"This is not a fairy tale about Cinderella": How I began to help orphans from the orphanage
I moved to Moscow from a small Ural village Kuluevo thirty kilometers from Chelyabinsk, where my dad grew up - and was shy for a long time. As it turned out, nothing happened: everything in my life went on like on schedule. At seventeen, I became an assistant at Cosmopolitan Shopping, and at twenty-three I became deputy editor-in-chief - at some point it became even uncomfortable that everything was going so well.
At the age of twenty-three, I first came to an orphanage with a volunteer club. It was located about 180 kilometers from Moscow; then it seemed to me that the conditions there were excellent. Kostino village in the Ryazan region looked about like the one in which I grew up: there are not even two-story houses, and the only store looks like a dog house. The orphanage itself is very similar to my school - the same old building with flabby linoleum. In Kuluevo, we lived poorly, and, perhaps, it was precisely this time that taught me to appreciate what I have now: mom and dad, teachers, did not pay a salary of six months; most of my classmates parents drank, many guys are no longer alive. In general, I was not surprised at the orphanage - I know what poverty is and what a Russian village is.
Completely different people help the boarding school: volunteers, bosses, people from Sunday school. On weekends, volunteers bring presents to the children, a stationery, and master classes. At the same time, they never give their phone number, this rule - it seems that children are not too attached. I came with them a couple of times, and on the third I called the director and asked if I could come alone - and started going to the guys once a month. A few years later, to the question of newcomers who appear in the orphanage every September: “And Katya, who? Volunteer or chef? Or from Sunday school?” - my children said in chorus: "She is our friend." It was a very important moment for me: I realized that something important was happening to us, that they were really close to me. We easily agreed with them, because there is a very important quality in them - simplicity: they never get greedy, they honestly share everything I bring with each other. These children are real, sincere, they are very close to me in spirit.
Half of my life I do what is called gloss is interesting, but it was the trips to Kostino that gave me a chance to remember who I really am and what really matters to me. I remember once returning home by night from the guys at night: it was late autumn, it was dark, and it seemed to me that this was a film about the future, when for unknown reasons a small part of the planet’s people find themselves in the most comfortable conditions, and the majority tries to survive. This feeling that life is different, people are different and that it is very important not to build boundaries between us remains with me to this day. It helps to look at much wider, not to dwell on the insignificant and petty.
To Moscow
Then the guys started to be released - and disappear. Of course, you try to treat children the same way, but it happens that you become attached to someone more, and I realized that I must try to at least do something really worthwhile for at least a few of them. It is a pity that the state does so little for graduates. Of course, in orphanages everyone, in general, is full, healthy, no one walks in leaky socks. But when children are released, the worst begins - they are simply abandoned. Of course, the state gives them apartments at the place of residence - but they just sit in them and start drinking, because they cannot find work in the villages where they are located. Someone goes to the surrounding shops and garages, if they are near at all, but it is clear that the guys from the orphanage do not really know how to apply themselves and speak nicely, so they have little chance. Maybe in big cities there are social programs to support graduates of orphan institutions, educational courses where you can learn something other than the work of a seamstress or a tractor driver, but Kostinsky didn’t have anything like that.
Among the guys with whom I spoke, there was a boy Maxim, we became friends very much with him. I looked at his fingers all the time, they are very long and beautiful - probably some of his great-grandfathers was a pianist. Max did not study well, but he was a very well-read boyfriend: when I told him about my travels, he immediately spoke, for example, what kind of religion and population in these countries. Somehow, after he graduated, I came to the school, where he was preparing to become a tractor driver (this is a typical story: after graduation, all children study for seamstresses, cooks, tractor drivers), and wept over the conditions in which he lived. My parents in the eighties had blankets, green and white — they were lying on the table instead of a tablecloth. A dim light bulb dangled in the middle of the ceiling, iron beds stood, the doors did not close, there was half-light in the dining room, and there was a terrible smell all around.
The allowance for children is transferred to the card so that by the time of graduation from the school they have some amount. Maxim's classmates just took the money from him
The children’s allowance cards are listed on the card so that by the time they graduate from school they have a certain amount and it was possible to buy furniture in an apartment that the state gives out - about three hundred or four hundred thousand are accumulated. Maksim's classmates simply took the money from him: he went to Sberbank, shot fifty thousand under their gaze, and gave it away. Maxim is a refuser, he does not know his parents, he has neither brothers nor sisters. I tried to influence this story, the investigation began - but to no avail.
My friends girls from the orphanage at that time had already been studying seamstresses for two years. In the lesson, they dictated simply to write down how to sew; it is a waste of time and state money - they don’t even know how to sew after that. I asked why they study there, but the children from the system are simply not adapted to act independently and take initiative. They live according to a plan invented by others: breakfast, lunch, dinner, an excursion to Moscow. They do not know how to plan, make decisions and take responsibility for them. Always go with the flow, together.
I offered the girls to move to Moscow. They were frightened and said that they would rather take another year off instead, for example, to the painters: it is difficult for them to leave the comfort zone. Then I thought out the plan myself. I could not carry everyone - there are good, cool guys, but you know that you are not ready to answer for them. In Nadia and Natasha, I was sure - I knew that they were responsible and would not let me down. I decided to help them and Maxim with long fingers.
The plan was this: we rented an apartment for the children for three months so that they could adapt, find a job and understand what Moscow is. It was assumed that later they would pay for it independently. It was an inexpensive apartment of my acquaintances' friends - there was no repair, but we cleaned up and washed everything up. Many of my friends helped with money, thirty thousand donated for rent; I had to buy some more phones for the guys, some clothes, pay for running expenses. Communications helped a lot: for example, Maxim, if he just came from the street, no one would take a job. He has a bit of an unusual speech, a peculiar behavior - he is cool in formulating thoughts, but he does it a little differently, just such a feature. Thanks to my friend, the PR director of a large shopping center, he was hired to work at this center - with a salary of 32,000 rubles, plus breakfast, lunch, dinner, and travel expenses, because the center is located outside the city.
I had a friend who worked at the Ginza Project and opened Jamie Oliver’s Jamie's Italian restaurant. She offered Nadya and Natasha to try: they came to the interview to the chef, and they were taken as cook assistants to a restaurant on Okhotny Ryad. This, of course, was fantastic for them: "Where do you work?" - "Yes, I have Red Square outside the window." Beautiful restaurant, form - a completely different life. Famous people came there - the singer Yolka, for example - and the girls saw them from the workplace. Of course, it was very difficult for them, even physically: it was hot in the kitchen, they had all their fingers cut up, and not even with knives, but with fish fins.
At first there were many other difficulties. The guys did not know anything about Moscow, did not know how to use transport. Maxim could call and say: "Katya, in my opinion, this is the Lubyanka station, I don’t know how to get out of here." And I had to go to him in Lubyanka, pick him up, help him, tell him how the trains go. I went to work with him three times so that he remembered the route and did not get lost.
The girls started the cat without asking me or the landlady, and a year later a little dog. Then Natasha decided to move to another apartment and just left the cat neighbor.
Of course, I was very worried that something would happen to them - and even though I did not issue official custody, it was a big responsibility. It was necessary for the children to get cards, to teach them to put money on them, to pay for an apartment. Maxim, for example, is very economical and wondered why he should pay for a new apartment, which they moved to after the first three months in Moscow: "But this is my salary!" I was very angry with him and explained that he would have nowhere to live. But he was simply not accustomed to paying: he did not pay for the hostel, did not pay at the orphanage, the first three months in Moscow also paid for him.
Nadia is still working at Jamie's, and Natasha went to Coffeemania. Together we went to Archstoyanie, lived there in tents, I introduced the girls to my friends. Recently, they traveled with me to the orphanage - the teachers were shocked by how they started talking, talking about their interests. I can call them my close friends, with all my heart I worry about them.
True, there are different moments. For example, the girls started a cat without asking me or the owner of the apartment, and a year later - a little dog. Then Natasha decided to move to another apartment, where she could not be with a cat - and she just left her neighbor. Nadia is now gathering with another neighbor - and also easily gave her dog. I try to explain to them that this is inhuman, but I understand why they are not able to bear responsibility for another being. They were treated like this - and they do the same.
Future
With my husband, a videographer, we made a general production - we shoot videos. Six months ago, we moved to New York. For us, with the guys, it was a difficult moment - but we always stay in touch, and they, like real close friends, understand that I have my own family, that I work, and sometimes I may not pick up the phone. Someone goes headlong into volunteering, forgets about family and loved ones - but I distribute the energy and take the task by myself. I would very much like my system to become the norm: Nadia and Natasha are already here, and they too could transport someone, such as girlfriends from an orphanage, to help them adapt. But, unfortunately, there are no people willing to move. Children are just afraid to change something and go to the city, they believe that they will not cope. In the entire history of the orphanage in Kostino Nadia, Natasha and Maxim are the first to work and live independently in Moscow.
I dream of making the international passport for the guys - I’m just going to be in Moscow for three weeks, let's do it. I want them to understand what it is like to go abroad, even if somewhere in Turkey in the "all inclusive" format. They also want to save some small savings. They have plans for life: maybe, later, when they have stability, it will be possible to sell their apartments in the village and make the first installment already for new housing. But these are plans - and while they have to be pushed all the time: "You can go on vacation, you can buy an apartment." Because they can do anything. I always tell them that they can achieve everything in life - the main thing is not to look back at your past, not to feel sorry for yourself and use every chance.
By and large, they don’t need them at all - they don’t need ten New Year's concerts in a row. In this case, the guys love to play football, but the football match has never been
For those who want to help children, it is important to remember a few things. First, it is difficult. This is not a Cinderella tale, when everyone in the final will be happy and thankful to you. You can make friends with them, and next time they will forget your name. Secondly, you need to be more responsible with gifts. No need to think that children live in poverty and they will be pleased with old jeans or the once beloved sandals. I find it embarrassing for people who donate well-worn things to orphanages and feel like noble patrons of art. Pupils of orphanages are the same children as your own or the children of your friends. What gift would you give your goddaughter? And the matter is not at all in price, but in relation to. Because - and this is the third - they don’t need things at all. We do not need ten New Year's concerts in a row, because on holidays companies that want to do much good for orphans become more active. My children from Kostya were nine times at the zoo - they come there every summer. But, although they love to play football, they have never been to a football match. My friend helped with the tickets for the match CSKA, for which the guys were sick all the orphanage - and I brought them to Moscow to watch the game, it was cool.
The most valuable thing for guys is probably if you are ready to make friends with them, respond to messages, ask how they are doing. They are interested to talk, find out how your life is going on, what is happening in the world at all. These are the exact same children, and they understand perfectly well what is new and what is interesting. Just go to the store and buy things - this is the easiest. And you can try to come without anything - just talk.
