Checklist: 9 signs that perfectionism will destroy you
alexander savina
"I am a perfectionist" - a phrase that is usually pronounced proudly. This is one of the most approved traits: everyone knows that work needs to be done well, it would seem, what problems could there be? Nevertheless, perfectionism is not just a desire to do everything "according to the highest standard", but a painful aspiration, which greatly interferes with life: the people confronted with it are too hard on themselves and are constantly worried about the opinions of others. We have already told you how perfectionism is dangerous (among other things, it is also associated with depression, anxiety and insomnia), and now we have decided to figure out how to recognize him in yourself. If you feel that you can not cope with the situation yourself, do not be afraid to turn to the therapist.
1
You are always unhappy with the result of your work.
From the simple desire to do well and make every effort to achieve the goal, perfectionism is distinguished by the desire for a far-fetched ideal. We all know that it is impossible to achieve the ideal (it does not exist in nature), but one thing is to know, and another is to apply this knowledge in practice.
Perfectionists often encounter the fact that no matter how much effort they put in, they always feel that they could do better: cope faster, achieve more, and so on. It also happens that a person understands that everything turned out very well, but reproaches himself, that he had to work so hard to achieve a result - after all, the "ideal" people supposedly get everything simple, quickly and with minimal effort.
2
You value someone else's opinion above your own
People who are not at all concerned about the opinions of others, are a minority: almost all of us somehow think about how we want to look in front of others, what we want to tell them, and which features and feelings are ready to reveal only to those closest to us. But one thing is to think about others, but still to respect your own desires, and quite another to catch yourself on the fact that it is the opinions of others that dictate your life.
“I’m still working overtime a day, because everyone is waiting for this,” “I will re-check these papers again - managers like meticulous ones” themselves, and which simply because it is “accepted”. If you understand that you are sacrificing your own comfort and well-being so that people around you think about you better, it's time to think about whether it is not too expensive for make-up.
3
You are afraid of an imperfect result - and you cannot start acting
Perfectionism is often called one of the possible causes of procrastination: sometimes we are so afraid to do everything not well enough to postpone it to the last. And although not all experts agree with this theory, many feel it on themselves: a paralyzing feeling that nothing will work out and the fear of a big task.
It is clear what this situation is fraught with: if you postpone the matter for too long, there is a risk of doing it at the last moment and making it even worse because of the tight deadlines. Remember that doing something "imperfectly" is still better than not doing anything.
4
You are doing everything longer than you could.
It would seem a feature that is in no way incompatible with perfectionism — and yet. People who are prone to perfectionism often make very high demands on themselves and everything they undertake. Sometimes this leads to the opposite result: instead of just doing well, a person rechecks everything again and again, fixes minor bugs and as a result works much longer than could be.
It is difficult to let go of the situation, but the refusal of perfectionism does not mean that you will do something bad - sometimes you just need to do everything at a sufficient level and not correct it from time to time.
5
Errors seem to be the end of the world
No matter how much we want the opposite, in work, in relations with people, and in other areas, we will still be waiting for a mistake. Hardly anyone gets pleasure from them, but we all know that valuable experience comes along with failures - the main thing is to understand what went wrong and draw conclusions from this.
But for perfectionists, the mistake may not be an important step on the way forward, but a painful point, which seems only to confirm that the person is "imperfect." It may be useful to think about what could have been done differently, but it’s not worth dwelling on it and constantly scrolling through the head in one and the same situation. You can’t change the past, is it worth torturing yourself?
6
You are afraid to discuss your failures.
In addition to the fear of mistakes and anxiety about what others think, perfectionism brings with it and the fear of honestly discussing with others what is happening to you and what worries you. At first glance, this may seem insignificant (“My problems are my problems, why discuss them with others?”), But there is always the risk of losing something important: we all need support from time to time, and in difficult situations moments especially. In addition, it is always useful to get the opinion of another in a difficult situation - and look at yourself from the outside.
7
You expect from others that they will be perfect
We all understand that perfectionists are strict with themselves - but it also happens that they place equally stringent demands on others. This, in turn, can interfere with relationships - it is unlikely that someone is attracted by the prospect of being driven into a narrow framework in order to meet the expectations of others.
If it seems to you that your relationship does not stand up to criticism, because they do not look like a perfect picture in your head, and the surrounding people are generally good people, but you know exactly by what parameters they could be “pulled up”, it's time to think, you do not need whether pacify perfectionism. The fact that a person does not fit into certain ideas does not make him bad - he just becomes real.
8
When you are praised, you think that people are just wrong
If every time you are given compliments, it seems to you that people are cruelly mistaken about you, because in fact you have not done anything special, then you may have lost yourself in the endless race for the ideal. Of course, this is not about how we respond to compliments in general - given how often compliments are considered normal, in fact, they are trespassing, inappropriate commentary, or a double message in which humiliation is also encrypted.
It is quite another thing if you can not remember when the last time rejoiced at the appropriate sincere praise from a pleasant person. We all need the support of others from time to time - both in joyful and in difficult moments.
9
You charge too much
This feature does not necessarily apply to perfectionists: it happens that those who find it difficult to allocate time tend to collect more cases, and then do not have time to finish on time. But perfectionism can create additional obstacles to life here too - especially if you think you can (or should be able to) do even more and faster, and then find yourself buried under a mountain of tasks or regularly stay in the office at midnight. There is nothing wrong with striving to do more and develop - the main thing is that it does not interfere with your own comfort and other interests.
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