Three is a gang: How I accidentally gave birth to triplets and rasshu it without nannies
We recently published an interview with famous dads.growing twins. But the topic is inexhaustible, but I also wanted to know what to do if you have a double or a triplet, and resources are limited. Anastasia Aksyanova has three children of one and a half years, and all the worries about them fall solely on the shoulders of the parents. For those who read her witty Facebook blog, life with a triple is sometimes surprisingly easy. We asked Anastasia to tell you how to survive and not go crazy when you grow up a triplet without grandmothers and nannies.
Without going into the medical details, I will say that in the second IVF protocol, two embryos were transplanted into my uterus in the hope that at least one will take root this time. The result exceeded all expectations. Both embryos not only survived, but also produced a third one: one split in two. As soon as this became known, I was immediately offered to undergo the reduction procedure. There are too many risks in bearing a multiple pregnancy, both for the mother and for the future offspring. It is very likely not to bear the children at all or give birth to them very premature and unviable. Not to mention the triple burden on a pregnant organism, for which, for example, such a number of circles of blood circulation is a risk.
Reduction is the killing of "extra" embryos by injection. After the injection, the embryos die and remain in the uterus. No one can predict the further course of events - the dead embryos can be mummified and slowly dissolve or cause inflammation leading to a complete miscarriage. In my case, it was necessary to reduce identical twins, since the bearing of such fruits is fraught with the occurrence of feto-fetal syndrome or, if both fetuses are located in one bubble, strangling with entangled umbilical cords. I faced an extremely difficult choice, including because I heard three heartbeats, felt three lives in myself. And, despite the possible consequences of carrying, and then bringing up the triplets, I could not go on the reduction.
Subsequently, the doctors gave me the nickname "Unicum". Pregnancy proceeded extremely calmly, I managed to carry out three children without any particular complications and give birth to full thirty-six weeks - this is luck, this is not always the case. And now I have Margarita, Fedor and Ivan Ivanovich - the greatest love of my life.
I will omit household details with the organization of feeding, bathing and disguise of three babies in a row. There is nothing particularly interesting about this, it’s just that you have to do everything three times. It is clear that you can somehow optimize, but in general there are no miracles, you just make three times more effort. But this is not so in everything - for example, it is technically impossible to stack one child for two hours, when the other two scream. I had to teach children to fall asleep just in your presence, but without direct intervention, no motion sickness. And after half a year, the children themselves entered into a mode of two daytime dreams, falling asleep on their own, at about the same time. So what to do? Mom is one, she has only two hands.
The result exceeded expectations: both embryos not only settled down, but also produced a third one: one was divided in two
The most difficult for us were technical difficulties with moving around the city. Our stroller does not always fit into the ramps, the stairs become an insurmountable obstacle, public transport is something inaccessible. One parent cannot leave the house without assistance with all three children and go, say, to the polyclinic. Once a pediatric neurologist on a routine inspection recommended me to go with the children to the pool. To my argument: “We, unfortunately, cannot; I cannot bring them alone, and dad is at work all week”, she calmly replied: “Well, did you give birth somehow? What did you think? Try now.” I didn’t manage to wear children for ten days in a row. The kindest masseur from our clinic tried to resolve this issue through the head doctor - she was ready to go to the house, for this purpose permission was required to give us half an hour’s morning recording. But she was not given permission.
After all three children began to walk, it became unreal to walk with them to one adult. This is simply dangerous: all three of them scatter in different directions. Together you can catch and not give a cripple, but this is every time the efforts and intense attention. We are shouting at the site "I ran after Rita! Look after Ivan, here he is on the slide!" We had to change the car to another - she was six years old, but then there was a big trunk and three children's seats in the row.
For me, all this means almost constant isolation. While the husband is at work, I am locked with the children in the apartment. In terms of shopping, online stores help out - but they cannot help me collect children and go to visit a friend or just take a walk. If one child solves the problem of uncomfortable ramps, for example, a sling, then there is no such possibility with three. We also cannot fly on vacation, if only because three adults must accompany the triplets on the plane.
Of course, the money would solve most of these difficulties - but our budget is quite limited, and we manage it on our own. My husband, fortunately, is not one of those who limit the upbringing and care of children to the concept of "motherhood" - he is a real partner who can replace me in all domestic issues related to children: to feed, put, wash and change clothes. His whole life outside of work is devoted to his family, otherwise we would simply not have stood the test. Now we are considering an option in which Ivan will go on maternity leave for up to three years, and I will work - at least, before my salary was higher, that is, it would be more profitable for the whole family.
From the state, of course, there is support in the form of small benefits and benefits. Theoretically, a kindergarten is laid out to us without a queue and free of charge - this is if there is no queue of those without a turn. If there is no nursery in any kindergarten, then it will take up to three years to build houses. In this case, the allowance for the care of children under one and a half years, the only tangible aid in terms of finances, is no longer available to us. If I go to work, and my husband does not go on maternity leave, one salary will have to be given to a nurse (if we find her, few people are willing to work with triplets). Talking about a sudden increase in income is also not necessary - it is difficult to make a career, being the parent of young children, who often get sick and require a lot of attention and effort. So, to be honest, I do not have an answer to the title question yet - my tripling is just a year and a half, and it’s still too early to declare that I survived.
Of course, I look with envy at the familiar European mothers who have the opportunity to send the child to the nursery and quietly go to work - and no one sends children with banal snot home, so the parent does not have to spend three weeks a month in the hospital, losing in total value at work. It is great when a mother has the opportunity (and desire) to stay with children for as long as possible. But we do not live in a fairy tale. Money, alas, does not fall from the sky, and everyone has to survive because of their capabilities.
In Moscow, besides the actual abolition of the nursery, the law does not work, according to which a large plot of land is supposed to have many children. There is no land in Moscow - this is understandable, but no compensation is provided for, as in some other regions. I will answer an extremely common question of those who are curious: no, they did not give us an apartment. For some reason, many believe that this is a matter of course. It is not, and we knew it from the very beginning. We made the decision, fully aware of the consequences, and bear full responsibility for it. We still live in a tiny one-bedroom apartment with walk-through rooms, in the usual five-story building. I know large families that are in even more constrained conditions. It’s not that we, someone with many children, owes something, I just want to dispel the myth that the manna from heaven falls on the status of having many children - everything is exactly the opposite.
In general, it is quite realistic to grow triplets without the help of grandmothers and nannies - it is only really difficult physically and technically. Yes, and isolation is given hard. There should certainly be an opportunity to sometimes switch and rest, do something that brings pleasure. We traveled with children almost all the parks in Moscow. Were in Vladimir, Suzdal, Kazan - the distance allowed to be on the road for no more than 8-10 hours, it was possible to adapt to children's sleep. Such trips, of course, tire, but they allow you to change the situation.
Three children are able to smash an apartment into pieces, if it is not stopped in time
Six months after giving birth, I started to go to the gym three times a week to be alone, to physically discharge - of course, this is possible only because the husband wants and knows how to stay with the children. Of course, social networking also helps to survive isolation and overload. I started blogging on Facebook almost immediately after the birth of children. Over time, many readers have appeared, who are probably attracted by humor in my publications. And for me, this is a real therapy, the opportunity to look at my life and this endless groundhog day from the side, finding in any little things funny and touching.
The most important thing that redeems everything is love. It is not divided into three, but, on the contrary, multiplied. In addition, the cultivation of three children of completely different nature is a very interesting and exciting task. An experience that teaches you to prioritize, not to worry about trifles, not to waste efforts on minor trifles. Even when you have three children of the same age exhibiting individual reactions to the world around you, it becomes clear: even though you influence the little man, by and large he was born ready. Your task is to love and protect, support. Make sure not to kill. Watching my children, I learned to look at other people's methods and results of education without a conviction. And it is completely indifferent to respond to attempts by strangers to educate me.
Triplet is socialized by default. Yes, they are fighting for toys, and now for me. But they also play together. I will not lie, three children are a gang. They are able to smash an apartment into pieces, if not nipped in time. My husband and I have been eating standing for a year and a half. All the doors on the bollards, the dressers are bolted to the walls with iron chains, everything is valuable either in the safe or at the height inaccessible to children. The kitchen and the corridor with a bathroom overlap with special gates: if lunch is being prepared on the stove, and your children have learned to climb the table before walking, then it is better to be safe as much as possible. At the same time, once I began to notice that they could console each other, share a dummy, stroke the head of a crying person — and this is at the age of a year and a half! They have each other, and they understand it.
I also attribute to the very positive moments the fact that there are many good, sincerely willing to help people. The most courageous stay for a few hours with the children to give my husband and I the opportunity to leave the house, go to the movies or just sit quietly in a cafe. Several times, strangers and women came to me to help me leave the house and take a walk with the children. Before the birth of children, I have never in my life experienced such endless gratitude to the people around me. Surprisingly, now there are those near whom I could not even think about. But the previous social circle narrowed to almost complete extinction.
Of course, we are faced with a huge number of questions and comments, not always ethical or pleasant. Strangers on the street, absolutely not embarrassed, ask: "And is this your IVF or did it yourself?" Every day I answer the question about the number of nannies. The curious are wondering if our grandmothers help us, and they sincerely marvel when it turns out that they are not. It is advised to send the grandmothers to retire and divide the duties of caring for grandchildren between them. However, at the same time, no one specifies where one grandmother will live, a nonresident, and how much the second will stretch, much ill.
There are still quite surprising comments: "But they immediately fought off / shot out! They fulfilled the plan in one fell swoop!" You can think, bear and give birth - this is the greatest of difficulties. Not to mention the fact that we did not initially plan for more than one. Regularly I hear in our address a consolatory "But they saved!" I suspect that we are talking about an IVF procedure. It seems like three for the price of one. According to the action took the kids on sale. Such are we guys here! In polyclinics, it happens that they grumble that they “gave birth”. I understand that we alone are able to create a queue from scratch - well, now, don't waste your time on explanations.
It happens that moms in social networks write to me: “Oh, Anastasia! It's easier for you - your children do not require as much attention as my one. They occupy themselves, they play among themselves. how to handle your three. " At such moments I can’t even find the right words to formulate the correct answer - and just ignore it. None of the commentators were around, when I, swallowing tears, shook at once three children screaming for colic: one in my arms, two in my legs. And so half a day, singing in a circle children's songs, driving me crazy. But still, in most cases, people smile, desire health and good luck. Over the past year and a half I have met more wonderful people than I have in my whole previous life. And it is a great inspiration.