Online stalking: Virtual violence with real consequences
When it comes to obsessive pursuit, or stalking, most tend to think that this will never happen to them. With paparazzi with cameras, celebrities are chasing, editors of scandalous newspapers receive intrusive letters with threats, and gifts from unknown admirers are fatal beauties to the cinema. This is exactly what persecution in popular culture looks like, and in the eyes of many it is a strange compliment, and not a threat. Why, then, is prosecution a criminal offense in dozens of countries? Why, being a victim of persecution in real life, the victims do not feel flattered, but annoyed and frightened, but do not seek help? We talked about this and other issues with the victims of persecution, a psychologist who helps victims and their persecutors, and a lawyer.
A couple of months ago, shortly after moving to a new city, an unfamiliar young man wrote to me online — let's call him M. From his message, I realized that he would be interested in learning more about my travels. However, he did not turn to me for advice, but immediately began to call to meet and talk, moreover, clearly not about travel. Then he began trying to find out my phone number. The flow of messages that did not stop, despite my requests to write only in the case. Then a stream of harsh abuse in response to my request to leave me alone. An apology followed the abuse - it seemed to me sincere.
A few days later he wrote to me again - this time that he saw me at the cinema (where I really was). After another stream of battle and strange assumptions into my account: "So selfish women like you just like someone else's attention! You want them to run after you, but you just refuse! This is flattering your vanity!" - I just blocked it in the network.
That evening, for the first time in my life, I went home, looking back, and with difficulty kept from not going on the run, as in my childhood in a gloomy communal corridor, where a monster is seen behind every dark corner. Where did that girl go who boldly poked her nose in Moscow and Shanghai gateways and arrogantly twisted her lips when friends scared her with the horrors of the gay districts of Berlin. Remembering that M. came out to me through an expat community, I hung up a warning post there. Imagine my surprise when it turned out that M. pursued at least three girls at a time.
What was especially unpleasant, all the victims of M. were somewhat similar: by the cut of his eyes, by the color of his hair and skin. One of them at one time met him at the evening for learners of a foreign language. He quickly got a phone number from her and called for coffee. Some gatherings in the cafe ended in uniform pursuit - M. told everyone that his victim is now his girlfriend. He continued to insist on new meetings, and in response to polite refusals, he broke into a fierce abuse. However, after each stream of insults M. apologized, and my friend hoped that now he would come to his senses and leave her alone.
Insults soon gave way to threats - M. got hold of my friend’s home address and began to say that he would come and tell everything to her parents (a girl from a Muslim family, though not conservative), that he would wait for her at the entrance and make him talk to him. The girl began to be afraid to leave the house and once sat in the four walls all weekend, unable to cope with her fear. She was afraid to go to the police, because then the story would certainly come to the surface and her parents would know about it, and she did not want to disturb them.
Fortunately, M. rarely crossed the boundaries of online persecution, and it was enough for us to ignore his messages and get him expelled from migrant communities, where he was looking for his victims. My friend did not take M. seriously. This is normal - it ideally corresponds to an archetypical stalker, as mass culture paints him: a painfully lonely and awkward young man who imagines that a girl you like can be “subdued” if you write to her long enough, and even scare.
However, according to Olga Zipelmayer, a consultant psychologist at the Stop Stalking Center in Berlin, who has been working with victims of stalking and stalkers for many years, the archetypal “romantic” who pursued us is not the most common type of stalker. According to the observations of the Berlin Center and their colleagues from other countries, the most common type is the former romantic partner who thinks he is trying to save a broken relationship or marriage.
“The very awareness of persecution as a legal violation appeared recently - this is the case, which is often called the“ new crime of old behavior. ”Cases of persecution are described in our culture: the very first stalker we meet is Apollo, who persecuted Daphne, which did not remain nothing but to turn into a tree. Since the legal norm is relatively new, it has not yet had time to gain a foothold in our culture. People who find themselves in such a situation often do not understand themselves that they have the right to demand protection. same in different countries, different legal standards: if in Europe the persecution of a criminal offense, the Russian legal framework for this does not exist can not forget about the different boundaries of the private sphere in different societies:. difficult to compare the individualistic and collectivistic East Europe ".
The cultural framework is only one of the reasons why victims do not seek the help of the state. According to Zipelmayer, it often turns out that the pursuer and his victim were previously tied up by close relationships, and people may really not want to involve outsiders in their personal lives. In addition, many people in such situations are still in the dynamics of romantic relationships, have not yet realized that they have ended and moved into some other stage. Well, of course, many people think that they can negotiate with another person - especially with a friend - or they hope that this will go away without harming them.
The persecutors themselves can often also internally experience broken relationships and not realize that they are over. Working with this experience is one of the aspects of the work of the Stop Stalking center with the pursuers. Actually, the organization began with the fight against persecution, weaning stalkers from him. As Zipelmayer emphasizes, it is necessary to understand that the persecutors themselves are often very unhappy people who cannot stop, even if they want: some clients compare their mania with drug addiction.
"Mass culture with its idea of romantic love doesn’t help us at all - you remember how many popular love songs actually tell about the persecution. The persecutors - both men and women - are held hostage to the harmful idea that love should be fought to the end and that the object of your love must be sought, no matter what, "says Zipelmayer. It is necessary to take into account the fact that all people have different ideas about personal boundaries, and put it on the memories of previous relationships or love failure, which could greatly traumatize a person. “Persecutors may not understand the consequences of their behavior - they feel that they are saving their past relationships or even marriage. They simply do not think that with their behavior they can break their whole life.”
If the victim of persecution is a man, then he may not ask for help for a long time for fear of appearing weak. Since childhood, men are told that they must cope with all difficulties themselves. A man may not listen carefully enough to his own feelings and not understand why he is generally unpleasant persecution. Because we simply forget that the fear of persecution is one of the most ancient human fears, and that it can easily lead to serious emotional distress.
As follows from the experience of the center, as well as from the private stories of the victims of the persecution, even European legal norms and the police cannot adequately protect the victims of stalking. The English-language Internet is replete with stories of how condescending judges advised victims of stalkers to be proud of the attention they received and did not take seriously their requests for help. In Russia, the legislation does not regulate this sphere of relations at all.
“In Russia, within the framework of criminal law, there is no such thing as persecution. There are no rules prohibiting prosecution. The only article that has any side to this is an article such as“ death threat ”. In practice however, the victims of persecution in Russia cannot count on state assistance and somehow run (often in the direct sense of the word) from their persecutors, "said Marie Davtyan, a lawyer and a specialist in family violence.
There are no organizations in Russia that directly persecuted, but since the persecution is often part of domestic violence, crisis centers for women help them to escape in such situations. Interestingly, private organizations follow international practice and keep the location of their shelters in secret, and the state, which is much more, do not hide their location. Most pursuers do not dare to go inside, because there is usually a guard at the entrance, but it can be assumed that it would be safer if the pursuers did not know how to find shelter.
“The attitude of our court to prosecution is perfectly illustrated by one case from my practice,” says Davtyan. “My client’s husband threatened to kill her and her child. Psychiatric examination revealed his schizophrenia and recognized him as especially dangerous for society. But as a result he remained at liberty and continued to threaten his wife freely. According to the results of the examination, we asked the court to provide my client with protection. The court refused - on the grounds that this law was created to protect witnesses in terrorism investigations or .. Ovannoy Crime And Victims of threats it is not distributed judge then said, "Just think, you some psycho threats writes, do not take to heart. '"
Marie Davtyan and her colleagues for two years trying to achieve the adoption of a new law on domestic violence, which also contains a clause on persecution. Speeches about a separate law on prosecution are not yet in place - lawyers believe that when this bill is passed, it will be possible to push for new laws, including on prosecution. However, this law on domestic violence for two years nowhere can not go: today Russia is the only CIS country where there is no such law.
There is nothing surprising that stalking and especially online stalking is not taken seriously in a country where the problem of physical and psychological violence, using online terminology, is not solved by AFK (away from keyboard, that is, "not at the computer"), but street harassment prefer to be considered compliments. This substitution builds logic and stalkers, and often victims: the increased, intrusive and threatening presence of the pursuer speculates on the installation "the main thing - attention."
Thanks to this installation, there is another form of stalking where the persecutors do it disinterestedly - it is enough to recall the stories of visitors to dating sites, from which computer fraudsters first extract all personal information and then begin to demand money. Such criminals speculate on feelings and often repeat all the actions of the pursuers: they flood their victims with letters, continuously call, arrogantly demand attention, and often pursue their victim across all available Internet platforms, start to threaten and write about their supposedly irresistible attraction to the victim.
However, no matter how the persecutors themselves designate their goal, the true goal of them is often the same - to establish control over someone else’s life. Stalking is a form of violence, even if the abuser does not understand what he is doing, and his actions are purely virtual. And this once again confirms that the difference between offline and online is actually no more.
Photo: 1, 2, 3, 4 via Shutterstock
