Lots of possibilities: Is there life after a divorce
Text: Sonya Margulis
The first time I went on a date a year after the divorce. He was from the general circle (which is important), handsome (which is nice) and not an idiot (which is rare). I myself offered to go to the cinema - in order to quickly dive into the icy water on the crest of suffering. If we were making a movie about us, it would be a perfect date. He arrived by car and waited for me at the entrance. Opened the door. On the seat lay a rose. Well, an awkward moment: what to do with a rose if you go to the movies? Carry a stupid, leave impolite. I decided to leave. The film was moderately romantic, moderately tragic and, of course, about divorce. I sat on pins and needles, gasping in the cloud of the spirits of my companion and trying to chase away the thought of what I'm actually doing here. The film ended, and we went to drink coffee. During the non-sticking tape-current, I nibbled my nails, and he stared at me, periodically noticing: "You are kind of sad." Then he walked to the house. And I, without waiting for an awkward farewell at the entrance (one of the most painful scenes), slipped inside. You can not add that we have not met.
Not so long ago, I turned 30. This is also how to jump into cold water: you seem to wait, get ready and even know how it will be, but it's still unpleasant and cold. You remember different movies - for example, Rachel's birthday in "Friends". Nobody probably already looks at Friends, but I know by heart, I often quote and, worse, make strange gestures like Ross. Tooth give: 20-year-olds do not do that.
For my birthday, I already had a divorce. It so happened that for some reason everyone in our company decided to get married terribly early. At 18, 19, 20 with a little. Such a boomerang effect - all in turn. A year after the wedding, almost all had children. A couple of years after that, some had more children. And then - with the children, that without - the same people began to divorce about the same order.
“Freedom is awfully interesting.” You seem to have the floodgates open - do what you want. And then the second wave will soon begin: all those who divorced will begin to marry a second time. (My friend and I are standing at the bar in Strelka.)
- Yes, it's cool. Well, for example?
- How so what? Generally all.
He has a wife and a little son, and he has not divorced yet.
In the same "Friends" there is a series of backup options: the main characters agree that if they are not married by the age of 40, they will pass each other. In my opinion, this is wise. Before they turned 30, they went on dates and had fun, sometimes they had children by chance, but they still had fun, continued to go on dates, and only after 30 thought about marriage (if you watched the series, you will surely correct me that Ross - exception, and you will be right). Somehow, after 30, they managed to pacify the hormonal storms raging in the company. My friends and I did the opposite.
Over time, my peers look worse: they grow bald and get fat
At best, you are 28, at worst - 33. You stand in disbelief in the kitchen, look at the photographs of the rare moments of a happy family life, and think: what should we do next? You are like a nestling hatching from a warm cozy egg: you need to adapt to life, learn to fly and have fun in general. And here I will explain to you why the “Friends” did everything right, but the friends did not. You are 30, but you have no experience of relationships, because everything you managed to see is the first, or at best, the second novel, smoothly flowing into family life. It is here that you have to pull your head out of the sand or eggs and frantically try to live an adult free life. True, the chick you are not very similar. Over time, my peers look worse: they go bald and get fat. In appearance, they are not even 30, but uncertain 30+. The same age, on the contrary, all as on selection are beautiful, intelligent, well educated and educated. Almost no one has a life, while their former husbands (swollen and bald, yes) after a divorce, plunge into adventure. Surprisingly, women from other companies hang themselves in bunches on their slouching shoulders — shoulders that someone else recently loved so long and faithfully.
After all, what is a divorced 30-year-old single man? The dream of young girls. Adult held man. With a light and spectacular gray hair in the temples. A bit shabby life, but still firmly on his feet. But a single 30-year-old woman is sad, and in any circumstances. It is always a pity for those around her: "Poor, alone, and with children. How does she pull all this?" experiencing, "" Poor, poor. " Well, the gray in her temples is not sexy at all.
In general, age is a strange thing. Of course, you know that you are growing up, that the years are passing and there is no way back, and there is no doubt about it. But for some reason, no one warns that your internal age will not change with the biological one. What to do if in the fourth ten in the shower you still hang out between 15 and 19 years? You get gray, but you cross the border between the tiles in the subway. What is it like when you are 70, but you still feel like a boy? So surely it happens. Not at all funny. The tale of lost time, it turns out, is no fairy tale, only it is not clear what to do to catch up with him. And whether to catch up. Suddenly, it turned out that adults who put plates for both children on both jaws, draw up insurance policies, serve banks and restaurants, work in the media, and so on. already kissed passionately. They are living testimonies of my present age, and how to get used to it? Here you want to say "unagi" or hit the backs of the clenched fists together - but you will hardly understand what I mean. The point is that I personally am not poor. Point. I am free, cheerful, and no one snores every night under my ear, spoiling my sleep and mood. And if I want, then snore. I will go to the dances and in the cafe, on dates and in the cinema and enjoy life, as I would have done at my 23, if I hadn’t got married then Time to catch up, and in the next issues of this column I will describe what will come of it.
Illustration: Masha Shishova