The Question about collision with pedophiles
On The Question Website (Russian analogue of Quora service) a large-scale discussion on pedophilia unfolded. Site users tell how they encountered pedophilia in childhood - at the time of publication of this note, there were already more than fifty answers to the main question of the discussion in the discussion. One of the most popular and comprehensive was the commentary of producer and journalist Elena Mayorova, who spoke about her own experience and how to teach children how to protect themselves from pedophiles.
Answers to The Question do not imply anonymity, so the messages in this topic are much smaller than they could be - but they also add up to a terrible large-scale picture. Site users share stories about collisions with pedophiles and exhibitionists, including strangers, family friends, and even relatives. So, one of the users of The Question told about her stepfather who harassed her: “Matzal, seriously hoped that I would want it myself. I never resorted to violence. I told my mother — my mother told me not to provoke. I told the local police officer — I ordered to provoke, but that’s not a fact take nothing. "
Many noted that they understood what really happened, only after many years and that they could not tell their parents what had happened: “Naturally, she didn’t tell the mother either: she was afraid that they would scold me. The suggested principle“ an adult is always right, and if wrong, it's because of you "in action." At the same time, some commentators admitted that they were not ready to meet with pedophiles and did not know how to behave in order to avoid a dangerous situation. “I very much advise anyone who has children to talk with them about self-defense as early as possible,” Elena Mayorova writes. “My grandmother has trained me for three years, that is, as soon as I started talking, she explained in all possible ways who are pedophiles are very delicate, mature words, without details, but lucidly compared them with negative characters from books or with drunken people on the road who cannot control themselves. "
We publish the story of our regular columnist Alice Taezhnaya and several stories from The Question users about how they encountered pedophiles in childhood.
It is a bit scary to talk about it now, but I hated being a child also because I was some kind of magnet for pedophiles — from the age of five to fourteen years old. To be a child means to be completely dependent on adults, it does not matter at all whether you are in tune with them in your mood and desires or not, and pedophilia is the extreme of this stupid helplessness.
Once I rode the subway in St. Petersburg and found myself in a crowd of ordinary people. I do not remember how, but the hand of a man standing nearby turned out to be in my hook-shaped shorts: a quiet horror covered me, and a man, as often happens, made his face a brick. It was scary to squeal, it was scary to even speak out loud about it or move. And I squeezed his finger with all the strength of my child's fist and tried to press or scratch. In general, the metro at rush hour was some kind of adventure: adult men of a decent type were touching me on the ass literally every week. We all know that there is no such thing as victimization, but week after week I was attracted to myself by people who felt me in the most vilest way. Silence, cramping, knocking of wheels, someone’s decisive hand - in retelling it looks like a hentai plot, and it’s not by chance that in Japan with such terrible traffic in the subway there are so many stories about a girl in a short skirt who are in close proximity to other unsuspecting passengers.
When I was eleven years old, a new round of male interest began: they got to know me at exhibitions, called for a ride in a car, pestered in the city, slapped on the ass and stared at my chest, which grew up early enough and which I never learned to show. I already saw these people, I didn’t stand behind them: almost all of them were cheats and players in communication and treatment, tried to manipulate, made compliments, smiled when I was blushing, and pick-up in the most impudent way. I always had a childish face, and I’m pretty sure that I didn’t look at nineteen years old at eleven, just these people knew exactly what they wanted. Such, manipulators and operators of other people's teenage fears and complexes, I, perhaps, do not like the most. They really enjoy the advantage of their age, gender and experience, and they like to put pressure on someone's very weak feelings: flattery, deceit, threats.
In "Nymphomaniac" there is a very cool story about the exposure of a pedophile and sympathy for him, from which I was impressed by many times while watching. The main character Joe learns about a man from whom she needs to knock out money, about his interest. Sexual preferences in her arms are a tool of blackmail and manipulation, and in front of her is a rich, successful, beautiful pedophile who cries and is excited by the story about a children's swing. Joe feels affection for him because he keeps this tabooed sexuality with him all his life. Yesterday I read that for pedophiles they are going to make a doll imitating a child. Probably, this is the way to work with this problem, only childlike fright, inexperience, tension and the smell of a child’s body cannot be conveyed in a doll - and it seems to me that they attract people with such features.
When I was treated by a doctor, I told about these endless trips to me in the subway, to which I heard in response that sooner or later almost all the children survive. I was told about this by a doctor with 30 years of experience working with patients. If this is such a pervasive problem, simply tabbing this topic will not work. And I always think, what would I feel if I were a pedophile? Living with the inability to satisfy a strong sexual passion is anguish and frustration. I feel sorry for these people, I am sure that many do not choose this preference. For example, a year ago I was paralyzed by a story published on Medium: hello, I am a teenager and I am a pedophile - the article said. Pedophiles are not just sloppy guys in dirty corners - many people live with this preference.
Thank God, I did not experience harassment in the family, because I am sure that I could not refuse. My parents brought me up so much that they trusted me completely, but I know girls and boys, whom their uncles and friends of parents used to get to me - and I can say with confidence that there is a lot of pain in their hearts and anxiety and chaos in life. Of course, it’s scary and unpleasant to talk about first-person pedophilia, but when dubbing a scary memory can often turn into an unpleasant incident, of which there are many. This is the only way to solve the problem with the main taboos in modern society.
At six years old - it was a relative. I stayed overnight at their house - they, I think, took me so that my parents could take a walk, and I was shocked that a married couple put me to sleep with them and not with their daughter - the man insisted on this, saying that he was with his daughter I do not sleep well because she kicks. And they put me between husband and wife (the man lay almost naked, and I almost immediately noticed that something was starting to happen to his body). I was very scared and embarrassed, and said that I was so hot and I would not fall asleep, and lay down on the edge. Then this morning I was courting me in every possible way, but I resorted to his wife and asked some difficult question.
The second time is twelve. I remember this story very vividly, I walked along the long side of the store, it was spring. A man went to meet with ice cream, he showed me his tongue and asked me: "Do you want it, I will give you the same?" Ugly was very long afterwards.
The third time it was the father of a friend. He was much younger than mine, about seventeen years older than us with a girlfriend. And I remember how he put (!!!) his girlfriend in the store to be alone with me - like "why should you go with her, she and she alone runs away." And then he began to offer to see pornography together, stroking my back. I pretended to be a naive and stupid box and began to ask many questions (this tactic helped me out a couple of times as an adult). She reached it until a friend returned, and then refused to come to them.
It was the case. My mother and I were at my mom's second cousin's birthday party. In the village, their mothers were sisters and lived in the neighboring houses; therefore, having moved to the city, everyone continued to meet and celebrate birthdays and anniversaries.
That sister had a daughter, she was then 23-25 years old. I was six or seven. Under the pretext of "I am entertaining a child," she took me into a room and locked the door. There, she began to show me some curiosities, standing behind my back. She started stroking my back and probably doing something that wiped my memory clean. I remember that I struggled, tried to scream, run out, but the door was locked. I don’t remember the details, the memory suppressed the trauma, but I remember the general feeling of horror, so capital and oppressive. Only after I began to pound on the door with my fists, they let me out. Already drunken relatives did not notice anything. Yes, and you never know what the child yells.
Then I avoided her, tried not to be alone with her. She married, had a daughter and all that. Awareness of what happened came to me at nineteen, completely knocking me out of a rut. It was very scary and disgusting. However, a deafeningly huge feeling was lost, but the inner nightmare still makes itself felt sometimes.
My friend and I then walked around the house in the courtyard, ran either in the autumn, or in the spring hill. There were no other children with us then - probably, they went home to do their homework. My Mom let us go then for a couple of hours and looked after us from the window, preparing dinner, since the window of one of the rooms looked out into the courtyard. Suddenly, a man in a red jacket appears next to the slide and asks what class we are learning and whether we have seen the “boobs” in the toilet of the boys, as he said. We were shy, embarrassed, did not answer, but our pure reason did not even think about anything suspicious. Then the man squatted on his haunches, took a twig from a tree and began to draw lines on the ground. He draws a small one and asks: "Have you seen this size?" - we continue to be embarrassed and go about our business. Then he draws more genuinely - the same question. So he drew the size of five sticks, and as a result of our answers "no," he asked: "Do you want to see?" And, thanks to the Universe, at this moment Mom looks out of the window, sees a stranger next to us and orders us to go home quickly. Before dinner, Mom tried to talk with us about who this man was and what he wanted. We were even more embarrassed and, dropping his eyes down, said that he told us about the "pussy".
It was more disgusting, not scary, since I was not quite small and understood what was being offered to me. The first time happened when I was 10-11 years old. Just walked out of school on the second shift. Winter is dark. Suddenly some uncle comes to me. He asks how to get there and there. I answer, he realizes that he has captured the attention. And suddenly, so sharply: "Do you want to give 500 rubles?" And I almost did not see such money, we are not very good. lived. Then: "Let's just go to that house, about which I spoke ... just five minutes, that's okay ..." Then it was just terrible. “No,” I say. And he also calmly: "And you do not know anyone nearby, who would be interested in it?" I spat at him, he mumbled something there, but I did not hear, ran away.
The second time is somewhere in two years. It was already summer. I am going home. Suddenly a man catches up with me, in years already such, with gray hair in his hair, a little bit fat. Starts pestering right away. Say, let's go, gilt, you're so pretty, young, athletic. Well, it is clear that it is rich. He is dressed very well, watches are expensive. I'm trying to say that I am only thirteen. Then he says: “Well, it’s so good! Only thirteen! I’m working at the institute, but it’s summer, my students left for where, their kind old rector misses, and here you are! Well, let's go, see what kind of car!” Shows on the Nissan SUV colors exactly like his cream suit. And he already drags me by the hand !!! I was scared then, said I would scream if I did not let go. He: "What a bad, naughty girl, I just offered a little fun!" Burst out and run away. I remember everything as it was yesterday. In a shiver throws and wildly disgusting from this.
Yes, once. My parents and I went to the forest near the house for strawberries. I was then seven years old. I collected strawberries and did not even notice how far I left my parents, but I knew where the house was and they did not worry about the fact that I was far from them. Nearby is a trail, which is usually all local walk. And here I am, I sit in the grass and pick berries in a bucket. And while noticing someone's look at yourself. I raise my eyes and see that a bald man with an animal's look stands on the path, holds in his hand 500 rubles and stares at me. I looked at him and did not understand what he wanted from me, but when he began to make movements with the pelvis back and forth, I understood everything. I felt nasty about all this ... I shouted: "Mom!" And he rushed to the side where she was picking berries, and the man just left.
I was going home from school, I was seven or eight years old. I was walking by my yard, a car stopped nearby, my uncle leaned out and offered to give me a lift. I refused, then he began to promise to treat sweets, I said: "Thank you, but I have already come," and went to the entrance. I was not at all frightened and even regretted that the uncle did not arrive early. If he offered to sit in the car at the school, I would have sat down. Only later, when they began to tell us stories on OBZh with exactly the same wording about candy and “give me a lift”, I realized that, generally speaking, it was dangerous.
There are a lot of answers - and this is terrible. And, it seems to me, the worst stories remain behind the scenes, because communication on The Question does not imply anonymity, but here is the topic.
Here are two stories from my childhood. The first occurred when I was four years old. I was resting in the village, I had a friend of my age, a neighbor boy. The village is small, we knew everyone on our street and in the neighborhood. Once we went to visit our neighbors, an elderly couple. We often visited them: we drink some milk, then we stroke the goats in the yard. Their children and our parents were friends all their life, they studied together. Almost kin, a word. The grandmother was not at home, and the grandfather called me to "watch the chicken." My friend went to the chickens, and my grandfather held me and began to paw. I remember misunderstanding, shock and a feeling of disgust. Since then, began to avoid him. She didn’t say anything to anyone - unfortunately, children rarely find words to share and are somehow ashamed. So he gets away with it ((Many years later, as a teenager, he kicked him in trifles: I remember how they zaskali me, shamed for my behavior. He was in the village like: zinger, with a sense of humor.
And the second story happened at sea. I was fifteen, looked younger. She loved to walk in the mornings alone along the beach, collecting shells. At this time there was engaged in the group "Golden Age". Once their coach, grandfather, came up to me and began to talk about something. I didn’t understand what I was talking about, I was wary only at the last sentence: “... they usually work on themselves and in five minutes they drain the water, but I’m not at all like that, you know?” When I realized what he was talking about, I became infinitely disgusting. I still remember that feeling.
I sincerely sympathize with all those who have left a trauma or sediment from such meetings. Alas, a lot of pedophiles. I thought about it only when my children appeared ...
You can read the entire discussion on the site.The question.
Photo: cover photo via Shutterstock