What to do if a friend exchanged you for a boyfriend?
ALL WE HAVE GROWN THE MASS OF QUESTIONS TO THEMSELVES AND THE WORLDwith which there seems to be no time or need to go to a psychologist. But convincing answers are not born when you talk to yourself, or to your friends, or to your parents. We started a new regular section where professional psychotherapist Olga Miloradova will answer pressing questions. By the way, if you have them, send to [email protected].
What to do if a friend started a boyfriend and forgot about you?
Each of us got into a situation where the best friend (or friend) with whom you spent days without a break managed to discuss half the town acquaintances, ate a ton of chips and chocolates, and in the end whose hair you held at the most awkward moments of the parties, suddenly from you moving away. But the most annoying thing is that a boyfriend becomes a new center of the universe for a friend, and she doesn’t call you, she even forgets to put likes on Facebook. At the same time, you understand with your head that this is a stage in her life, but the insult, the feeling of injustice and, most importantly, the longing for her beloved girlfriend are not allowed to sleep. What to do?
OLGA MILORADOVA psychotherapist
As you know, life does not stand still and now a ship with red sails appears on the horizon of your best friend, and, filled with new emotions, it disappears from the horizon - already yours. Of course, all this does not happen immediately, at first you are undoubtedly happy for her, and she shares with you the most intimate experiences. One day, the day comes when they and their prince decide to start living together, or even get married at all, and suddenly you realize that there is no news from a friend for a week ... Month ... You seem to have forgotten about you. Where are the oath promises in eternal friendship and in general - what to do?
To start, stop panicking and get ready to wait for a pause. It is absolutely normal that for some time her emotions and a new life will overwhelm her and, perhaps, she will forget not only about you, but about the whole world around her and prefer self-isolation with her lover. But not a single honeymoon lasts forever, people tend to get used to each other, the thrill of sensations subsides, and a wave of life is about to overwhelm her, and perhaps even panic, that she is losing something important. If you are really close friends, then you should not meet her triumphant return with cold indifference or reproaches that you would never do that in her place. First, never renounce (besides boyfriends, how many things can temporarily take us away from reality), and second, be able to understand and forgive. Our anger is in fact always directed against us.
If time passes, but nothing happens, or just at some point you want clarity, then just try to talk. Let it be in the form in which you feel comfortable, the main thing is to avoid direct reproaches and accusations against her and criticism towards the object of her adoration. A negative form of filing will alienate your friend from you for another couple of months at least, if she decides that you do not like her lover or you, for example, are jealous of her. Talk not about how bad she is, but about you: share your feelings and emotions — she really could have forgotten herself in her personal euphoria and not noticed your feelings or loneliness, some problems and difficulties that you used to trust her. But nevertheless, once having designated your position and problem, you should not systematically raise it again - a good friend will think about it and understand, but a bad one ... Do you need bad friends?
Our anger is in fact always directed against us.
An important point - no matter how you treat a man of your girlfriend, try to immediately establish with him the maximum diplomatic relations. Because it is not known how authoritarian her chosen one is, but even if it seems to you that he is an extremely inappropriate couple for her, then, having spoiled relations with him from the very beginning, you will lose the chance to convey this idea to your friend afterwards. Yes, perhaps he is a terrible person with a clear tendency to domination and simply forbids her to see you, but what is the use of you that you were right if all the possibilities for maneuver are blocked? In addition, there is a possibility that the boyfriend is not so bad, and the first impression is not always the right one. So it’s better to hold on to emotions than to feel embarrassed all your life because you were disgusted with a good person - simply because you didn’t think that he would linger around your girlfriend for more than a week.