Checklist: 6 signs that you are self-centered
Text: Yana Filimonova
It is hardly necessary for someone to explain who the egocentric is: we all met people whose picture of the world is built exclusively around themselves. Egocentrism is usually the result of a development trauma: such a person has not developed or has not fully developed an understanding that other people are separate individuals with their feelings. It is difficult for an egocentre to accept someone else's point of view, he sincerely believes that he knows better how to live around - and at the same time he believes that if he tries hard, he can change them. We tell how to understand that you are self-centered and what to do about it.
1
Other people's motives are mysterious to you.
Accordingly, the actions of others are a surprise for you - often unpleasant. A good friend did not call for the wedding - and this causes an insult, and most importantly, a painful surprise: what is it all of a sudden? There are absolutely no episodes taken into account when, for example, you unflatteringly responded to her boyfriend, or when she sighed over a picture of a divinely beautiful dress, and you casually threw out: "Well, this, of course, is not with our figures and not with our income. And the dress is beautiful, yes. " And a friend with her "imperfect" partner and an "imperfect" figure is getting married, and you are mad and not understanding.
Since the egocentric does not have the habit of taking into account the feelings of other people, the connection between his own behavior and the actions of others disintegrates. So, the conclusions and judgments about the actions of others (and the reaction to them) are more often structured as follows: if they do this to me, then I will do to them accordingly - while the person does not take into account at all, which led to the situation. It is clear that this does not solve the problem.
2
You love to argue, and your friends, it seems, no
Nobody likes to argue with egocentrics. First, they argue, only to prove their case and assert superiority over the interlocutor. But the real discussion is, after all, an exchange of views, necessary in order to clarify the point of view of the interlocutor and find out what it relies on and how it was formed.
Secondly, an egocentric can lead very tough and exhausting debates without sparing the opponent's feelings. And not to notice that it is probably difficult for the second person to speak on emotionally abusive topics: abortion, emigration, political regime, discrimination, war, and so on.
3
You are constantly worried that something was thought wrong about you
Oddly enough, the other side of egocentrism is painful suspiciousness. Ideally, by the age of twenty to twenty-five, when the personality is already formed and the teenage experiences are left behind, people find that others most of the time think about themselves, and not someone else. But since the egocentric has not yet parted with the idea that everyone is busy with his persona, he is in constant tension.
Indeed, if we assume that the thoughts of people around are focused on us, then it becomes unsafe to live: you need to watch every word, step and facial expression, and after a long time to calculate the consequences of what was said and done.
4
Periodically, you are so bad that you become ruthless towards yourself and others
Self-centered people are not angry, but rather severely injured. When an event touches their painful points (and this happens quite often), they become harsh, poisonous and can say a lot of unpleasant words. They themselves fall under the distribution (“I’m a terrible person and I’m not ashamed at all, I have to admit my sins”), and the interlocutor, and not always the one who hurt their feelings, can get to anyone who tries to contact them .
An egocentric at the moment of severe pain ceases to distinguish the boundaries of permissible and can go on forbidden topics, such as the illness or death of someone close to him, on the facts that the interlocutor is ashamed of, weak and vulnerable places. Then the period of repentance usually begins, but what has been said is forgotten for a long time and with difficulty.
Another type of behavior - a person at such a moment can simply go into himself, pretending that nothing happened. But at the same time, in the depths of his soul, he had already mentally broken off relations with the offender and burned all the bridges - in principle, this can happen in reality.
5
You love to give advice to others and wonder why they do not follow them.
Egocentric sincerely believes that he knows how to live other people. He perceives aggression in response to his attempts to interfere in the affairs of others with resentment, sometimes even with fury. Well-read egocentric people can “lodge” this offense beautifully and call the other person's reaction psychological resistance, unwillingness to leave the comfort zone to make life better.
Although, strictly speaking, at first it would be necessary to figure out whether a person asked for help and if he needed it in principle. Resistance to sudden attempts to intervene in life and to “fix” something there is quite a healthy thing. But to convince of this egocentric meaningless: his belief in the correctness of his own picture of the world will still be stronger.
6
In response to dislike, disagreement or neglect, you rush to prove something
Instead of quietly leaving where you are not welcome, the first thing you do is try to convince another person. Egocentrism presupposes manipulativeness, the idea that anyone can be redone if one tries well - and this means that the bad attitude of others around us can be exchanged for good, with due effort.
This is a very tempting and dangerous idea. She pushes to enter into destructive and uncomfortable relationships, choose not the best social circle, working team, bosses, and remain in this environment until they run out of power. All this time, the person has been under the illusion that if he tried enough, he would find the right arguments, choose the right tactics of behavior, others would correct and begin to treat him differently. When complete exhaustion comes, an egocentric person will wave his hand and recognize these individuals as “hopeless” —but it’s still difficult for him to give up the idea that he can control the feelings and actions of others.
What to do?
Egocentrism in certain situations can manifest itself in any person, but not in all it becomes a character trait. By the way, if you recognize yourself in at least half of the situations described, most likely you are very good and you are capable of reflection.
The path to getting rid of egocentrism is in good and stable relationships with others. Another thing is that people with the described features have a long-term relationship with difficulty: you want to jump out of them, run away or remake the second person - and it’s not easy for friends with an egocentric. You can start with regular trips to the psychologist. Although the psychological study is partly an artificial space, the ability to build relationships that has been trained there will not go anywhere in the real world.
Closer to a person at a safe pace, we gradually learn to accept his differences. Some discrepancies may seem unbearably difficult, you will want to quit and leave (“Well, is it possible to have such a political stance? How can you call your mother every day? ) said so (a) and should I communicate with him (with her) after this? "). But if relationships develop successfully, it turns out that people can accept each other’s imperfections while staying close. Then from contacts with others we begin to get more pleasure, and the contradictions and conflicts are not so much hurt.
Photo:MoMA, Serghei Velusceac - stock.adobe.com, eyeQ - stock.adobe.com