"A foreign woman is a golden ticket": Girls about the attitude towards them in different countries
We talk a lot about women who left Russia.. One of the first questions that arises in such cases is about the difference of mentalities. And if we understand something about what to expect from life in Europe or the USA, then what is experienced in Africa, Asia or Latin America is often more difficult to imagine. We talked to girls from Russia, whether the position of women is different and how strong the stereotypes are where they went.
This year I am graduating from the magistracy in Europe with a degree in international cooperation and development. In this area, people are usually looking for professionals with at least six months of experience in less developed countries. I decided to get it in advance and began to look for work in Africa and Asia - I was most likely taken to an office in Bangkok.
At first, I thought that Thai girls were different from European ones, but this was not the case. I also heard about the developed sex industry, aimed at tourists. I am not very familiar with the latter, because I rarely go to tourist places, but in the center of Bangkok, there are constantly elderly Europeans on hand with beauties no older than thirty.
People in Thailand are expected to do the same as everywhere else: a girl will find a profitable party, get married and have children. True, she must first get an education, preferably a higher one. If she never finds a husband, from the point of view of society, nothing terrible happens: no one will consider such a woman a failure, especially in big cities. True, older family members, of course, worry: in their eyes, marriage is still a guarantee of a secure life. In the traditional Thai family, in the rural part of the country, women still bear the bulk of domestic work, but in urban areas the situation has changed a long time ago. Nevertheless, in most couples it is the woman who manages the family budget. Even a check in a restaurant is usually put in front of a girl.
There are no restrictions on career or education for girls. My colleagues, for example, were very surprised that in Russia at an interview they might ask about plans to give birth to a child. Many women in Thailand, especially with low wages, do not go on maternity leave at all, because it is unprofitable neither to them nor to the employer: the vacation lasts only four months, and I pay less than half the salary. In this regard, women often fail to breastfeed a child because they cannot spend time at home. The organization in which I work is trying to change it, introduce feeding rooms in factories and convince Thai moms in general that this is important.
In general, here I am perceived primarily as an expat, and then as a girl. My nationality (or even “Europeanness”) determines my attitude to me more than my gender. But in general in this country I feel safe - even alone in the evenings, in areas where no one knows a word of English.
I went to South America for the first time during the summer holidays at the university - after two months in Brazil and Argentina, I fell in love with this continent. After finishing my studies, I went to Colombia on the AIESEC social project in order to understand whether I like to live in Latin America.
There is no pressure on a woman in Colombia about marriage: here the lifestyle of a person depends on education, family and income. The country values knowledge and professional skills of women and men. There are a lot of unmarried girls, especially up to thirty years old: they study, they make a career and no one condemns them for it. Early marriages and the reluctance to get an education are characteristic of less wealthy areas, but if a girl from a poor family can learn and be personal, she will only be proud of it - it does not matter whether she is married or not. Nevertheless, in Colombia, the family culture is very strong, and people closer to the age of thirty begin to think about marriage.
Colombian society is free and democratic, here the culture was formed under the influence of Europe. The older generation still had the traditional family lifestyle, women gave birth to many children and, accordingly, became housewives. Now it is rather an exception, especially in a large city: they will not expect from a woman that, in addition to work, she should constantly prepare and clean up after all.
The most ambiguous situation, probably, only with abortions, as in many countries of Latin America. Here they are allowed in cases of rape, and the woman must also prove that everything happened against her wishes. Artificial termination of pregnancy is also possible if during pregnancy there is a threat to the physical or mental health of the mother or fetus. Of course, in Colombia there is a high level of illegal abortion. This is due to the fact that the church still has great authority, despite the fact that the country, according to the constitution, is secular. But, considering that until 2006, termination of pregnancy was generally completely prohibited, there is progress.
Latin Americans are very open people, they easily start talking on the street with strangers and give compliments, but it seems to me that there is no negative connotation here - just the Colombians are very sociable.
I came to Japan to study at the magistracy of Yokohama State University under the MEXT program - this is a campaign of the Japanese government that attracts students from abroad. The employment system in Japan is significantly different from Russia. A fourth-year student at the beginning of the school year begins to send documents to the company and go to interviews. Almost a year before graduation, it is decided where it will work. In Japan, the system of life-long employment is still strong: where you got a job working as a student, you will spend your whole life there. After graduation, finding a place is difficult.
Such a system makes life difficult: for example, most women leave their jobs after they have a child - and then they cannot find a new one. Usually, when children go to university (in Japan, most often they go to study in other cities) and the woman has much more free time, it is possible to earn money, for example, by a cashier in a cafe or a consultant in a store. Here such work is not considered humiliating or bad. Although now the system is changing and a woman can go on maternity leave and return to her previous position, so far it is more likely an exception. The default girl is very difficult to take a leadership position here.
Most modern women are against such standards, which is why in Japan there are acute problems of birth deficit and aging society. For example, in Russia to get married at twenty-three - twenty-five is normal, but careerists in Japan believe that it is very early. Women do not marry before thirty, and many do not want to have children, because it puts an end to a career. In principle, there are now many women in Japan and men who prefer not to start a relationship at all, because this is too troublesome if a person concentrates on work.
The woman here is in the family home, if only because the house is her job. She is fully engaged in it, decides where everything lies, what products to buy, manages the family budget, communicates with children more, therefore, she has closer relations with them. A woman in Japan is the guardian of the family.
I came to Egypt, to Hurghada, to work as an animator. This is an excellent experience, but it is too hard to exist in such a mode for a long time. After a year in animation, I decided that I wanted to continue teaching dances, but not in the tourist field. I didn’t want to go back home, but now I had the opportunity to go to Port Said and stay with friends.
In Port Said, I worked as a fitness instructor in a beauty salon. The owner of the salon was a local woman - educated, calm and intelligent. She has many children, I made friends with two daughters. They never wore shawls, always dress stylishly, but discreetly. These are girls from a family with good wealth, they often travel, they have a good sense of humor and a broad outlook, they have learned foreign languages - perhaps, therefore, they calmly address many issues. In terms of appearance in Port Said, everything is standard, in Arabic: closed clothes, headscarves. The younger generation is more polyperal: they either resist or cover their heads, but they wear tight jeans and tight sweaters.
Men here see for women only one purpose - to give birth to children and to look after the house. It seems to me that I did not hear the other one - although they did not say “A woman should stay at home”, but “I would prefer ...”. Although lonely girls here are treated calmly. Perhaps parents would prefer family life for them, but no one openly condemns them.
When I worked as an animator, I was not so attracted to tourists as in Port Said - a girl of European appearance, she speaks English. In Cairo, for example, there is no such thing, but in Port Said they constantly harassed, made compliments, tried to meet. By that time I already knew how to react to this: there were unpleasant stories in Hurghada. In Egypt, men treat foreigners this way, because they are girls from a different environment, from countries with better economies, where they do not require you to come and bring gifts for the opportunity to ask for the hand of a woman. Egyptian men often complain that local girls only need money - although this is a well-established custom and it does not depend on girls. For a local, a foreign woman looks like a “golden ticket” - the opportunity to leave the country or at least make acquaintance with a woman of more free morals.
In terms of education or work for women in Egypt, there are no bans. Someone thinks about their studies and their careers, others about marriage. Those girls who went to my classes loved me, and I loved them. They studied, tried to communicate with me, speak in English and did not think only about the family - and I was so proud of them.
The first time I went to Brazil with my best friend and fell in love with Rio, we immediately realized that we would definitely return. Later, in Moscow, I accidentally met a guy from Sao Paulo. With him, we were in a relationship at a distance of two years, we went to each other. At the beginning of the summer I decided to go to him, but after two months I realized that São Paulo and family life is not for me. Nevertheless, I did not want to leave Brazil, and I flew to Rio.
There are many stereotypes about Brazil and about Latin America in general: sexism, machismo, and so on. Often exaggerated, but I can not say that it is not true. After some time you get used to the fact that they are trying to talk to you all the time on the street, and if nobody pays attention to you in five minutes, after you left the house, you begin to think that something is wrong. In general, I like that the guys here are decisive and will not look at you at the bar for three hours, but they will immediately fit you; you just have to hold their eyes on someone.
I would say that among young people, gender roles are more “smoothed out” than, for example, in Moscow. Here the guy will never open the door for you or try to pay for everything: most Brazilians will take it as an insult. At the same time, compliments, which in Russia would surely be considered inappropriate, are perceived calmly by Brazilians. Even local girls can let go after the young man a comment like "Que gatinho!" ("Kitty!"). In principle, affectionate treatment is used even in a conversation with vendors in a supermarket or with teachers at the university. Brazilians love to call each other diminutive names, and this does not necessarily have sexual overtones.
The older generation adheres to traditions: family holidays are important, and grandmothers and grandfathers are the main authorities in the family. In general, many here live with their parents to thirty, and come and marry only after a long relationship. Therefore, a lonely girl who wants to focus on education and career will not be judged condemningly. And there are no professional restrictions for women here - even in the army service and fire brigade. Given that until recently the president of Brazil was Dilma Vana Rousseff, the girl in leadership positions here will surprise no one.
I came to India by chance: I came to study Buddhist painting of a tank at the invitation of a friend. At first I planned to stay here for about three months, but when I got there, I realized that I could not leave anymore. What surprised me at first was that the Indians were very kindhearted; From childhood I got used to a different mentality. Different people meet everywhere and always, but in India they are kind and open. Here women are respectful. And despite the fact that I, a white-eyed blonde with blue eyes, stand out against the general background, they treat me the same way they treat any other girl. Perhaps more are paying attention. But no one allows himself a rude speech or insults. You will not be reproached, the maximum may be shook your head with regret or something to advise.
The female role in India depends on the caste. If the caste is average, then the girl will be housekeeping and raising children. If the lowest - the woman wears stones on the head and hinders the concrete. No one can change the situation in life - the first time you see this, you wonder. But girls believe that, experiencing difficulties in this life, they facilitate the next.
Local standards for women relate to appearance. The girls do everything in a sari - even work at a construction site. Makeup is required, well, and pierced nose, if the woman is married. There are women against it: they dress in a European way and try to achieve leadership positions on a par with men. Nevertheless, I have not yet seen a single girl at the head of the company. There are exceptions (I have a girlfriend who owns an expensive cosmetics store), but in general, top positions go to men. In the markets, 90% of workers are also men. Here, behind the scenes, there is still the opinion that a woman should be a housewife. If she works, then the performer: teacher, manager, nurse, teacher. Of course, the new generation is trying to push this framework.
Loneliness for an Indian girl is unacceptable. Usually, parents choose a husband for their daughter, hoard dowry, pay for the wedding. The girl is obliged to agree with their choice. And after the wedding, the husband is already caring for his wife and has a house. I know only one Indian woman who married for love. After that, her mother for the next ten years refused to see and talk to her. Despite this situation with marriages, I have not yet met a family where the spouses would be in conflict. At the same time, public manifestation of feelings is strictly prohibited here - this is not to be found all over India.
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