Expectations and reality: Why are we so sad before the New Year
Probably not so much expectations are associated with any holiday.like happy new year. From TV screens and pages of magazines they call for "to believe in miracles" and "to make plans to make cherished dreams come true." Some people sincerely love the winter holidays, happy to decorate a Christmas tree and buy gifts - but what if you are not one of them? We understand why before the New Year we sometimes get depressed and sad, although we are “supposed” to rejoice - and how to take care of ourselves.
Text: Yana Shagova
Your desires do not match the possibilities
We can dream of a perfect holiday, but it is not always possible to organize it. Someone does not have enough money to buy loved ones the gifts of their dreams. Someone cannot visit relatives or friends - for example, if they live far away or interfere with other circumstances, although I would like to spend New Year's Eve in their circle. Anxiety is spoiling holidays for many people: what if all goes wrong according to the plan, someone refuses an invitation, they don’t like the presents, the ideal atmosphere at the table doesn’t work out? Many people are well aware of the feeling of FOMO, when it seems that the most interesting thing will certainly pass without you - for example, the very party that you choose will be the most boring, and real fun will certainly be somewhere else.
What to do: Relax a bit. If anxiety is your problem, perhaps you should pre-tune in to the fact that the holiday will probably pass a little differently than you expected. Nothing spoils significant events like perfectionism, because something doesn’t "work out": there is not enough money for a dream present, champagne is spilled on a dress, there will be dirty slush instead of fluffy snow or a couple of guests will fall out in dispute. Not because you are unlucky and unlucky, but simply because nothing is perfect. If you were waiting for the "perfect holiday", the mood will immediately be spoiled. But if you expect in advance just a "good", and not a "perfect" New Year - then, perhaps, the holiday will pleasantly surprise you.
You are annoyed by the "results of the year"
Every year the tradition of summing up is becoming more and more popular - and not only individuals, but also companies, publications and even corporations like Google or Facebook are doing it. Some really enjoy it: they like to remember the past year, draw a line, rejoice and be sad. These are usually those who like to structure everything, who are reassured by the lists, or those who sincerely enjoy nostalgia and shuffling through memories.
But not everyone likes this process - after all, the results of the year can remind of the failures and losses of the past year. In addition, not everyone perceives life as separate segments, after which it is necessary to “submit reports”. In addition, other people's lists "What I achieved in the past year" can cause a palette of the most unpleasant feelings, from mild irritation to despondency and the feeling that we do not correspond to the level of our environment.
What to do: Scroll through other people's results of the year or just temporarily unsubscribe from anyone who likes to publish them. Life is not a competition, and you are absolutely not obliged to produce any results in a strictly allotted period of time. Your ability to perceive life as a single process is a feature that has many advantages in the world of infinite "attainment".
You fall into childhood memories
The new year very easily brings us back to childhood memories (perhaps the only holiday that has a similar effect is the birthday). First of all, children are always looking forward to the holiday, and the most vivid impressions of it are: holidays, decorated Christmas tree, waiting for gifts, Santa Claus. Secondly, when we get older, the atmosphere itself is conducive to getting a little bit into childhood: we hope for miracles, arrange rituals at midnight, make wishes, dream of gifts. And even if we abandon the traditional celebration, we still find ourselves surrounded by acquaintances who lay presents under the Christmas tree and count the chiming clock. Exactly the same people are engaged in festive shows, advertising, and so on - from the premonition of the upcoming New Year in a big city, there is still no place to go.
But not everyone had a happy childhood, and the New Year's meeting was magical. Someone met an empty house and silence, because the adults worked or were away, others were drunk parents, someone did not receive gifts, because parents or guardians could not afford it. Some families do not celebrate the New Year for religious reasons, but the child is hard not to envy others, especially when all the friends in the yard and the school are discussing Christmas tree and gifts. Already in adulthood, the New Year's paraphernalia brings people exactly to all these dark memories.
What to do: First, regret yourself. If the memories come back, it means that you did not fully experience them. It is better to work out traumatic experiences with a psychologist, but if you want to do something right now, when there are only a couple of weeks left before the New Year, you can perform a ritual that will help you feel sad about the holiday that did not happen in childhood. You can draw the worst New Year that you had. Or write a story or a note about how, in childhood, your dreams of a perfect holiday did not come true and what happened instead. What to do with a picture or a note - to break or leave, - decide for yourself; you can come up with another, your own ritual. The main thing is not to turn away from your feelings - sadness, disappointment, anger and resentment - but give them the right to exist.
Secondly, do not deprive yourself of the holiday, if you really want it. Of course, you will not return to childhood, but you can quite arrange yourself a cheerful and warm holiday now, in adulthood. You can try to bring some pieces of your children's fantasies into it: buy a big teddy bear that you haven’t been given, bake the most delicious cake or decorate a Christmas tree in the forest.
You feel especially lonely
Winter holidays are usually held in a large and friendly company. We present the perfect picture from Christmas movies: a warm meeting of a family or friends at a set table with burning candles. But what if you can not celebrate this day with loved ones? Or do you live alone or alone and there is simply no one to meet the holiday? Many in the New Year have a sharpened feeling of loneliness: they did not call someone to celebrate anywhere, someone thinks that they have not yet met love (or just parted with a partner) and will not listen to the chiming clock, holding his or her hand.
What to do: Point one - take care of yourself. Make the holiday time as comfortable as possible for you, despite the fact that you feel lonely. For some, it means to lie under a rug with an interesting book and just like that to meet the midnight of the new year, for someone to organize a holiday for yourself or yourself, order delicious food and arrange spruce branches with balls in vases; You can even buy and pack a gift to yourself. All this does not eliminate the feelings of loneliness, but will give you the opportunity to feel that someone cares about you, and that someone is you.
Point two, optional - think about whether you want to still meet the New Year in the company. In any major city for this there are many opportunities: a variety of parties and bars, parks with a New Year's program and many other options to have fun. It is important not to expect from the new company the same warmth and homely atmosphere, as if you met the New Year with your loved ones - this is unrealistic and, most likely, will only lead to frustration. But if you are open to new experiences and new people, this New Year can be an adventure or at least an interesting experiment.
You are not at all up to the holiday
The problem of the New Year is that everyone wants a holiday, but adults still have to organize it - for themselves, family, children, friends, partner. And at the same time and finish all the work of the case, to overcome pre-holiday jobs, traffic jams and queues in stores. There is not enough time for everyone to survive all this, and then celebrate until five in the morning and be happy. Not to mention the fact that thousands of people meet this holiday at work, whether they like it or not: the surgeons or pilots do not have New Year's holidays. Parents of babies, too, rarely can afford a noisy party after midnight, even if you really want to. All this can be insulting: while everyone around is discussing where to go for the winter holidays or in what dress to unwrap presents under the Christmas tree, you know that a routine awaits you on New Year's Eve.
What to do: If you want a holiday, be sure to take care of arranging it for yourself - just remember that it is not necessary to be attached to a specific date and time. Can't celebrate at midnight from January 31 to January 1? Organize a New Year's dinner with loved ones on the New Year holidays - in our country there is a tradition to celebrate a lot and for a long time. Or, for example, put a Christmas tree for Christmas and place gifts under it. If you are the parents of an infant, arrange a New Year's breakfast with your family on the morning of the first of January - with a Christmas tree, gifts, and sparklers. It is important not to miss the holiday, if you want it, so as not to feel deprived - instead, you can creatively approach it and change the format to fit your conditions.
You do not like holidays on schedule
The New Year and other mass holidays annoy you with something. The reasons may be many. Someone feels sadness and annoyance, because the New Year in childhood for them was not at all a kind and bright holiday. Someone does not have enough resources (time, money, strength) to celebrate as we would like. Or, specifically, this year was so hard that I absolutely do not want to sum up its results and recall the past, but I want to leave it in the past as soon as possible. Or maybe you just really do not want and are not interested in celebrating a holiday at this particular time and in a form imposed by society.
What to do: Remember that you are not obligated to anyone to celebrate if you do not want to. New Year in a bed under a blanket does not make you a “strange” or “bad” person at all - moreover, thousands of people dream to meet him that way, and you are quite entitled to do the same. Difficulties may arise if you celebrate, for example, your partner, close friends or relatives want, and you understand that it is not fair to deprive them of a holiday.
In this case, there are two choices. The first is to spend New Year's Eve separately. This may be a good option if you overcome the stereotype that the family (couple, relatives, and so on) should certainly spend the New Year together. Why not? Partners can agree on everything that is convenient for them and does not hurt both. There are ten days of vacation ahead for you to plan joint business. There is a second option if the first one fails for some reason: go with a partner, but treat the New Year as an ordinary party. Not everyone wants to wait for magic or some special atmosphere from a holiday, it is enough just to drink champagne and chat with friends. Characteristically, the holiday is usually the more pleasant, the less miracles are expected from it.
Photo: Ruth Black - stock.adobe.com, soupstock - stock.adobe.com
