"Ex-Boyfriends": Portraits of Former Lovers

Every day photographers around the world looking for new ways to tell stories or to capture what we previously did not notice. We choose interesting photo projects and ask their authors what they wanted to say. This week we are publishing the project “Ex-Boyfriends” by an American photographer and curator Laura Beth Reese, who tried to restore lost intimacy with former lovers through photography. Some of the heroes refused to film themselves, but instead agreed to photograph Laura.

My life has always revolved around loved ones, they are my main driving force. In high school, I often photographed friends on disposable soap dishes. It was important for me to document what is happening and to have some kind of physical evidence of everything I do. It is not surprising that I came up with a project about former lovers - they all occupied an important place in my life. After each parting, for some time I feel a feeling that life is over, I am no more. I feel the same at times when I have no one.

Memories are all that remains to us from a relationship that has ended. I wanted to make an Ex-Boyfriends project because I had too many such memories and I couldn't get them out of my head. Today it is generally difficult to forget about former lovers, given that Facebook and instagram remind them of their existence almost every day. On the other hand, I never really wanted to forget my ex and everything that we went through. Our joint experience has shaped me as a person, so I am grateful to social networks for the constant reminders of the old days, even when it comes to not the most pleasant memories.

Fortunately, I have friendly relations with the former, and with some we constantly communicate until now - I offered them to participate in the project "Ex-Boyfriends" first. I had to make a Facebook account in order to find those with whom I did not communicate with the school. In general, social networks, e-mail and SMS have become important tools in the work on the project.

The former responded to my proposal in different ways: someone asked me with interest about the motives; others didn’t care what motivated me, but they happily agreed to participate; others refused without explanation. In each case, I had to adapt to their reaction. Most wanted to know more about what this shot would be, discuss the details and find out all the possible details. In the end, the project turned out about how to find a common language with former lovers after a while, and not about our past relationships. I asked them to pose for me in my underwear, and thus try to restore the closeness that had once been between us. Many did not like it at all. I think some have decided that I want to sleep with them or restore our relationship, and therefore refused to participate. Now I am working on a text that will accompany the photos and, I hope, will allow a better understanding of the meaning of this project.

While working on the project, I thought about the double standards that society imposes on men and women when it comes to the number of former lovers. On the other hand, imagine if I really were a man and took pictures of my ex boyfriends. I am sure that the result would have been completely different and the project would have been criticized much more than it is now. In this scenario, I even have to hand the fact that I am a woman and in my hands the camera. Starting work on the project, I perceived it as a feminist act, as an opportunity to regain the power lost in a broken relationship. I thought that I would completely control the situation during the shooting, and the former would do everything I said and needed. Ironically, everything turned out exactly the opposite: the participants did not hesitate endlessly, we coordinated every step and I never knew what photos would come out in the end. So the project, invented as a story about the struggle of the sexes, turned into an attempt by two people to restore lost intimacy with the help of photography.