How to live an introvert in a world honed to success
It is believed that our world is rigged by extroverts. and it is they who do better. Extroverts are prone to leadership, love communication and are constantly looking for new experiences - it seems that when we say that we value individuality in people, we mean exactly that. Every second person now works in openspace and constantly communicates with colleagues, children from school years talk about the importance of teamwork, and at interviews the ability to present themselves often is no less important than real skills and knowledge.
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It’s not easy to admit that you are an introvert: in the minds of people introversion is at best associated with modesty and delicacy, and at worst with indecision, self-centeredness and misanthropy. I know this: the label "introvert" has been attached to me since childhood. Despite the fact that I love to communicate with people, it was always hard for me to make new acquaintances, I didn’t like being in the center of attention and spent most of my free time looking for books. When I was in elementary school, the class teacher anxiously told my mother that it would be difficult for me to succeed in life: I know the material well, but I don’t strive to demonstrate knowledge. Almost twenty years have passed since then - I spent a considerable part of them trying to remake myself and overcome shyness, but it seems that only now I have learned to accept that I am an introvert and to be an introvert normally.
Any talk about introversion inevitably comes up against the complexity and ambiguity of the concept itself. It is believed that introverts concentrate more on the inner world, and extroverts - on the external environment. The causes and signs of introversion, it seems, has not yet been fully determined. Who would you rather call an introvert: a person who prefers to noisy companies at home with a book? Who is shy to talk to others and is afraid of public speaking? A person who does not have problems in communication, but has only a couple of close friends? The truth, as always, is somewhere in the middle, and the division into introverts and extroverts is very conditional - most of us are at different points of the spectrum, combining the qualities of both.
Introversion is associated at best with modesty, and at worst with self-centeredness and misanthropy
Very often, introverts are defined through the opposite of extroverts - perhaps because extroverts build communication with the outside world for much of their time and are more noticeable to others, and therefore they are easier to understand. Extroverts also dominate in pop culture: introverts in movies and serials (such as Ebed Nadir from Community) are remembered with great difficulty, and their main characteristics are unsociable, uncommunicative, and often quite inexpressive character against which other characters stand out even brighter.
At the same time, introverts are increasingly becoming the heroes of spiritually elevated young-adult literature: it brings to the forefront characters who haven’t been given any attention before. For example, the main character of the film and the book “It’s Good to Be Meek” Charlie is an introvert who is shown with love and respect: friends understand and accept him as he is, he doesn’t need to change himself to fit into the environment. But there is also a hitch: the personality of the hero is ultimately revealed through an episode of violence, the victim of which he became in childhood, which involuntarily pushes readers and viewers to the idea that introversion is associated with psychological traumas of the past. Much more often in pop culture there are asocial and eccentric heroes like Sherlock Benedict Cumberbatch or Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory, which would not be entirely correct to characterize as introverts.
The first about the concepts of introversion and extraversion, Carl Jung spoke in the first quarter of the last century. “Everyone is, of course, familiar with these closed, difficult to recognize, often fearful natures, representing the strongest opposition to people with an open, courteous, often cheerful or at least affable and accessible character,” he wrote in his book Psychological Types. Jung believed that the focus on introversion or extraversion was given to man from birth, and noted that pure introverts and extroverts do not exist in nature.
British psychologist Hans Eysenck in the middle of the last century also defined the concepts of introversion and extraversion. He suggested that extroverts and introverts distinguish the speed of formation of the excitation of the nervous system (of how much our body and mind are ready to respond to stimulation). The extrovert nervous system slows down excessive stimulation, they need more effort to reach a level of arousal that other people think is sufficient - so they like to gain new experience, take risks, and communicate with people. Introverts, on the contrary, are more excitable and more responsive to stimulation, so they prefer familiar surroundings and small companies. According to Aysenck’s theory, extroverts do not tolerate monotony, are more often distracted during work and like to take risks. They are sociable, open, cheerful, eager for leadership and easily adapt to the environment, but also impulsive and unrestrained. Introverts hardly establish contacts with people and adapt to new circumstances, like to plan their actions in advance; they are calm, balanced and peaceful.
Хорошо "It's good to be meek"
“You need to understand that a person is a system, and the choice of an extroverted or introverted method of adaptation and its further implementation is affected by a huge number of factors: emotional stability, cultural stratum, intellectual and spiritual level of development, environment and context,” says psychotherapist George Medveditsky.
Scientists continue to try to understand the essence of introversion. Not so long ago, Jonathan Chick, a professor of psychology at Wellesley College, suggested that there are four introversion subtypes, and more often introverts combine the attributes of several of them. Chick talks about social introversion (a person prefers loneliness or small companies, but not because he is shy - this is his voluntary choice), mental introversion (it implies introspectiveness and a tendency to reflect, but more on the field of imagination and creativity), disturbing introversion ( a person prefers to be alone, because he feels awkward in the company of other people, and anxiety often does not leave him even alone with himself) and reserved introversion (such people prefer to carefully think better of their actions and are not prone to impulsive decisions). Jontan Chick made a test to determine how different subtypes of introversion are combined in a person. While he is in the working version, but this idea seems viable.
Now scientists often associate a tendency to introversion and extraversion with dopamine, a hormone, which is an important part of the brain's “reward system” and influences learning and motivation processes. In 2005, a group of scientists conducted a study confirming this assumption. They offered research participants to gamble and noted how they react to victory, and also conducted genetic testing. The participants in the study, in whom the gene responsible for greater susceptibility to dopamine was detected, responded more strongly to the victory - they also showed a greater tendency toward extraversion.
Do I need to reshape myself and my personality to meet formal criteria for success?
The fact that the tendency to introversion or extroversion is due to physiology is good news for many introverts. This data frees us from the need to try to remake ourselves and fit into the system, where in many areas only extroverts can succeed. Of course, there are exceptions, and this does not always mean breaking oneself every day. “You can change yourself if it is necessary for the cause, if you wish,” says analytic psychologist Ekaterina Nikitenko. “There are extraverted introverts, for example, people who have become heads of duty and communicate with people a lot and attend various events. Yes, it’s not easy , but people are rebuilding. The main thing is to like it. "
Writer and lawyer Susan Kane, who in recent years has become the voice of introverts around the world, promotes the idea that introversion can be an advantage. Kane is the author of the book "Introverts. How to use the features of your character" and the popular TED lecture on the same topic, as well as the creator of the project "Quiet Revolution" for introverts and their loved ones. In her book, she notes that introverts are more creative, they often prefer to work alone, avoiding distractions, including communication with people, which allows them to come up with radically new ideas.
The fact that at first glance seems to be a minus, easily turns into a plus, if we ignore the usual view of things. Yes, introverts often do not seek leadership - but the fact that they are not prone to domination and are good listeners helps them to be more attentive to the opinions and ideas of others and choose from a variety of ideas that which is really better than their own. Thoughtfulness, attentiveness, the desire to plan, the tendency to act without haste - all this plays into the hands of people prone to introversion.
There are many success stories of people who are characterized as introverts, from the unsociable Isaac Newton to everyone's favorite JK Rowling. Children's writer Theodore Geisel, better known under the pseudonym Dr. Seuss, worked on his books alone and was afraid of meeting with the children for whom he created these books: he feared that the children would see that he was not the merry fellow everyone expected, but much more closed and closed person (but after all none of these qualities reduces his talent!). Modern realities give introverters many chances: a whole generation of IT entrepreneurs and new opinion leaders are led by Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, whose invention helps millions of people communicate. But those who happened to run into him call him a typical introvert.
The obvious conclusion suggests itself: do you really need a large number of people around to feel happy? Do I need to reshape myself and my personality to meet formal criteria for success? In the end, if 2016 is what teaches us what, it's that being yourself and accepting yourself is great. The world does not need to be divided into black and white, pure extroverts and introverts, success and failure.
Photo: Summit Entertainment, A & M Films