever the experience of motherhood, even if the pregnancy was a surprise, even if everything is not the way it was dreamed up, even if the pregnancy is terminated or lasts 43 weeks instead of 40, the woman finds herself in a new state. She has to find her own way and her own view of the world, taking into account everything that happened.
Similar things happen to a woman’s body only a few times in her life: during adolescence, during pregnancy and with the onset of menopause. In all cases, hormones play a huge role: most changes in the body and emotions are associated with them. Moreover, hormonal changes occur even at the partner, if he lives with the expectant mother. For example, after giving birth in men for 4-7 weeks, testosterone (responsible for "male" behavior) drops by 30%, and the amount of prolactin (attachment hormone) increases. So be ready to see the tears in the eyes of even the most powerful man. This is his nature.
Thanks to progesterone, women also react more acutely to familiar situations, become sensitive and changeable in mood. "Eyes in the wet" in pregnant women, too, because of progesterone. Some find in themselves an incredible sentimentality, which was not suspected for many years. So treat repost with cats more kindly: mega-doses of progesterone with a person will not do this yet.
Dasha, 26 years old marketer, mom son
Being pregnant, you regress to the state of the baby and isolate yourself from all that is dangerous. I feel very well and my body, so I pay attention to such small details as sensations and emotions. Even with familiar people often did not want to communicate.
Rimma, 28 years old student, mother of son
I, in fact, while I was pregnant, turned into some kind of bird that builds its nest. I didn’t expect that such skills of needlework would wake up in me, that I would repaint the whole apartment myself, polish and paint the chest of drawers for Yura and tie up a mountain of children's clothes.
Another hormone (chorionic gonadotropin, or hCG) is responsible for toxicosis in the first months of pregnancy. It affects the thyroid gland, causing nausea, vomiting, odor hypersensitivity and a constant feeling of drowsiness and fatigue. Another explanation for early toxemia in pregnant women is this: it is an evolutionary inherent desire of the body to protect a growing child from harmful toxins in the first 12 weeks of development, when all systems and organs are laid and the baby is especially vulnerable. About 75% of women in one way or another know the delights of toxicosis.
Sasha, 28 years old PR-director, mother of son
No advice from French doctors in the spirit of "drink a little cola and take a breath of fresh air" did not work in my case. Nevertheless, to be in the familiar atmosphere of the house was a real gift. Helped favorite food "from childhood" in small portions, every two hours. Another hercules decoction, asparagus, broth, mineral water. True, fresh air and the absence of sudden movements are important.
Julia, 33 years olddesigner, mother of daughter
The only time I had mild toxemia, I ate kiwi and lay on the floor. And everything went.
Dasha, 30 years old architect, mom son
I had a terrible toxicosis the first three months, and I really did not expect it. I coped with the crap: hugging the toilet and pleading "not to throw out the current", coming to very important meetings on the project, which I was then engaged in.
Katya, 30 years oldphotographer, mother of two sons
The surprise was that the first three months was impossible to live. It seems to be sickening even from the very fact of my existence on Earth: do not eat - it’s bad, while you eat, it seems better, and then it’s bad that you overeat. I tried to take more hospital and stay at home, sleep, so as not to feel this nausea.
Most often, products that quickly deteriorate or that contain potentially irritating substances become unpleasant. For example, Brussels sprouts, cauliflower and tomatoes often cause hostility in pregnant women. As well as meat, eggs, poultry, caffeinated drinks. In some women, it is not nausea that is more pronounced, but fatigue and drowsiness. They can really sleep 14 hours a day and still feel overwhelmed.
Masha, 28 years old journalist, mother of son and daughter
Sharply reluctant to eat meat. Just realized that the person there, inside, does not want. And indeed, the daughter still does not like meat.
Mila, 28 years old architect, mother of daughter
Looking from the side at "successful future mothers", I thought that pregnancy could be overlooked, but it turned out that this was not quite so. I was helped by reducing the level of stress at work — it released a tremendous amount of energy.
Katya, 32 years oldjournalist, mother of son and two daughters
The most difficult thing was to realize that there was no power. I still feel embarrassed that someone can find out about me. I'm kind of like a man and generally punk.
Sometimes pregnancy becomes the first time that a woman is a patient in a hospital. It is not always clear where and how to find a suitable doctor and what to expect from him at all: whether it should be painful on examination, whether it is normal to ask questions, whether it is possible to refuse prescribed drugs and hospitalizations. Sometimes, quite mature women at the doctor’s office turn into defenseless little girls, and the idea that the doctor is also human and that people are different somehow flies out of her head.
Katya, 30 years old illustrator, mother of two daughters
I did not expect that I would go to the hospital for preservation, and I managed to do this only thanks to a psychologist.
Katya, 30 years oldphotographer, mother of two sons
Suddenly, I was confronted with the fact that I have no idea how to be treated for viruses and ARVI. As a result, I didn’t treat almost the entire first pregnancy, and then another year of feeding the baby. I was ill forever, I got chronic tonsillitis. I didn’t know what preparations were possible, and it seemed to me that everything is impossible, because everything can harm a child.
Although physiologically, pregnancy often becomes an ideal time for sex: more blood rushes to the pelvic organs, nerve endings are more sensitive, there is no fear of getting pregnant. It happens that the partner refuses to make love in the presence of the "third".
Katya, 30 years oldphotographer, mother of two sons
It was simply stunning that the husband refused to make love to me, saying that now it looks like some kind of perversion.
The good news is that most men still find their lover the same or even more attractive during pregnancy. But not all women are ready to agree with them: from 25% to 50% of women feel less attractive during pregnancy. During pregnancy, not only increase the belly and chest. Fat reserves are deposited in the hips and shoulders, so that after childbirth a woman has an extra source of energy. Stretch marks may appear. Nipples become darker, and areola more. Even those whom the pregnancy clearly decorates can feel terrible looking at the natural changes of their body.
Katya, 30 years oldphotographer, mother of two sons
I did not expect to be so fat and scary. I couldn’t fight it, how to fight it?
Julia, 33 years old art director, mom son
As a result, my fears were not justified. But I was afraid that I would get fat, my skin would become worse, my hair and nails would deteriorate. Now I see that everything just got better! And in general, there is more beauty and femininity.
The size of the abdomen is often surprising, although no one doubts about this part of the body. At 36-38 week it seems that everything, now it is definitely huge. Then a couple more weeks pass, and it gets bigger.
Rimma, 28 years old student, mother of son
Of course, I did not expect the size of my belly. In the end, my stomach so outweighed me that in the pool I went to the bottom, and on yoga I fell on my side.
Feelings from the movements of the child, which appear in the 16-20 weeks as a gentle touch, by the end of pregnancy can turn into noticeable tremors. To some, it is a pleasure, and for some, a violation of the integrity and boundaries of the body causes, at a minimum, surprise.
Julia, 33 years old art director, mom son
Someone touches you from the inside - certainly unexpectedly.
In recent years, it has been increasingly heard not only that a woman after childbirth quickly “returns to normal”, but also that the pregnancy itself passes unnoticed by a woman: she flutters and flies, and even her stomach reaches 9 months and almost not. And very often, women during pregnancy expect so much of themselves that even small deviations from the ideal picture give rise to the thought that something is wrong with them. Of the 15 wonderful moms with whom I spoke while I was writing this text, half said to me: “Actually, I’m not that cool, I had ...”. Despite feminism and the 21st century, the right of a woman to be pregnant and change before and after childbirth is still very vulnerable.
Every woman has her own tests on the way to motherhood. Besides the body, relationships change. The partner becomes the father, and the parents turn into grandparents, which causes a storm of emotions, often very ambivalent. Even the unfamiliar people begin to react to the appearance of a noticeable abdomen. The most arrogant try to stroke as actively as if there is not a baby there, but a genie from the cartoon about Aladdin. It makes sense to come up with a couple of phrases in advance for such cases, so as not to be caught off guard.
Of course, the easiest way to cope with the new state is when there is support and the opportunity to focus on what is important right now and give yourself time to get used to the new state and sensations. This is a great time to take care of yourself a little more. Do massage, swim in the pool, wallow in bed when you want, and do not communicate with those who have long been annoying. It's easier when the body itself requires change.