Big, small, asymmetric, tubular: Girls about taking their breasts
Breast prosthetics to increase or change shape remains the most popular plastic surgery. And even those who are against the pursuit of conventional beauty, they sometimes say that correcting the “obvious defect” is quite another matter. A defect, however, is often understood as not a functional problem affecting health and well-being, but simply a more pronounced deviation from the usual ideas about "aesthetic". When others constantly pay attention to such a feature, it certainly can also negatively affect the quality of life. We talked with several heroines who accepted and fell in love with their breasts, although we had previously thought about operations.
Olga Lukinskaya
Maria
Suicidegirls site model
Since childhood, I have noticed that my mom's chest is not round, as in the pictures, but with such tubes hanging down. It seemed to me ugly - I thought it was somehow related to the age or birth of the child. When my chest began to grow, my mother at one point said: "It is a pity, but you have it like mine." There was a complete feeling that it was terrible, I was afraid that the chest would grow bigger and hang.
In adolescence, my friends and I were not shy about our bodies, we discussed breasts and bras. There was one tall girl with big breasts among us, and she directly said that everything was “somehow wrong” with me. Girlfriends echoed: "That guy will appear, and what will he say?" I complexed, believed that my chest was "dumb", pressed down to make it "round". I tried to sleep in a bra, although, of course, it is ineffective. I also had such a site of Formspring opinions - I still remember how someone wrote anonymously: “You have sour underdeveloped boobs”. A friend joked about the hanging gardens of Semiramis. In general, then I decided that when I grow up, I will definitely put in implants.
When there was a financial opportunity to have an operation, it no longer seemed so important to me - I was able to accept myself. From the age of fifteen, I knew about the Suicidegirls site, which appeared in the early 2000s as an alternative to Playboy and traditional ideas about beauty. I have always loved photo shoots, vivid images, I realized that I wanted to act. I have piercings and tattoos, and at seventeen I decided to pierce the nipples in the hope that they would shrink and become smaller. My friend, the surgeon, was piercing, and he did not say a word that something was wrong with his chest. Yes, I had to twist my nipples so that they "stood up" - otherwise there was nothing to catch on. I am very pleased with the piercing, my chest with it, in my opinion, has really become more beautiful.
Having moved to Moscow, I met with models with a tattoo and piercing and started shooting for that very site. I remember that during the first photo shoot I was very shy and all the time I opened the windows so that the nipples would shrink from the cold - but the photographer did not say a word about it. The pictures went to the site, and I also did not see a single negative comment. None of my men, not one of the female models - no one criticized my appearance. I had confidence in myself, I began to act nude, fell in love with my body.
A couple of years ago I had money, and I decided to make a round chest - it was not a dream or goal, I just thought, why not. The first surgeon said that he would not undertake: a tubular breast, a difficult case, you cannot get off with a simple implant placement. Others said that they are ready to undergo surgery, but it will not be easy: you need to adjust the shape of the nipples and asymmetry, but the result can still be disappointing, because the chest is wide apart because of the position of the muscles. As a result, since the complexes were long gone, I changed my mind about the operation.
I love my chest, it is proportional to the body, although it is asymmetrical, does not cause problems, does not shake in the gym - I can not wear a bra at all. Sensitivity is also fine. Marilyn Monroe had a similar conical chest - so I do not worry, although I have never seen other girls with such a breast myself. One friend with the usual round shape says that my very beautiful, "naturally hanging". It's amazing and nice to hear that from a girl.
Alexandra
photographer
As soon as my chest grew, I immediately realized that it was different from what I saw in the locker rooms - mine was with stretch marks and significantly different shapes. It was said that with age everything will change, but in the end the breast remained the same as it was in my sixteen years. On the one hand, I read a lot about the fact that almost everyone has asymmetry, but on the other hand, I haven’t even seen such an option as me, even in pictures that illustrate the difference.
I have always been terribly worried that I have a “strange” chest - we all remember this terrible information environment of the end of zero, which did not leave a chance to look unconventional and be content with yourself? Eyebrows on the pattern, perfect manicure, heels, underwear only with a set (I remember very well the discussion in the women's community in LiveJournal, “how much you need to dislike yourself to wear panties and a bra of different colors”). And then there is the chest, under which - a quote from the magazine - you need to put a pencil in order to check the "drooping". If you do not fall - write gone! In general, it was painful for me to realize that “something is wrong” with me. Dresses with an open back, I did not even measure - it seemed that it was only for girls with the first size, aspiring to heaven. I didn’t go out without underwear, which is also a quest, if you have one and a half size difference. It became a little easier when I switched to sports bras and realized that it was not necessary to endure pain, inconvenience and stitching straps.
I must say that in all my life almost no one allowed himself to be offensive comments on this issue. I remember two cases - when a friend, discussing me, mentioned "saggy tits of different size" (they gave me) and when the man to whom I complained said: "That you are, on the contrary, great, you can imagine that you are simultaneously with two different women ".
I consoled myself with the thought that when I grow up, have a child, I will earn enough and other circumstances will coincide, I will definitely do the operation. Last year everything coincided, I went for consultations to two doctors and warned my husband that I would be operated on by the end of the year. And then I realized that no, I will not. Perhaps from the same feeling of protest, thanks to which I am not ashamed to undress in front of the lens. Perhaps because I have a sound body-positive environment. Or because the agenda has changed and the appearance of women has finally fallen behind. Or because after I moved from Russia to Serbia, learned a new language, completely changed my surroundings, gave birth to a son and opened a small business, I finally realized that the shape of the chest is not what defines me.
In the same summer, I made myself a challenge, refused a bra, sewed a sundress with a cut-out back to the waist and began to follow the reaction of others. And then a surprise was waiting for me - there was no reaction, except perhaps close friends told me a couple of times: "Wow, a dress on a naked body!" I realized that, firstly, everyone doesn’t care, and secondly, even if you look closely, you can only see the fact of the presence or absence of linen, and nobody notices the nuances of the form. I was surprised to realize that now I perceive it not as a physical defect, but simply as a fact: leg size is 38, height is 164, eyes are gray, chest is different.
Ekaterina Khripko
journalist
My chest grew when I was thirteen, and I am small in size - thin and low. The bust looked very noticeable and attracted attention. Given that I was still a child, I was ashamed of my own sexuality. When walking, everything was shaking, I keep quiet about physical education lessons. Surrounding constantly something said about the chest, some boys tried to grab it, then primitive tackles began. At sixteen the chest grew to a cup D.
I can not say that the discomfort was very strong - when I grew up a little, I even became pleased with the attention. But until the age of eighteen, I was still embarrassed to look at myself in the mirror without a bra, and if I did, I thought that I was not so “lucky” as others think. Against the background of thin shoulders and waist, big breasts looked even bigger - and this disproportion seemed ugly. I didn’t seriously think about reducing through the operation.
Then I got the first guy - he really liked everything, but it seemed to me that it was because he liked me. When another man said this, I thought that everything was not so bad. I began to buy more fitting clothes, comments on my appearance were flattering. At twenty-three, I met with one photographer - he proposed photography with a touch of erotica. I was confused, but agreed, because, like many, she secretly wanted to be "a beauty with fashion photos." At the same time, she still looked in the mirror with embarrassment - it seemed to me that the chest was hanging, and in vain I started everything.
As a result, in the photo it turned out to be round and quite tucked up - I viewed my reflection from the same angle and understood that this was not a photoshop. I realized that all my complexes were made up, and the fact that in the lower part the chest is fuller than on top is normal. Later, I turned a little over, and I posed naked for several more people. I began to undress easily and confidently, saying that for me it was as natural as blowing my nose. In this case, I still complained that the chest could stand higher, and the press to be ... in general to be! But I accepted my body - I realized that there are no perfect people. Now I have tied up with the shooting - I got sick and no longer want someone else to look at me. But I look at my chest with pleasure, I adore my body, and I close my eyes to small "flaws".
Daria
My chest began to grow at about twelve, like all girls in the class, and at fifteen it stopped. My size is incomplete first. As a teenager, I tried to choose lingerie with a big push-up to be "like everyone else." I also looked very flat because I was always thin, but the bottom outweighed the top. I am very grateful to my mother for support during this period of life - she helped me with the choice of clothes, found things that did not focus on the upper body and emphasized the bottom. Both mother and close friend persuaded me that "shape is more important than size." For inspiration, I watched movies with Kera Knightley and tried to convince myself that with small breasts you can look elegant.
From relatives and friends, I almost always heard that I was “fragile”, “elegant”, “thin” and so on; “thin” was a neutral word, unvalued. But not the closest people, for example, my grandmother's girlfriends in the country, always said at the meeting: "Oh, how thin you are." I was annoyed and offended. I read a lot about plastics, and almost everything terrified me: I am afraid of any interventions, especially if there is no urgent need for them and medical indications. In addition, I can not imagine something foreign. With plastic, I would lose myself.
Every time I had a relationship with a young man, I was terribly afraid that he would see me naked and leave. But this never happened. With time and experience, I began to realize that the complexes were only in my head. With the advent of true love - my husband - the worries about the small breasts disappeared. He loves me and accepts me as I am, praises and appreciates, sincerely admires my figure. I am very grateful to him and, of course, to my mother, who supported me.
Lingerie was not easy before: I was looking for bras with bones and foam rubber, but my chest did not fill the cups. Now I wear thin and soft lace bodices with almost no lining, and in some clothes I feel completely comfortable without linen. I became more sincere with myself.
Nastya Kurganskaya
editor leading the podcast NORM
My chest all my life ranged from zero to the first size, depending on the total weight. It is not that completely flat, but I never caught the notorious admiring glance on my decollete. The average weight is sixty-five kilograms, I am tall and wide-shouldered, that is, I do not have the general slenderness that would "justify" the absence of the breast. In Dovlatov in one of the books it is written that all fat women with a small bust are liars. For many years I think that if we were acquainted, I would not really like him.
Breast is the most vulnerable part of the female body. Only the genitals are probably more vulnerable, but, fortunately, the general public does not claim the right to discuss them, because it does not see them. But the chest is a ticket to the world of big femininity, loaded with numerous meanings. And if you do not have it, then the relationship with this femininity will be particularly difficult.
When I was sixteen years old, I, like many teenagers, did not like myself from top to bottom - and the disproportion between a large bone and a flat chest seemed like a disaster. I wanted to be "perfect" in someone's eyes, and I balanced round hips with bras a size larger and some kind of monstrous push-ups. It lasted for five or seven years - until I read the first book in a life of a near feminist orientation. In general, it became clear that this humiliating lie is not necessary neither for me nor for people. The last three years, I do not wear bras in general, with the exception of very decorative. Many articles have already been written about how convenient this is, so I will not dwell on this.
When I was nineteen years old, my then boyfriend joked that when we get married and he gets rich, we "make me breast." A terrible joke, today I would answer it very hard, but then I laughed. It is sad to think how many women laugh every day in response to the condescending smiles of their partners. In this case, the most difficult thing with a breast that does not suit you is having sex. When you undress in front of a new person, you can’t get rid of the thought that right now he is analyzing your appearance. You try to choose only certain positions and you do not like it when your chest is touched. The chest is a powerful erogenous zone, but neurosis is stronger than the desire to get pleasure.
I began to work with these and other unpleasant symptoms of rejection of separate parts of my body relatively recently. It is monstrously difficult: the idea of one’s own incompatibility with images from porn films sits very deeply, as if it were sewn under our skin. But a couple of years ago I had a partner - a very loving and sensitive guy - who suddenly made a compliment to the shape of my chest. It was unusual and pleasant, I thought about it and since then I began to look at myself in the mirror a little differently. In my practice, a regular exercise appeared: when you undress, you do not need to strive to immediately evaluate your reflection. You can look, note the features, look for the unusual, get used to this body - but not color what you see emotionally. It’s harder to do such an exercise than to describe, and I’m getting far from every day — but with this simple experience began my realization that my chest is not only the size, but also the shape. And yes, I like her.
And at sixteen, and at nineteen, I was sure that someday I would definitely have a breast augmentation surgery. A few years later, this thought seems to me uncomfortable. My beliefs today do not allow us to admit that I interfere so much in my body to please patriarchal standards. Although for sure it would be much easier to relax during sex - but can I really say with confidence that I would do such an operation for myself? No, I can not say so.
I think, in an ideal world, any serious surgical intervention for the “improvement” of appearance should be solved, resembling psychotherapy. Our relationships with our bodies and faces are reflections of complex processes that go deep inside. The need for love and someone else's assessment, an attempt to identify oneself through belonging to communities, the fear of condemnation, a depressing social circle - it would be good to begin to unravel these tangles before transferring money to the surgeon. But I really respect women, whom the operations have brought harmony with themselves - I think in honest admission to myself that you will be comfortable only in this body and in no other, there is a lot of power.
I also think that building relationships with myself is an interesting journey. Yesterday, I was skeptical about my chest, today I feel comfortable with her and she teaches me a different aesthetics. Suddenly tomorrow I will learn to adore her? With some parts of the body this focus rolled. In the end, it’s easy to love yourself when you fit into a standard - it’s much more difficult to consider yourself attractive without being in the convention. I have always seemed to be cool not "ideal" women, but those about whom they usually say something in the spirit of "not pretty, such a big nose (" strange voice "," a little bit in the body "," no chest "and so on) but do not take your eyes off. " Always wanted to be just like that. Confidently wearing a non-standard figure is a challenge. And in this period of life, I am interested in taking it.
Margarita Virova
Wonderzine editor
The size of my chest now is 65 EF, and it began to grow when I was eleven (!) Years old. For me it was not a special event, I was more interested in the books and the TV series “Charmed”. But my friends and classmates began to pay excessive attention to this. Когда к четырнадцати годам грудь была уже заметно большой, дискомфорт от обсуждений достиг апогея. Стоит добавить, что я никогда не пыталась зарабатывать очки для роли школьной красотки и ею не считалась, но это не мешало ровесникам знать меня исключительно как "тёлку с сиськами" и, общаясь со мной, расспрашивать меня только об одной части тела. В общем, я тогда решила, что окружающие - придурки, но старалась лишний раз не акцентировать наличие у меня большой груди.
The complexes came later when I discovered the magical world of porn, gloss and other spheres of objectification of the female body. Of course, my chest does not look like the fruits of the surgeon's efforts. In addition, it was around that time that I encountered other people's ideas about how breasts look like "should": girls inappropriately sympathized with how difficult it was for me, poor thing, and some guys considered it their duty to inform you that I have a lot of secondary sex characteristics. I cried a lot because of my reflection in the mirror and because of such excessive attention, it seems that I decided that in all my troubles my whole chest was to blame.
Honestly, I personally like the way my body looks, and more often I just don’t think about it - I started a surgery three years ago with tears and dreams to save up for an operation. I do not think that a big breast is a curse or a gift of God. Yes, I can not walk without a bra, and their manufacturers obviously do not know anything about the existence of people of my proportions, but this year I started to wear only sports underwear, and there is no problem anymore. It is necessary to engage the back muscles - well, great, I love yoga. I have no desire to change something in myself, because I think that under all the complexes about the exterior, some more complex problems in relations with myself are often hidden. At least that was the case in my case: when I dealt with most of the problems in my head, I just almost stopped thinking that something was wrong with my body.
True, I still go more often in clothes that cut the “potato bag”, because it seems to me that the size of my chest is unnecessary information that you shouldn’t tell to everyone I encounter.
Photo: Bea bellingham