"From woman to„ man "": Transformation process in a series of self portraits

EVERY DAY PHOTOGRAPHERS AROUND THE WORLD looking for new ways to tell stories or to capture what we previously did not notice. We choose interesting photo projects and ask their authors what they wanted to say. This week we are publishing the Transgender Winn Nilly project "Female to" Male "- a series of images taken at intervals of a week and depicting changes in his body. The photographer insists that the concept of "man" in his case is used in quotation marks, since his identity is not static and cannot be described in one word.

From childhood I understood that I would be engaged in creative work - it was always my nature to comprehend information visually, and I was easily given relevant lessons and lessons. In college, I chose the course of photography and became very involved, realizing the attractiveness of this "medium". True, at first I was a monstrous photographer, but then it became clear that I simply did not find my approach to the camera and my way of communicating with the world with its help. Only in the second year of university, I realized what I had to do. This was helped by the study of both the history of photography and technology, but most of all - the fact that I was trying to figure out my goal in life. And my development as an artist coincided with the search for my gender and queer identity.

This project I started to lead for myself - to be able to watch how my face and body change. I was attracted by the opportunity to document puberty exactly at the moment of its beginning and see what lies between the start and the finish, what visual changes will take place over a long period of time.

I decided to use the Fuji Instax camera, which we habitually call the Polaroid, because, at first, at that moment I didn’t have a serious camera: I had to sell it in order to find money for a breast correction operation. "Instant" camera and film cost much cheaper than investing in a new DSLR. Secondly, the “polaroid” images themselves perfectly fit the whole concept. Each frame is about "here and now": it captures the current state of my body, in which physical changes occur every second. Only one frame for only one moment in the process of my transformation.

The project includes not only photographs: the idea is "supported" by medical prescriptions, prescriptions, psychoanalyst letters, distressful notes from relatives, letters from former girls, documents required for changing the name, a bandage from breast correction surgery, a full set of syringes that I had to use , and so on. It was important for me to include all this life baggage, because it adds touches to my experience, and because of this the project causes the viewer more empathy. An emotional connection is established between him and me. “Polaroids”, built in a chronological chain, look very sterile and unnatural - after all, they reflect only the physiological changes of my body from head to belt. Related documents and objects complement the viewer's perception and provide answers to questions that may arise if you look only at the photos.

Gender and identity can mean a lot to different people, but for me, gender is primarily comfort from the coincidence of your appearance and inner self-awareness. If they are in harmony, then you can fully function. Identity is rather a way for me to build relationships with people, an opportunity to find “our own” and fit into the community, to take my place in society.

All this time I continue to work on the project and I will continue, most likely, for a long time. I cannot say with certainty when it will come to an end, or how it is transformed, but the fact that it will develop and change is inevitable. I am very interested in how I will mature and grow up as a transgender guy, and what relics will be left for me from this process in the future.