"Not bad for a girl": What is harmful benevolent sexism
Sexism is a familiar background of our life, so sometimes it is difficult to recognize. The traditional division of gender roles is still considered by many to be the norm, and those who are unhappy with this situation are often accused of allegedly ignoring the really important questions and “picking on trifles”: inappropriate sexual postures of models from an advertising banner, whistling at streets or the issue of "chicks".
Meanwhile, conventional remarks like “For a woman you drive well” and attempts to protect a woman from difficult tasks of caring for “women's health” are not only dubious, but not as harmless as it may seem at first glance. Like many good-tone rules that have a clear gender color: according to unwritten laws, it is the man who is obliged to pay the total bill in the restaurant, give the woman a place in transport, help with packages from the grocery store and solve the allegedly unbearable task for her like repairing a car - with It doesn’t matter if she really needs help.
A woman, according to tradition, should receive any compliment or display of care with gratitude, and treat the earner with a light reverence. In fact, such "polite" behavior reflects the common stereotype that women are fragile to helplessness and need male guardianship. Not only women suffer from this construction, which is often disguised as care - they are treated as creatures at least infantile, but men also - the demands on them are exaggerated. All this is called benevolent sexism.
Usually, sexism is understood as explicit discrimination and hostile attacks on women, for example, a contempt for her mental abilities or a direct reference to "a place at the stove." In fact, sexism can manifest itself in different ways: both in explicit statements that women are allegedly “inferior” (this is called hostile sexism), and in the “benevolent” stereotype that all women are caring, sensitive, weak and in need in masculine creature protection (this is called benevolent sexism). The concept was first used in the work of 1996 by Peter Glick and Susan Fiske: they believe that sexism can take different forms, but always comes from the same premise.
Both “versions” of discrimination grow out of unreliable belief in the biological conditionality of male and female qualities: according to this logic, women are supposedly more sensitive by default, prone to care and empathy, but they are deprived of willpower, ability to think logically and make important decisions , because of what they need male guardianship. The difference from the “usual” sexism is that from the “benevolent” position these properties are evaluated positively, and it is customary to admire their bearer.
The belief that the “fragile flowers” should be protected comes back to the courtly tradition, for which men are noble defenders, and women are “beautiful ladies” who need care. Culture is changing, but stereotypes continue to create a trap: although research says that there is no difference between male and female thinking, ideas about "weak", "emotional" women and "brutal" men still determine the order of things. They try to educate girls more “soft” and obedient, and boys are taught to be “strong” in everything. Psychologist Sean Bern notes that empathy in girls is brought up from childhood - from choosing toys to imposing certain behaviors in adulthood. Benevolent sexism encourages soft and passive behavior and thereby further nourishes gender stereotypes.
How can a person who is unable to put on his coat or open the door, make decisions, work and lead a team?
Lisa says that the proposals to hold the door or help with bags put her in an awkward and often humiliating situation: "I see such situations as unpleasant and forced. You have to make a choice: to do it, as society demands from you and the man who offered help , or whatever you want. If an unfamiliar man offers to bring my food package, I immediately have a question - and where will he carry it, to himself or to me? I do not want a stranger to go to my house. Naturally, I I refuse unpleasant to me help. " Frequently, Liza’s actions cause misunderstanding, and sometimes it comes to insults: “If an unfamiliar man opens the door for me, I suggest that he go through himself and not let me go ahead. Usually, this situation does not suit men, as a matter of principle, they continue to insist.” The girl sees privacy in this, and not genuine concern.
“The logic of benevolent sexism always leads to the restriction of freedom, even for the sake of protection,” said Marina Vasilieva, a participant in the project “Feminists explain” "This behavior leads to the stereotype that a woman is a beautiful flower: she cannot manage her life on her own, and therefore she needs to be protected. As a result, we get a list of prohibited professions. By this logic, it turns out that a woman cannot live without her husband or should not vote, or even go out without being accompanied by relatives, ”explains Marina.“ But this is not presented as a restriction of rights, but as a defense against dangers. After all, how can a person who is not able to put on a coat or is open door, make decisions, work and manage a team? "
Marina recalls that in childhood her friend was taught to open the door for girls, because "they are weak and cannot do it themselves" and because "they are future mothers". At the same time, in her opinion, you can hold the door or help to put on a coat for anyone (this should not depend on gender and gender), but only when a person really needs it.
Benevolent sexism is often supported even by those who oppose "direct" discrimination. It gives rise to the conditional "women's privileges" - the ability not to pay bills and not to lift heavy bags. But along with the "bonuses" a woman involuntarily sacrifices and the right to make independent decisions, to claim equal pay and high social status. While on the Eighth of March, women continue to congratulate as “decoration of the office,” rather than equal employees, they are unlikely to be taken seriously and trust them with important posts. It turns out that women's "bonuses" form a "golden cage": unlike real privileges, they do not give any power.
Both hostile and benevolent sexism cultivate and justify the leading position of a man. But if the former does it directly, then the latter indirectly, presenting male privileges as a duty and a holy duty. Such a “benevolent” approach excludes women from the public sphere and closes them access to roles with high social status - in return, women receive a “knightly” attitude and protection.
At the same time, both women and men become hostages of their roles. For example, women who prefer to divide the score equally often face misunderstanding: according to the LearnVest survey, 55% of men and 63% of women believe that this is a man’s duty - many follow this rule, even if a man has financial difficulties or is unemployed, and a woman it would be easier to pay for yourself or for both. One can trace the link between the traditional distribution of roles and the inequality of wages: as long as the man is obliged to pay his partner's bills patronizingly, he should receive higher positions and more money. However, many still believe that a woman should not earn more than a man, so as not to infringe upon his pride.
Benevolent sexism can be found in the professional environment, and even where everything is aimed at helping women
With the difference in approaches to men and women, girls can face up to the start of their careers. Maria, a medical student, says that students who receive medical education are perceived as future midwives, gynecologists, pediatricians, family doctors, or specialists in reproductive technology: they are given stereotypical “female” specializations. “As a result, such an approach repels once and for all the above-mentioned specialties,” she says. “In medical schools, you often come across the notion of“ girls — delicate flowers that need to be protected and nurtured ”, usually directly from women. One of our first lectures is she was read by a female teacher - she contained the thesis “Girls, don't go to the surgeons - this is a dirty man's business.” We come up with such recommendations regularly, but they only cause a desire to go into the “unmarried” profession - to become a surgeon or and a traumatologist, and so good that no one else would dare say: "This is not for girls". " Male teachers often treat female students patronizingly. "I am sure that they sincerely wish us the best in terms of patriarchal perception, but they are unable to cope with insane annoyance from another statement about the beautiful half of humanity and decorations for the audience," Maria says.
Benevolent sexism can be found in the professional environment, and even where everything is aimed at helping women. Zalina Marshenkulova, author of the telegram channel "Female Power", cites as an example of this situation the forum "Woman Matters": among its events, for example, was the lecture "Heels - the power of the weaker sex." According to the journalist, the event "is served as if it glorifies women - but in fact, once again exposes them not as personalities, but as an uncomplicated attachment to a man." “There are a lot of so-called unions of feminine forces - they live on grants and state money, and they are involved in holding events like“ the girl should cook soup and be submissive. ”I call such organizations“ unions of vaginal forces ”and recommend them their benevolently sexist activities more precisely, for example, “How to control a man with vaginal muscles”, ”Zalina says ironically.
Researchers note that benevolent and hostile sexism is closely related and work in tandem: concern for the "weak field" easily flows into the contemptuous "women are not capable of anything." In societies dominated by benevolent sexism, there is a high risk of facing a hostile one - as a result, in such an environment women are much less likely to occupy high positions in politics or business.
Two types of sexism complement each other according to the carrot and carrot method: the benevolent pushes women to obey their gender role, promising for this “benefits” like the gallant attitude of men, and the hostile serves as punishment to those who do not fall into the category of “real” women. The same division of women into "good" - that is soft, modest and sensitive - and "bad" indirectly feeds off victim labeling: according to this logic, only those who behave modestly enough, not follow the traditional role and "provoke" can become victims of violence rapist
In the twenty-first century, when suffragists long ago won the right for women to vote, get an education, shortly cut their hair and wear pants, and the second and third waves of feminism came to replace them, frank and rude sexism becomes more obvious, and society gradually ceases to be tolerant to him. But benevolent sexism, which often seems flattering and pleasant, imperceptibly dictates the rules of the game. And if hostile sexism causes resentment and a desire to resist it, the benevolent, on the contrary, reduces the motivation to defend the rights and resist the current order of things. Studies show: women willingly accepting benevolent sexism are usually less ambitious in education and careers and more often depend on their husbands financially.
Benevolent sexism can be resisted - starting, for example, with a verbal demonstration that not all "compliments" are pleasant to you and seem appropriate
"Benevolent sexism, like a wolf in sheep's clothing, impedes gender equality. These actions, which look like goodwill gestures, force women to maintain the status quo. Sexism looks benevolent, attractive and completely harmless," explains psychology professor Judith Hall.
And yet, benevolent sexism can be resisted - starting, for example, with a verbal demonstration that not all "compliments" and "good taste" rules are pleasant to you and seem appropriate. Take at least an obsessive Ketkolling or close attention to appearance during business negotiations. Unsolicited help is also optional - you can let a person understand that his proposal does not interest you. If at work they are offered to carry out typically "women's" assignments - women allegedly print faster, organize coziness better or cope with routine, - they should be safely abandoned if this is not included in the list of your main duties. After all, there is no “good” discrimination.
