First yours, then each his own: How couples manage a family budget
How to organize a family budget with benefit and comfort?Each couple resolves this issue in its own way, although there are not so many basic models of the family budget. If partners choose the traditional general budget scheme, they put all their income in a “common pot”, from which they finance all the expenses of the family - both joint and personal. With a separate budget, each has its own income and expenses, and partners can even borrow from each other. This does not mean that they have no joint expenses: they can be thrown off for common needs. Finally, there is a third popular scheme: a husband and wife share part of the income and expenses (for example, they throw a certain amount into a common account - equally or in other proportions - and from this amount they pay for renting an apartment or joint vacation), and some are left for personal needs.
Each scheme has both pros and cons. We talked with different characters about how they regulate family finances and why they are advised to do this.
I was always embarrassed to raise the issue of money in a relationship; while they met, but did not live together, everyone had their own money, of course. Then we began to live together and waited for the child, but the budgets did not unite - and I realized that I was uncomfortable. For example, we went to the supermarket by turns, and I understood that when a boyfriend was going, I was uncomfortable asking him to buy me some delicacies, because his income was four times lower than mine - he just graduated from the university and found the first job. Then I decided that “inconvenient to ask” to buy something is not the case, we are family, we should have some kind of common money.
As a result, we have a common account with two cards. Every month we transfer to it how many people can, usually approximately equally, for example, 600-700 euros. There were situations when I translated a lot more, and there were when my husband did it. This account debits money for electricity, gas, Internet, water, and gyms; With the same cards we pay in supermarkets, restaurants, transport, pharmacies, with this common money we buy diapers and baby food. The last six months, I replenish the account with slightly larger sums than my husband, because he pays for kindergarten: if you do this through a special system at work, then the money for the kindergarten is calculated from wages before taxes, that is, you pay the tax from a smaller amount, it is profitable . Major expenses like furniture, household appliances, airline tickets and hotels on me; I think this will not always be the case, and as each of our revenues becomes equal, the contribution of each will be the same.
It has become much easier for both of us psychologically, we understand that we can support each other at any moment. Previously, it was inconvenient for me to ask my husband for twenty euros in cash, for example, to pay for cleaning the apartment - because it was his money; and now it’s convenient, because both of us, if we wish, can withdraw this cash from the same account. I think, in time, we will come to a complete unification of budgets: we are a family, and everything can be common in a family. While I am not ready for this, firstly, technically - I have income in rubles and they come to a Russian bank, and transferring money to Spain is still that puzzle. Secondly, it is convenient for me that no one cares about how much I spend on a haircut or buying cosmetics; putting money into the general budget, and then taking it from there for personal expenses, seems strange at the moment.
I also save 20% of any income on a savings account in dollars (because I am afraid in rubles, and it is difficult for me to separate the euro from the account for current expenses). This is an emergency reserve, it does not apply to travel or large purchases. We do not use mobile applications, except for the Internet bank application. I used to use app to track expenses for several months, but I didn’t learn anything new: apart from traveling, most of all I spend on food outside the house and don’t want to refuse.
We have a "patriarchal" way of life in the family. The husband takes on most of the costs, I call it "rational must-have": rental housing, mortgage, repairs, some large household expenses. I am responsible more for the emotional components and self-development of our couple (I call it "nice to have"): theaters, exhibitions, concerts and, of course, travel planning (tickets, hotels, tours, and so on).
When we just got together (and were not yet husband and wife), we had family council. We wrote out all our monthly important expenses on a piece of paper - just renting an apartment and saving up on a down payment of a mortgage for buying a home in New Moscow. The husband pounded his fist on the table (I was a bit exaggerating, but it was about that) and said that he would take these expenses for himself and the conversation was over. I, as a strong and independent woman, wanted to argue, but changed my mind. The key point, I think, was upbringing (he simply could not imagine what could be otherwise) and, of course, the fact that my salary was much lower than him.
At that time, the main drawback of this scheme was that I absolutely did not follow where my salary went. And she left only to my wishes. I did not control my finances in any way, as there was no need for concrete spending, there was no responsibility. Not to say that I did not think about other models of budget management - I reflected a lot on this topic. I really like all these systems of three wallets, five envelopes or six jugs. They all boil down to a single meaning - savings under the scheme: long-term savings (20%), fixed payments (50%) and entertainment (30%). Now I understand that we are investing a lot in the current comfortable life, not thinking much about the future.
I work in PR and constantly budget projects of various sizes: from events to bringing lionesses to the Moscow Zoo. Excel estimates are my work tool, which I decided to use in my personal life, on all my "big projects". For example, I have an estimate for a wedding, which I carefully analyzed at the end of the event for errors and over-spending. For almost every trip I draw estimates with blocks: tickets, hotels, visas, excursions, restaurants. All this allows you to more intelligently plan the next trip and spending.
I also use the Tinkoff app, where you can track spending in all categories and adjust your behavior. I singled out my weaknesses - it’s a taxi (it's so easy and convenient, you get used to it quickly, as the comfort level of life greatly increases) and restaurants (I really like to explore new places, try different cuisines and so on).
For me, the question of money has always been very acute (many of us come from the poor nineties) and at the same time as simple as possible: if they are, we must dispose of them, discuss and not be silent in vain. When my current relationship began, my partner and I were still quite young: I graduated from the university, but he did not study at all and did not work. We had a cat wept for our money, and basically they were “mine” - I did not write it in quotes for nothing, because I did not work, so my parents covered all the ridiculous expenses that I could have. Then the work came from my young man, and I, on the contrary, found myself in a position of a dependent - and so on. From the very beginning, we secretly decided that since we have a common life, then money is common, and whoever can bring it to the family.
More than seven years have passed, we managed to live apart, with our parents, finally together; Some of us remained without work, changed it — circumstances varied, but one thing remained the same: we spent money together. I see no reason to separate them: how modern prices and wage levels are formed in relation to the work done or the services offered can hardly be called “fair,” which means that the division loses a little sense. I believe that if you are ready to take care of each other, spending your moral and physical strength, it is not clear why money should be in a special position. It seems to me that building money in a cult is very dangerous - it’s just another resource at your disposal, and if you’re ready to wash dishes for another and listen to your partner when his soul hurts, then why are you holding onto your personal finances? The approach of "personal" and "general" spending surprises me somewhat. I do not understand why in the value system products should stand higher than a manicure campaign. As for me, both are equally important, and you should not be ashamed of the fact that you spend common money on yourself - in the end, you respect each other's needs.
We are not too pumped up guys in terms of technologies for maintaining a joint budget - we do not have a joint account (we received all the accounts at work with payroll cards and just continued to use them - we are still lazy to start something), but we have an application where to record expenses, - Spendee. So we know how much we have on all the cards (some pay comes, some freelancing), and it’s convenient for us to see how much we spend on: how much is spent on food, how much on entertainment, how much on bills or trips . We try to plan expenses as much as we can: for example, we allocate clear sums for clothes, home improvement or transportation per month and try to stick to it. It turns out when, how, but if we somehow somehow go beyond the planned money, we at least know and discuss whether we really need to do this right now or it will wait for the next month. My philosophy is that communication is paramount; and it is terribly convenient to maintain a common budget, you just need not be afraid to be open with your partner, clearly voice your desires and fears.
I am temporarily not working, and now we live on my husband's salary. We have a joint account to which two cards are tied. This allows both of them to see the amount on the account and monitor the debiting of money - for example, when I make purchases, my husband receives an alert on the phone, it is very convenient. At the same time, I have my own “pocket” money - the remaining savings plus sums donated for the holidays. I periodically spend them on what I want: beauty salons, some new clothes, courses and so on. My husband and I decided that when I again have a steady income, we will change the budget management scheme: we will save a certain percentage on each account with each salary — total, savings and personal. From a common account, we will buy products, pay for utility services, transportation, Internet, phones - that is, these are 100% monthly expenses. Savings account will be inviolable: there will be deposited funds for recreation, major purchases. Well, personal accounts, which each of us will dispose of as he wants.
Before I left work, my husband and I had experience in managing a floating budget. In other words, no scheme: one will pay for one purchase with his card, then another, then one will repay the debt for an apartment, then another. With this approach, it was difficult to track real spending, and besides, we did not record them anywhere. But at the same time, for some reason, they were sure that everything was under control. It ended with the fact that we have accumulated astronomical credit card debt, which we have hardly repaid.
The issue of budget management, we discussed with the girl at the very beginning of the relationship. In general, I believe that as soon as a relationship becomes serious, it is important to immediately dot all the money matters. The girl supported me. For some time we experimented and eventually came to the conclusion that we have common expenses, but we keep the money in personal accounts without joining the "common pot". If someone buys products in the store, then the other simply throws half the amount of the check on the card. In restaurants and cinema we treat each other or divide the bill in half.
This approach has its advantages: you can always clearly control how much money each of us has, we don’t blame each other for spending money from "common money" only on ourselves, and when we give each other gifts, there is no feeling that half of our gifts you paid for yourself. Of the minuses - it is more difficult to track savings for common goals and a little more time is required for calculations. But we learned a balanced approach to long-term planning, and the process of mutual settlements has already been worked out to automaticity. We value personal independence (including in finance), and we are completely satisfied with the chosen approach. Sometimes we discuss that it would be nice to try to live with a “common boiler”, but, frankly, we do not consider such a system effective. Probably, it would be possible to fold partially, but in this we do not see much value.
I spend the expenses in the Spendee application on the phone for about two years - it is quite visual and with very flexible settings. We try to competently approach the expenses and not buy too much - with the savings we can arrange a small holiday. Although it seems a bit tedious (as my girlfriend tells me), the main thing for a stable family budget, in my opinion, is a high-quality planning and meaningfulness of actions. We periodically review our expenses in order to understand whether they are really necessary and whether it is possible to optimize them. Much nicer to spend money on something really valuable - for example, on a joint vacation or hobbies.
We have a pretty standard story. The budget is shared. We both know who gets how much and when - we have a salary with an interval of one week: first I get the money, then my husband. From my salary, we go to the supermarket, distribute debts, buy presents (including ourselves), tickets for trips - in short, everything is most urgent. As a rule, in a week my salary practically ends, it remains only for small expenses until the end of the month - lunches and so on. Sometimes it is possible to postpone something, sometimes not - it all depends on the primary spending. With a husband’s salary, we always pay for an apartment, loans, and, accordingly, spend it on life until the end of the month (food, parties, and so on), plus postpone if it remains.
As such, we have no plan. We did not build it and did not think it through - we simply lived, spent, and expenses were distributed this way for a month. We should save, and have the opportunity to do it, but apparently, due to the lack of a clear plan, it turns out very slowly. I honestly tried once to install the application on the phone and write down every penny, but it took me exactly two weeks. And the numbers - how much I spent and how much I wrote down - did not match.
PHOTO: Andrey Popov - stock.adobe.com, Pavel Chernobrivets - stock.adobe.com, rangizzz - stock.adobe.com