Sergey Blokhin on men's treason

My freundine (girlfriend, if you like), for nothing that does not understand Russian, found a kind person who translated my previous column about life after the break with a comment: "And the guy is yours for the former dries." And, of course, there was a girl who, in the phrase "he gets the first person in bed," recognized me and myself - who else can I write about? So, when I write about myself, I try to manage with direct words, and not hide behind the phrase "one of my friends has a problem." This is a column, and here I am forced to simplify. In life, of course, everything is more complicated. Captain Obvious says this because now we are talking about betrayal - the topic is rather slippery and also full of stereotypes. One of the main things is that men change more often.

Everyone knows that in our society, male adultery, unlike female, is considered a very relative crime. The primitive nature of man condemns a woman, because in the case of treason, the head of the cave clan is not sure whose heirs he brings up. The desire to protect and not allow anyone to pollute the native incubator justifies men who have a hard time thinking that someone has been in a nest that he considers his own.

Women who support such traditions, as it were, sign a contract in which it is written on the first page that the man will provide it, warm and protect it, and on the fifty-third with a small size - that in exchange he can walk "to the left." Then she has two options in a relationship: either try so hard that it doesn’t get to fifty-three third, or just accept the fact that many do. There is also a position: "Let him do what he wants, so long as I do not know."

It turns out that women are cheated in any case.

It turns out that women are deceived in any case, and this sad picture is supported by a culture in which women's treason is a break in the pattern and Anna Karenina is under the train, and the man’s is a comic touch to the portrait.

Meanwhile, there is not a single reliable scientific study that would prove that a man needs sex more often and that polygamy is his element. This idea exists at the level of beliefs from the mythologies of the undeveloped tribes of Asia or Africa. Like, a man can not do anything with himself, obsessed with the devil. And even the latest white racists will gladly take it on board. "Traditional" in different cultures always rests on the same basic provisions.

Let's turn on the logic first. If men sleep with everyone, then where are the faithful women actually come from? Someone's mistress should be someone's wife. This paradox is particularly pronounced in the relevant anecdotes: a deceived husband who comes home to a cheating wife - together they turn out to be a background that exists only to show the lover hero in the closet in the spotlight. The focus is completely shifted to the active man. The fact that a woman changes in this situation goes into the background.

A study conducted last year by the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy reports that of all the men surveyed, 57% admitted adultery, and of all women 54%. In view of the foregoing, I would doubt the female testimony - it seems to me that it is still more difficult for women to admit to treason, and their percentage could be higher. But this is my speculation. And in fact - parity.

The situation with adultery does not depend on sex, but on the level of sexual education and experience

In fact, the situation with treason does not depend on gender, but on the level of sexual education and experience. In modern couples, the chances of leaving “left” are absolutely equal. There is only one important variable: if you have changed at least once in your life, this is no longer a matter of life or death for you.

We discussed this with Freundi immediately. By default, so to speak. The situation is not in her favor: she, unlike me, never changed. We understand that unprotected sex cannot be secret, because it puts your partner’s health at risk. And what if all the "formalities" were met? We put on honesty - and it’s not about “free relations” at all. Do I have the courage to admit treason if it happens? And if I do not want to hit into sly arguments about "what is considered a betrayal"? I have no idea yet. But I know for sure that I will not cover my similar behavior with a masculine entity and will not inflate its joint, covering jealousy with nest care.

ILLUSTRATIONS: Masha Shishova