Bridesmaids: Why are hen parties still exist?
AUGUST - TRADITIONAL PEAK OF WEDDING SEASON, so it's time to speculate about hen parties. More recently, parties for bridesmaids were just fun borrowing from foreign romcoms, but today a bachelorette party is already crowding such monumental attributes of wedding ceremonies as a cake or rings. On the Internet, you can find detailed guides on the organization, in the shops - a variety of accessories, and pop culture tirelessly reminds that this is an integral part of the holiday - supposedly, without a stormy party, family life simply does not work out. We decided to find out what the hen parties mean today and whether they are combined with a modern idea of the role of women.
As is the case with many other wedding traditions (remember at least the engagement ring with a diamond - a symbol of marriage, which is actually the result of an advertising campaign), the hen party is a relatively recent invention. Of course, the rituals associated with marriage, existed in antiquity: for example, it is believed that the tradition of bachelor parties originates in Sparta of the fifth century BC - the soldiers arranged a festive dinner in honor of the groom. But the rites of the past concerning brides have little in common with modernity. In Russia, for example, the bride had a farewell to an unmarried life, and in this very farewell there was little joyful — it was perceived rather as a symbolic death before the beginning of a new life. Before the wedding, the girl was supposed to lament a lot (wedding lamentations were a separate genre, with their style of performance and other features). Then the girlfriends and relatives present were symbolically unraveling the braid of the girl - this ceremony was rather cruel and difficult for the bride, and not at all joyful. Often the hen party was accompanied by a trip to the bath: the symbolic "cleansing" was supposed to draw the line between girlhood and marriage. Over time, the rite, according to a number of researchers, lost its former meaning, becoming a meeting of the bride and her bridesmaids, but the meeting place remained the same: the girls went to the bathhouse before the wedding.
The Western hen night, as we understand it today, appeared only in the middle of the last century. Sociologist Beth Montemurro says that until the fifties and sixties, there were only so-called bridal showers in the United States — meetings with guests where gifts were given to the bride. In these decades, a modern farewell party appeared: the brides began to organize a second, more closed party, only for friends - there they could drink and open presents that were awkward to watch in the presence of relatives and friends of the family, for example, underwear. Beth Montemurro notes that in a more "rakish" format - with liters of alcohol and striptease - in the US, hen parties began to celebrate in the eighties. Women felt freer and increasingly wondered why men can throw up loud parties on the eve of the wedding, and they should behave "decently" and be limited to modest "female" entertainment.
A bachelorette party is also a way of sexual expression and recognition of sexuality as part of one’s own identity. Until recently it was believed that women do not have these desires.
At about the same time, the wedding industry itself began to change. Montemurro believes that this was largely influenced by the "wedding of the century" - the ceremony of Prince Charles and Diana, followed by hundreds of millions of people. Since then, attention to wedding ceremonies and, as a result, wedding budgets have only grown: according to the American website The Knot, on average in 2017, Americans spent 33,391 dollars on marriage, and in Manhattan an average wedding cost 76 thousand dollars. "Wedding fever" and touched the cost of a bachelorette party: according to the same The Knot, Americans spend an average of up to five hundred dollars per person at parties for friends of the bride and groom. In Russia, representatives of the wedding industry estimate the average bachelorette party budget at twenty thousand rubles. Although, of course, talking about "standard" expenses is difficult: a bachelorette party can be both a budget picnic in the park, and a trip to Europe for the weekend with a corresponding price tag. The idea that goodbye to the girlhood will have to spend, fed and pop culture - remember the "Bachelorette Party in Vegas", "Bachelorette" and "Very bad girls."
Remaining an attribute of the traditional institute of weddings, hen parties largely reflect the evolution of our perception of relationships, marriage and gender roles in general. In addition to dresses and accessories purchased specifically for the festive day, the modern bachelorette party over time became associated with sex: in Hollywood comedies, the stripper became the main entertainment of the evening, in real life the topic somehow began to slip at the penis-shaped cake , and the bride was asked about the first sex with the groom. The idea that marriage is necessarily the first and only relationship in a woman’s life, and she can find out about sex only after the wedding, is a thing of the past - which means that nothing more prevented openly discussing the issue, including at the pre-wedding party. “The society believed that men have something to lose when they get married, but for women, on the contrary, everything is just beginning,” writes Beth Montemurro. “A bachelorette party is also a way of sexual expression and recognition of sexuality as part of one’s own identity. Until recently, that women do not have these desires - or that talking about interest in sex in public is not worth it. "
The division itself into “hen party” and “bachelor party” implies that the holiday has a “male” and “female” zone, that the bride cannot have male friends, and the groom has girlfriends
Decades later, this approach no longer seems so progressive and liberating. After all, he means that the fun and sexual freedom of a woman ends after the wedding, and the bachelorette party is the “last sip” of fun in the life of the bride. In addition, the very idea of a bachelorette party most often drives women into the framework of "typical" scenarios: "riotous", with a stripper and a cake in the shape of a penis, or "girlish" - in a spa or in drawing classes with wine. Both options somehow revolve around traditional gender roles and ideas about marriage: a woman either follows traditional attitudes or struggles with the norm, trying to be “like a man”.
The division itself into “hen party” and “bachelor party” implies that the holiday has a “male” and “female” zone, that the bride cannot have male friends, and the groom has girlfriends. Like the entire global wedding industry, it is very heteronormative: parties for same-sex couples in the concept of "hen party" and "bachelor party" simply do not fit. “Weddings and hen parties are one of the most strictly heteronormative events in my life,” Alice Shepard said. “It's funny that in ordinary life, the very idea of buying some souvenirs related to penis is disgusting to me, but you come to him as a guest, this is incredibly difficult to avoid. In one of the main photos from my girlfriend's bachelorette party, we wave with other bridesmaids and penis candies. We are both lesbians. "
In defense of a bachelorette party, we can say, however, that many women are not ready to abandon the ritual, because they believe in the institution of marriage as a whole. Society is moving further and further away from the idea of a “traditional” marriage (and from the necessity of marriage for strong relationships in principle), but this does not mean that the decision to formalize relations should officially become a new taboo, and someone’s intention to marry should be discounted. Moreover, sometimes the original meaning of the tradition is erased, and it acquires new meanings. “At the bachelorette party I wanted to gather women who used to support me: listened to my stories about bad dates and failed relationships, helped me and thanks to which I generally looked at the world more positively,” says writer Amy Shraibman Walter. the time when I was not married, and to drink for those women who were an important part of these years. " Modern ritual can be seen in hen parties: this is no longer a farewell to the "free" premarital life, but the triumph of the sisterhood - what could be more modern and liberating?
Photo: John Lewis (1, 2), Oasis, The Hen Planner, Art'emi
