Introduction to the topic: What you need to know a beginner about BDSM
Fetishism and BDSM which year does not go out of fashion - mainly in the form of defiant clothing and vague fantasies about special sensations. In fact, BDSM practices can be painful, nasty and humiliating, which excites far from everyone, and sex in them is not at all obligatory. Therefore, those wishing to expand their sexual horizons should become familiar with the basic concepts and independently decide whether it is worth it. Even if you decide that you are not worth it, no one bothers to play a little with your already existing partner, the defiant clothing will finally do good service, and knowing the framework of the already established subculture will help you and not accidentally cross the border.
First you need to understand what BDSM is. This is a set of three abbreviations: BD - bondage and discipline, DS - Dominant-submissive and SM - sadomasochism. Each format has its own type of relationship between the Top / Top / Dominant (actor) and the bottom / bottomom / submissive (the host side). In general, databases are time-limited sessions using various practices and strict demarcation of roles. Before or after, in spite of insults and pouring wax in the process (for example), both can then go and drink tea without any inequality. "Education", fixation, sensory deprivation, role-playing games - all this refers to the database. DS implies a long-term transfer of power over all or (more often) to certain areas of life. Example: a big house boss submits to his wife in everything, including the requirement to wear thongs with pandas and go to the gym. Subordination and domination can be reduced as the bedroom, and extend to almost a lifetime. Although usually all their concerns are enough to steer the affairs of the lower out of the house.
Despite insults and pouring wax in the process, the partners can then go and drink tea without any inequality
CM - this is mainly painful effects in order to obtain pleasure. Sadists like to torment, masochists - to suffer. Masochist sometimes lower only formally. It even happens that our imaginary wife of a big boss is a masochist herself, but as the Dominant she demands from her submissive husband to beat her, sticking needles or doing something else. He may not like it, but he cannot refuse under the agreement on submission. However, more often it happens that a sadist and a masochist are more or less equal in the choice of interaction.
Of course, the BDSM-related subculture is extremely heterogeneous: the erotic exchange of power that is characteristic of DB-sessions may turn out to be unbearably dull for the SM, where they fly away from pain and its causes. Permanent relations format DS often do without physical influences in general, and if so punished, then clearly not for pleasure. In the SM, the receiving party may well command the process, and those living in a long-term DS are able not to take DB-session fans seriously every couple of weeks. Therefore, to find the "Bible of BDSM" or the present, without fools, Subject is almost impossible. The main thing that needs to be understood is the fundamental principles of BDSM, without which it turns from an exciting game into ordinary violence.
The basic rule of BDSM is called BRD and stands for "security, rationality, voluntariness." This is a tracing from the English SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consensual), misunderstandings happen, but in the mass it is perceived about equally. How to interpret these words correctly?
Security. It is understood that all parties involved will make every effort to preserve each other’s physical and mental health. Sometimes it is very difficult to avoid injuries: the ropes pinch the nerves and blood vessels, breathing games are fraught with suffocation, illiterate flogging causes damage to the skin and internal organs. Therefore, the most important thing that a sane sadist begins with is the study of anatomy and safety. Even if the lower himself wants to be given well on the head, Upper should think carefully whether he is then ready to carry oranges to the hospital or flowers on his grave.
The situation is similar with psychological practices. Humiliation and mental anguish can be a pleasure, while the lower one knows that all this is done for his sake and with an understanding of its capabilities. But if it turns out that they are actually trying to smudge him on the wall and do not embrace him after the session, the boundaries of reality become very unsteady, and not far from a mental disorder. Therefore, the principle of safety includes constant self-education and prediction of consequences - such as, for example, when practicing diving or preparing for a marathon. And who decided, without theoretical knowledge, to wave with a whip is not any Upper, but a torturer, who cannot be allowed to live to people.
Tops first learn play-piercing on oranges, then on chilled chicken, and then train on their own thigh
Reasonableness. It is understood that life is not limited to games and the participants in the process are friends with their heads. This means, for example, awareness of own responsibility for what is happening, even if you are in the lower role. For example, the principle of safety in the SM is impracticable without a sober assessment of one’s own capabilities, regular monitoring of health status and informing a partner of all potential problems. On the other hand, it is unwise to not take care of a partner: if something breaks in him, you will at least lose your partner.
Similarly, the principle of rationality implies a balance between everyday life and play. Sitting a week chained to the battery can be exciting, but going to the toilet in the place designated for this, brushing your teeth and appearing at work doesn’t hurt either. Therefore, the rejection of rationality does not always mean direct harm, but it doesn’t bring anything good to life.
Reasonableness can also be described as general adequacy and an understanding of expediency. Say, Tops first learn play-piercing (surface skin piercing with needles) on oranges, then on chilled chicken, and then they train on their own thigh. It is difficult to imagine a more effective way to accustom yourself to the use of sterile needles and timely treatment of wounds. At first glance, meaningless and non-enjoyable punctures of their own skin are a test of the ability to intelligently accompany the practice. If you don’t pass the test, take the infection to the hospital.
Volunteerism It is understood that everything that happens, even the most painful and disgusting for someone, occurs according to a mutually active and unequivocally expressed desire. This is one of the reasons why the scenarios of sessions and practices are discussed in detail in advance. Otherwise, there can always be reservations and gaming violence will turn into the present. "I do not play like that!" - about the principle of voluntariness.
From it (and from the principle of rationality) it follows that it is impossible - never and for nothing - to practice with minors, people with mental disorders and psychoactive substances. A depressed freshman after a bottle of wine is the worst option you can think of, because she is absolutely not responsible for her actions. But, paradoxically, this is exactly how the ideal BDSM partner looks in the imagination of middle-aged visionaries, which well describes their level of awareness and understanding of the subject.
One of the aspects of the principle of voluntariness is the frequent requirement that the lower partner himself asked the potential Upper for meetings or practices. Since the latter often requires the skill of manipulation, it can easily incline the former to things that are not exactly like. Even withholding information about the details of the session can be considered a violation of the principle of voluntariness. Want to hold your lower leash on the street? No question, just do not lie, that the police are definitely not interested in you. You can do anything, when both agree on it, and not in the case of a special trick of the Upper and the ability to wring out the desired.
The characteristic trance state - subspace, is enough to turn off the brain so that the lower one does not even remember about voluntariness or rationality
In addition, it must be remembered that the BDU is not a law with a clear framework, but a declaration of the BDSM community, separating it from domestic and sexual violence, and a filter on sanity. Security is not guaranteed, although it is necessary to strive for it. Reasonableness does not have formal criteria, but is always evaluated. Voluntary work is obligatory, but in which case the court will not give a damn about it. Therefore, an additional restriction in BDSM is the stop word. In most cases, the lower partner uses it if he wants to stop the game (and the upper one must stop, otherwise this, I repeat, the rapist is a vulgaris), but it is also considered normal use by Top himself or an observer present who has any concerns.
For example, the characteristic trance state, sometimes arising in the lower states - subspace, is enough to turn off the brain so that the lower one does not even remember about voluntariness or rationality. Therefore, if the observer has suspicions that the force of impact is overwhelming and unsafe, and the bottom one is not able to react in time, he takes the liberty to stop everything. However, observers nearby, and even experienced and sympathetic, rarely come across, so you have to rely on the conscience of the Upper.
But how to understand who can be trusted at least at the stage of the first acquaintance, and who looks more like a rapist or amateur to throw accusations? The most productive - to test for following the BDD. There are several signs by which, at the first stage of communication, you can understand that you should not get involved with this person. First, if he behaves when meeting you as if you are already in a thematic relationship. From the first words you are Mrs. or a miserable bedding, not Olya or Masha, who wants to meet and discuss options for continuing the acquaintance. What does it mean? Most likely, just an amateur dream about the thrill when the wife went to bed, but occasionally can speak seriously and therefore is dangerous. Such people are best avoided without exception.
It is necessary to slow down immediately if he (or she, or even they) does not want to discuss the details of the future session and informs you that you will see everything on the spot and will surely get stuck in an orgasm. Often in his version of BDSM without sex at all does not happen. In practice, this means that they want to take advantage of your inexperience and, from pleasant surprises, you are at best in the absence of fractures and sexually transmitted diseases after contact.
The bad option is people who assure that you will have real, old and hard BDSM with them, and the other pioneers do not understand anything (and at the same time came up with some kind of DRM). Simply put, you are brained in the hope of trimming under you, because nobody lining up in a queue for labor - there are not as many naive rural girls as he would like.
In no case should you mess with a man who claims that all women by nature tend to be lower
In no case should not contact the man who claims that all women by nature tend to be lower, not to mention the dangers of sadism, multiplied by sexism. At a minimum, such a person drives an ideological base for the right to drive a woman to the kitchen or bed on demand. And when the partner beats up for the dishes not washed in time, he will be sure that now everything is in perfect order, and you are a couple living in a happy DS. Although in fact he is an ordinary abuzer.
And finally, there are characters who put pressure on their fake authority - for example, they can inspire that they have brought up more than one Upper, who, before meeting him, did not even think about anything like that. This means that he considers the partner solely as a tool to satisfy his own fantasies. Ideally - to jump around him in a corset and heels and tried very hard. True, the list of his re-educated girlfriends is often also fictional.
This is not a complete bouquet of a variety of touched or simply unscrupulous types, speculating on our curiosity, but gives some idea of the diversity in opinions and attitudes towards safety, rationality and voluntariness. That is why the more extreme the desired practice, the more rational it is necessary to approach it. The more seductive an invitation is, the more questions it causes. And the main thing: it is not necessary to practice complex and unusual things in order to expand your experience. Quite interested in a new partner who can appreciate the flight of your imagination. Well, remember about the BRD.
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