"One day they can not be seen": Adults about why they live with their parents
As they grow older, children become more independent.from parents - if, of course, the separation process is not violated. This implies that, sooner or later, the younger members of the family must begin to live separately: alone, alone, with friends or with a partner. True, in practice it is often different: many cannot afford to rent or buy their own housing, someone feels that he is not yet ready to leave - and remains with his parents for an indefinite period.
Sometimes this leads to even greater conflicts, and sometimes both sides manage to build trust and respect. We talked with women and men who still live with their parents - or were forced to return to their house a few years later.
From school years mom, dad, me and my two brothers lived outside the city in a big house. At twenty-three, I got married, we began to live together in my husband's apartment. His parents were nearby, we constantly called each other, we went to visit at least once a week, went to exhibitions at the weekends, or simply walk. My family talked much less: either because they lived outside the city, or because the ex-husband was the only child in the family and his parents were more necessary to meet, I don’t know. While I was married, I moved away from my family. It seemed that we could live our narrow world together and share everything just with each other. Now I think it was selfish on my part.
We were happy, but after four years I packed up and returned to my parents. I didn’t have the habit to boil and run to my mother or girlfriend, but the situation was difficult, and it was the only right decision to live separately for some time. I took all the things for a week - it seemed like it was just a difficult period, let's live separately, think, and everything will work out. But every week I transported more and more things to my parents, and rare meetings with my husband showed that we would not be able to live happily together as before. Six months later we divorced.
By that time, mother was left alone in a four-story building. The older brother got married and left, the younger one moved abroad, mom and dad decided to live separately. Mom was alone in a house where a large family used to live. She often said how glad we are now living together. After the divorce, she really supported me, we talked a lot. I really appreciate it. Without it, I would not have coped, so the life of one was out of the question. When the acute experiences were released, there were thoughts about renting an apartment in the center, next to the work. But the road did not take away the nerves and strength, and I realized that I even like to live outside the city.
Now I have been living with my mother for more than a year. We are two close friends, not a daughter and a controlling mother. I can arrive at five in the morning by taxi or not come to sleep at all - this is my personal business. Each of us has two floors. Sometimes we do not even intersect during the day, although we live in the same house. Questions about the budget does not arise: the store goes to the one who is more convenient at the moment. At home we eat little, but we love to sit together in the evening with wine, cheese and olives. For me it is very important that over the past year I have become close not only with my mother, but also with my father and brothers. I think you should not forget about your parents, even when you are moving. No one knows what will happen tomorrow, and the family is the rear, which will always accept and support you in any situation.
This year I will complete an internship at the Petrozavodsk State Conservatory. I work in the symphony orchestra of the Karelian State Philharmonic and teach at the conservatory. I often go on tour, so I see no reason to rent a separate house. Moreover, renting a good apartment is expensive, and the room is meaningless: I will also intersect with a neighbor, but in addition it will be a stranger. I really like our apartment with my mother, I feel comfortable and cozy - this is also an important reason why I do not want to leave it.
Mom does not hint that I should go. We have a relationship of trust, she does not control me. If I leave for the night, she only asks to write SMS, so as not to worry. I prepare myself food, washing up the dishes. We buy products together, we pay rent in turn: month - I, month - mother. Although the question of communicating with girls periodically rises, and sharply. With the former girlfriend, we lived for some time with me, then rented an apartment. The current girl now lives in another country. I don’t need to invite anyone home, live separately, too - another reason for living without parents is no longer there.
I have a good relationship with my father and mother, although they live separately. I am glad of it. I can not say that I want to see them every day, but we have something to talk about, we understand each other.
I lived with a big family: mom, dad, brother, who married several times, and grandmother. Much has changed, we moved and ended up left alone with my mother. My future husband and I did not consider the option of living with our parents and rented an apartment. Everything was great: we had a wedding, I got pregnant and we settled in the apartment of his grandmother. We made repairs, settled thoroughly, gave birth to a son, and were safely divorced.
I have always been a workaholic. Pregnancy and the decree were no exception: even from the hospital, I scribbled letters at work. Therefore, at first my husband helped with the son. After the divorce (and the child at the time was still breastfeeding) I did not consider the option of a nanny, because I trusted only my mother. So I went back home. Mom quit and took care of her grandson. In response, I fully provide for the family.
Mom gives me complete freedom. I work a lot, the schedule is still irregular, but Friday nights are almost always mine. For my son, I myself choose a kindergarten, clubs, theaters, holidays. He is now four years old, before lunch he is in the kindergarten, then his mother takes him to extra classes (they eat every day). Almost every weekend I leave the city, where we have a second apartment. I always take my son with me; we also spend holidays together. Friends join us, some also with children, so there is no lack of communication. So give my mom a rest.
My mother and I perfectly understand each other, trying to avoid reticence. Therefore, in the near future I do not plan to change the current situation. I understand that because of the age of my mother, it will inevitably have to look for a nanny and buy a big apartment, but as long as I can, I live like this.
In parallel with my studies at the institute, I worked and fully provided for myself and my needs. I paid utility bills, the rest (food, household appliances) was bought by parents. I also paid for my own needs and desires — repair, new furniture, sports equipment, appliances, and so on — and even when my parents offered money, I basically refused.
Then he found a job with a higher salary and seriously thought about buying a home. At the same time, I understood that mortgage is the worst option, since it implies huge interest rates. Parents agreed that the mortgage, as well as renting an apartment, was irrational, and there was no talk that it was time to move out. When my acquaintances had questions, they say, why I still live with my parents, it was enough to mention a mortgage, and all further questions fell away.
I had no strict rules or restrictions. The only disagreement was that I always wanted a dog, but my mother was totally against it. Otherwise, I had freedom. I could invite guests at any time, the only condition for mom and dad was not to make noise after ten o'clock in the evening. My parents did not mind when I had girls, did not pester with too much attention and questions. When I was alone with the girl, the fact that they would disturb us was completely excluded. And yet sometimes I lacked solitude and silence: I remained alone, only when my parents went on vacation.
The last six months, I live with a girl in her apartment and continue to save for real estate. Parents are ready to help with the purchase of housing, but now our total funds will not be enough for an apartment in those parts of St. Petersburg that I like. Moreover, because of the working prospects, the girl and I seriously think about moving to Moscow and buying an apartment there.
I think it’s not necessary to see parents all the time. We must have time to get bored, and then the meeting will be happier, and communication will be more interesting.
I am Armenian and live with my parents. Do not hesitate and do not understand the nature of possible constraint. It will be naive to throw everything on ethnic traditions, because many immediately the question arises: "Do you have any opinion?" There is an opinion, and it is consonant with my culture, it is through its prism that I perceive many moments of life - including life with my parents before marriage.
It all depends on the relationship with parents and self-perception. I am used to the fact that since childhood I have been surrounded by many relatives and friends of my parents. I like this atmosphere of eternal celebration and unity that reigns at home. I love parents and I want to be with them as long as possible. This does not prevent me from developing, feeling free, having ambitions and setting important tasks. Everything in my family is very liberal: I have never been forbidden to travel with friends, welcomed the idea of studying abroad, with no knife at the door no one stands. Neither in adolescence, nor now did I even thought of escaping or renting an apartment with a friend.
All my friends and Armenian friends live with my parents. Most often, after the wedding, the couple lives with the husband's parents. This is done to show respect for elders and to take care of them - they become more vulnerable with age. In my culture, a close relationship with parents is important. After the appearance of the child, the life of parents and relatives is devoted to his upbringing, interests, talents, mood. I have not yet met an Armenian who would not try to dress his child in the best clothes, to arrange a better school - this is a kind of national idea. Our mentality is very simple: first, parents are wrapped in universal love and protection of their child, and then he does the same in response.
Even when I finished studying and started working, my parents said: “Why do you spend money on a rented apartment? Better save up for your own home or something else.” Thrifty, I have never been different, although I helped and helped my parents financially. If necessary, they support me too.
The option of living with my parents did not suit me. First, I wanted to learn how to distribute time to life (cook, wash, stroke food). Secondly, it is important for me to be independent, and my mother controlled me, for example, asked when I would come home. Then I bucked about it, now I understand that she wanted to make sure that everything was fine with me. Parents must be remembered, interested in their health, affairs, visiting. After all, the time will come when they absolutely can not be seen.
It took time to get the opportunity to shoot without tightening the belt. As a result, for three years I lived separately from my parents. Then he came with a girl, he lived a year with her. We started to meet even earlier, before I moved out, but there were no problems with her remaining with me or with me. We all got along well with each other. Of course, inside there was a feeling of “big and with mom,” but the girl understood me.
In November, we parted. I then changed jobs, broke up, began to spend money, which would be enough for a month or another lease. In order to wait out the dark times, he lost heart and returned to his parents. This decision was given to me with difficulty. In two weeks I move out.
Photo: topntp - stock.adobe.com, Africa Studio - stock.adobe.com (1, 2)