Nothing less: Daddy twins about personal experience
The appearance of a child turns family life upside down. It no longer has room for parents' selfish habits, and free time is no longer so free. Imagine what happens when there are two or three children. Family life turns into a well-coordinated teamwork or even a special operation, where everything depends on the actions of each participant. In the new world, the upbringing of children is no longer considered solely as a woman’s business, fathers are increasingly taking care of children on equal terms. We talked to the fathers of twins and triplets about what it is like when there are several children at once, how parental responsibilities are distributed, what is most difficult, and what is the main joy in fatherhood.
fell asleep and they brought them to me. These were two very red, strangely swarming alien lumps. I remember that it was a moment of some kind of connection with the cosmos. I took one in one hand, the other in the other, noted to myself that one had lighter hair and another had darker hair. As if you are flying with a parachute, at the moment of free fall, when you are breathless.
I was shocked that they were born completely different in character, and nothing could be done about it. These are two completely different personalities, and they relate differently to the world and people. If Sonya is very important physical contact, she is a loving girl (she is generally about all kinds of love for the world), she is interested in everything that happens around, she practically does not think about herself at all, then Lisa is her complete opposite. She cares what she looks like, how she dresses so that she is in the center of the frame.
Here, for example, the moment in which the difference of characters was clearly manifested. I was given a gift on the TV channel "Rain" - a program dedicated to my 50th birthday. As a surprise, the last interviewers were my girls. As it turned out, Sonya first read everything, then repeated, memorized and walked clearly on the questions prepared. Lisa refused to prepare, so basically she was in a state of free creativity and came up with questions herself in the process.
We live with a magic nanny - with two children is impossible without a nanny who lives with you around the clock. She has been with us for many years, the girls in her do not care. My time is a weekend when we can spend the whole day with them, for example, riding scooters or bicycles in Gorky Park or the Hermitage Garden. In summer, of course, there is more time, you can live in the country, outside the city. As for routine, we have a creative family. My mother is a documentary filmmaker, and I work on radio and television and play in the theater. Therefore, we have to spin - who will be home faster this evening and read to the children for the night.
With the advent of children came the meaning of life. This is commonplace, but the way it is. Because of the children, I can’t listen to loud music at home anymore - this is the worst loss. But on the other hand, I was enriched with fundamentally new knowledge - all the soundtracks from children's cartoons. And, of course, there was a desire to get home from work as quickly as possible, so that they could read before bedtime or be together.
For me the most difficult thing is to build relationships with them as with self-sufficient personalities, that is, to avoid both excessive edification and excessive guardianship. In this regard, we are firmly determined: we want to educate self-sufficient free people. But at some point, a touchy child turns on in me, who starts to prove something, to defend.
For example, our last conflict was associated with adhesive tape. We went to the movies. Since Lisa is very important how she looks, she refused to have sandals that fit her and decided to wear shoes that she turned out to be a little small. On the way back, I saw that she was coming from the cinema to the house on tiptoes - she had torn off the skin on her heel. We had to go home in order to lubricate the heel with iodine and stick adhesive tape. But Lisa categorically refused to do it, because it is ugly. And then for an hour I tried to get her to stick a band-aid. I drew her pictures of how wild scary microbes crawl into this wound, her leg swells, she begins to temperature. I threatened her that we would not go to the country. I threatened that our vacation would collapse due to the fact that her leg was inflamed. In the end, I said that they would cut off her leg if she did not put on a band-aid. Nothing worked.
After about an hour, Lisa condescended and said: "Well, glue." We stuck a band-aid, and everything went fine. But we lost an hour - because of one small strip of adhesive plaster in the middle of the day, all plans were destroyed. And I have not found a way to reverse this situation or correct it. You could just say: "Do you want a band-aid? Please. You will learn from your own mistakes." Then I thought back to this and thought: I shouldn’t have to insist. For me, the most difficult thing in fatherhood is not to rest on a horn.
And the coolest thing about fatherhood is everything else. Not only did you have two wonderful friends, it’s also two relatives who accept you unconditionally, they want to hug you, they want to play with you, they want to spend time with you. And this is the most wonderful feeling in the universe.
I know for sure that the pleasure from twins is also in the fact that they are a closed, ecologically clean system - they are never bored. If the child is alone, he must be kept busy all the time, because they are inevitably tired, he must be introduced to the children so that he does not withdraw into himself. This is always a difficult question.
And they themselves find entertainment, play something constantly. The happiness is that they are closed on each other and calmly grow socialized, adapted.
for memory. Mom said: "Well, Kim, how are the three? With one difficult." And dad thought I was joking and said: "What the fuck is that?" I myself did not have such a bright reaction. I thought it was fun, I did not understand what it was, so I was rather glad.
When three children are born (I think that the two have the same story), especially there is no time to think. I think this turns into such an endless military operation. You need to think about how they will move, how much to buy food, where they will sleep. I now sometimes dream that three more children were born, and the first thought in a dream: "Where to put the beds?" All other thoughts — horror, shock, joy — are being supplanted by these numerous everyday primary needs.
With the advent of children, not just the rhythm of life has changed - the whole life has changed. Three children, appearing simultaneously, as if "nullify" the whole previous life. What you wanted, thought, in principle, no longer makes any difference. You know, there is such an anecdote: "A wasp flew into my room - now it is her room." It’s about the same with children: now it’s their life. This is a fundamental thing. And everything else - that you need to carry three children on the plane, that the wheelchair does not fit into the staircase, and so on - is secondary.
I worked as a screenwriter and for several years, almost before the children went to school, I could afford to work from home. My wife and I were both at home, and in such a situation responsibilities become common. Naturally, a much larger amount of work, tasks related to children, on Kate. When I was at home, I could take on more responsibilities, when I returned to my office full time, to a lesser degree. But still, some things are much more convenient to do the father.
For example, when you go to the clinic, something goes much faster if you are a dad with a child. Dad feels sorry for the child, and dad and the child some things are forgiven faster, they are treated less strictly. Therefore, some business is still on me. But in general, of course, much more on Kate.
The most difficult thing in bringing up a triplet is that it takes quite a lot of time. For example, checking homework for a long time. And the great thing is that when there are several children, they immediately form such a collective, living their own lives. It is incredibly interesting to watch this team, how they communicate with each other, how they react differently to external stimuli, how they support each other, how they sometimes quarrel with each other - but more often they support. And it's like some very funny endless series. Perhaps this is the coolest in education.
We go to Italy from time to time to rest and ride bicycles there. At first, children needed to be carried in special chairs that are attached to the bike. But at some point they have grown to their bikes. And when all the children grow up to the bike, sit on it and already know how to ride, you find yourself at the head of the crowd of cyclists, which rides, screams - this is perhaps one of the most vivid pleasant memories of children.
Life with the advent of children has changed radically. This, of course, a fresh stream. I always look at them and see how great they are when they are a couple. They are still very small - they are fifteen months old - they are not exactly communicating with each other. But I imagine an alternative situation - the circle of adults, and among them such one toddler. How uncomfortable he is to one and how, on the contrary, comfortable when a couple of children crawl around in a crib, playpen, run around, bully, play, bite. We live outside the city. If a child is one, then where can he meet with peers? Somewhere in the playground. And we have a playground always with you.
My wife and Svetlana are adults, so we have a conscious, meaningful attitude towards children. They are not a burden for us, they are a source of joy for us, and, of course, hassle - especially when they begin to independently disperse in different directions. Probably, difficulties with several children arise when they are of different ages. Here we have synchronicity in everything. Medical examination - synchronously, the teeth climb almost synchronously, with some delay.
It's funny that when twins appear, it means that everything needs to be multiplied by two. Buy a bottle - two, buy diapers - twice as much, put the chair in the car - two. Nanny? Preferably two.
Thank God, we do not have the case when the upbringing of children turns into some kind of hard work. We have relatives who, as far as possible, are happy to devote time to children, we have nannies. We somehow do not specifically share the responsibilities of childcare. Children always need mom, so she spends a lot of time with them. I help too. For example, I go to the dairy kitchen - it’s true, it’s twice a month and it’s completely simple.
They are completely different in character. The girl, Elizabeth, more resolute. She is easy to contact, she is open. The boy, Semyon, more alert, maybe even more refined, is wary of new people: who are you? And what did you come here? Can you be trusted at all? Surprisingly - they seem to be identical or almost identical, but no.
I do not keep a diary of observations, but the stories we have all the time. A couple of days ago, for example, there was a terrible downpour. We have pools in the yard of a country house. Children after the rain go for a walk. Lisa goes and does not even see the puddles. Semyon sees a puddle, just climbs into it (not in boots, not in overalls, but in ordinary clothes) and begins to slap inspiredly on the water. They take him out of there - he reacts as if his favorite toy was taken away from him: cry, op, tears. And Lisa looks and thinks: "What was that?" She didn’t even ask about this pool. So they are different.
The birth of twins influenced family relationships. It’s not so much about the twins, as in the birth of children in principle. We have less time for each other now, and the focus is not on our own life, but our life with children or the life of children. And this is good. It would be strange if it were otherwise.
