I have been living without a front tooth for almost a year and have learned a lot
I have been walking for nine months without a front tooth. The dentist calls him twenty first, I don’t call him at all - he simply doesn’t. Once in my childhood I had exactly the same nightmares. The most frequent question that is asked to me is about everyone with whom I communicate: "Where is the tooth? What happened?" The story is unhappy and uninteresting. I tell you that milk fell. In the mood say that knocked out.
It all started thirteen years ago. They crashed into me when I was driving a circuit. Uncle safely wiped my blood, bought lemonade. I forgot about the tooth for ten years. Then there were glasses, large apples, glasses and my awkwardness - all together led to a dental accident. Under the anesthetic and with a strong headache, I crawled to an unfamiliar tooth near the house. The dentist did not understand how I was still alive. The inflammation has reached the nose and the adjacent teeth. The doctor generously said: "Well, tomorrow you would definitely not have come to me. Tomorrow you would be buried."
The operation lasted several hours. At the end, I rubbed my face with white napkins that turned red. They said that about a year I will walk without a tooth. Ahead is the buildup of gums, bone tissue, the three stages of the operation and other "joys" of the tooth fairy.
The first three days after the operation, I did not go anywhere. No strength, no desire, no confidence - there was nothing. She was afraid of mirrors. I was glad that in four weeks I should have been given a prosthesis - a “butterfly” tooth. During the day I had to wear it, and at night to take it off, put it in a velvet box - and I was going to return for recycling in the end.
I remember how I smiled and caught the frightened look of the lady. Compassion, fear and pity - all this was in him
When it came time to go out for the first time, I cried. I was swallowed by a feeling of my own inferiority and embarrassment. This went on for four weeks, until I was given a false tooth. I asked the sellers for milk, dropping my head and covering my mouth with my hand. She stopped looking people in the eyes and smiling widely. In principle, she stopped smiling. There were many working meetings with new people and long conversations. I came, apologized for the lack of a tooth. I remember how in the last days of a four-week toothless, I forgot about the "shcherbinka". Smiled and caught the frightened look of the ladies. Compassion, fear and pity - all this was in him.
With friends, I also could not relax. Even worried that someone would stop communicating with me. Now it seems ridiculous, but then I could not sleep at night because of this. The feeling of awkwardness did not give rest. With the closest in four weeks, we lived through all the stages - from denial to accepting my toothlessness. I cried and worried, and my friends tried to support them with the words: “Very soon this nightmare will end. Wait a couple more weeks.” Of course, it did not reassure me. But no one stopped being friends with me.
Close ones saw what a hell it was for me. A friend admitted that because of my situation, he is even more afraid of going to the dentist - suddenly a similar nightmare awaits him. At the end of the long-awaited fourth week, we welcomed the new plastic tooth and let out jokes about "kisses with a toothless". Together we were glad that soon I would look the same. Then no one said how I was going to be without a tooth. And if they said, I would take it for a hard mockery.
October. Finally I was given a plastic tooth. He looks so much like my real ones! Yes, I immediately began to feel beautiful. The feeling that has made the way from a slop in a decent person. She learned to smile again. The only thing - it became very uncomfortable. With any bite the tooth fell out. I also managed to postpone the second stage of the operation for two months - I was afraid of pain and memories. By the way, dreams of teeth I still dream about. Different nightmares, it hurts everywhere, scary everywhere.
March. Again, cut the gum. The dentist took the butterfly tooth, said that I would need a month to go without him. The next day, with sixty people, was waiting for me at the office. The story from the past was repeated: I come and talk shyly, covering my mouth with my hand and not looking people in the eyes.
I still do not understand how, but sharply, one day I felt terrible fatigue. I'm tired of hiding. I remember my thoughts: maybe someone will accept me like a human being? It’s not for nothing that they teach in childhood: the main thing is what kind of person is inside. That day a click in me. I allowed myself to smile. Once I walked around the city. I was horned from the car, as in a cheap ugly film. I smiled with a wide smile, the man looked at me and was frightened — he pressed the gas and left. It became my favorite activity: to bare the gums and watch the wild transformation. The person loses his balance, and then either glances with fear, or nods approvingly.
One friend decided that I purposely pulled out a tooth - as far as she said, I was going
Every day in different forms, from anxious-tactful to boorish and mocking, they ask me about the tooth. Recently, a photographer of one porn magazine stopped me on the street with a request to pose for publication. I smiled, but for some reason he felt embarrassed. He apologized and ran away. Three months ago, I voluntarily gave up a plastic tooth and during that time I learned how to accept any reaction. She stopped being ashamed of her appearance and even found beauty in her. After that, I began to receive compliments and an amazing reaction: "I would not be able to walk, you are so well done!" The flaw that I carry with me has become a kind of identification mark.
Some friends insist that I not insert a permanent tooth. One friend decided that I specifically tore him out for myself - as she said, she was coming to me. At the same time, parents worry that I walk without a tooth. Mom called me and with anxiety in her voice asked me to wear plastic: "Understand, the girl should be beautiful. I can't look at you without pain."
The most unpleasant situation occurred recently. At the party, the photographer approached me: "Oh, I did not think you were without a tooth!" - he delighted in photographing me, having previously asked to smile. There is a photo report, and there I am with a tooth. I gave him a photo shop. And if I were without a hand, I would have it sewn? I was very upset. I learned to accept myself half a year later without a toothlessness, and it was not easy - although now, seeing my smile, you can’t say that she was the cause of complexes and self-doubt. And the photographer inserts a tooth in my photoshop and writes: “You are coming with a tooth. I, probably, inserted it at a subconscious level. I didn’t know how important it is to you”.
Don't know if he should have thought for me? We say: "Be natural, value yourself." But in reality, the love story for yourself is about the connection of an individual with society as a whole. You can talk about the support of the environment and self-love, but until the end it is impossible, as long as you insert teeth into Photoshop without asking.
Soon the third stage of the operation. I will have a permanent front tooth inserted, but I will not feel more beautiful about it. The essence is not in the tooth, as it turned out. The essence is in the ability to accept oneself - in the form that has been your greatest nightmare since childhood.
Photo: alexsivtsova / instagram
