"Older, please!": As a young age interferes in work and in life
The world is obsessed with the cult of youth: looking at your age is almost embarrassing, and the anti-age industry offers new ways to trick time. But this applies only to the appearance, in the professional sphere, young people, as a rule, are either not taken seriously, or like a curiosity. To get a job in 45 years is hard, but in 25 years is not easier. As a result, we find ourselves in a vicious circle: today is still too young for this job, and tomorrow it is too old. We talked with young people who faced with ageism, about how to overcome prejudices, why not only the boss can hurt, but also his own family and what stereotypes they themselves support.
When I turned 18, most of my environment was ten years older. Accordingly, they all discussed among themselves some adult topics: work, apartments, trips. Probably, the desire to support the conversation was for me the first impulse to consciously skip the period of "student" life and be at the next stage. And then I first faced with ageism (even if you have the nominal signs of adulthood, for others you are still a "baby"), and then wallowed in the invented struggle with it.
At first it was very difficult for me to stop: I attracted as many “adult” attributes as possible to my life, so that I could be perceived as my own everywhere. From a friend's innocent joke to the seller’s oblique view in the showroom - everything made me seem older and more status-friendly. At some point I found myself in a relationship with a person much older than me, with a child, with an uncontrollable dog in my arms, problems at work and at the institute. Then I realized that it wasn’t really my life, that I took on the invented image of a happy media housewife and didn’t cope with any part of this kit. Because I’m different, I’m still ten years from this image, and I must honestly admit that I’m not at all pulling this level of responsibility.
It seems to me that this situation was associated not only with my personal experiences. No matter how much success I achieved, I seldom heard the praise, because most of my friends did it even better. The fact that they are older than me fell out of the discussion, and as a result I was not at all proud of my achievements. At work, I always experienced a slightly condescending, maternal attitude. Even if I had been doing a project well for a long time and, I hope, the director could say something like: “Why don't you help a girl, she does everything herself”. And all at once began to nurse with me, and the accumulated status of an ordinary employee instantly disappeared.
I believe that it is worth evaluating an employee by his experience and personal qualities, but not by age in the passport. I make mistakes in my work - scold me like the others, I make progress - praise. If you take a young employee to the company, it means that you should be satisfied with his age - then during work you forget about him completely. At a recent interview, when I said that I live separately from my parents, the next question was: "So are you married?" And I probably still lucky, because I work in a fairly creative field. At parties, when you say how old you are, everyone considers it their duty to start remembering what they did at that age and how quickly time flies. When you meet people older than you, you hardly begin to argue with them what you are going to do in twenty years from now.
In my opinion, of all "-isms", it is the most difficult to deal with ageism, because even progressive people often simply do not notice it. We are on the way to erasing the concept of "gender", but the concept of "age" is still difficult to give up, because there are deep-rooted beliefs that the most important thing is life experience that comes over the years. This is partly true, but I believe that young people can share a lot with the world if they are given the floor and will be trusted more. I am glad that we have many examples of young, loud and successful (Face is even younger than me, and Lucy Stein is a bit older). Let this cause a flurry of discussion and trolling - these are very important steps.
In general, I try to concentrate on accepting myself at my age, and this is not easy. Sometimes I quickly begin to tell my friends about my work or life experience, and then briefly mention my age and watch for their reaction. I also began to spend more time with my family - trips with my parents are actually a thrill. I do not want to run ahead strongly, trying to prove something to someone. This is probably the most important recipe from all the complexes that I have developed for myself: just concentrate on myself and on what you do, and on those around you pay less attention.
I really quite often come across manifestations of ageism in my work. As a rule, it comes from people who are older than me by 10, 15, 20 years. Parents, if they are my peers or not much older, usually treat young specialists with understanding, consider that it is even better. The young doctor is a fresh head and knowledge.
Parents over the age of 40-45, on the contrary, are more likely to be convinced that now the universities are poorly taught and graduated by incompetent doctors. In my experience, older people believe more in age, Soviet education, and that the doctor who works longer knows exactly what to do and how. In my opinion, in medicine, age is absolutely not an indicator. In practice, I met very cool doctors younger than me and those who are in medicine for 30-40 years, but prescribe an absurd treatment. And it is possible to deal with the ageism in this area only in one way - to raise the prestige of medical education: after all, a university graduate cannot do anything at all.
A doctor who is faced with age discrimination at the reception, you need to show your confidence. When patients see that you are hesitant, not sure about your words, they immediately put a stigma of incompetence on you. But confidence should not be unfounded, but rely on real knowledge and scientific terminology. So a person will understand that you are a good specialist. Of course, everything needs to be done in moderation, without humiliating anyone, just to show that you understand the question, read modern materials and teaching aids, go to courses. It is necessary to talk about their past achievements, but not in the manner of "fifteen times cavalier of the order", but in passing mentioning similar medical cases from their practice and successful decisions.
In no case should not speak a person in the face that he does not understand the question. Sometimes it is worth creating at least a partial sense of self-righteousness with him. Even if a 50-year-old professor categorically says that a patient is treated absolutely incorrectly and hurts himself, he may go to another doctor. But if to be more streamlined, to use the wording "in general, you are a young man, but I would not do this," then you can take the patient to your side.
In my first year at school I was 22, while the average age of the teaching staff was from 45 to 50 years. It is clear that they treated me differently. The worst thing is that the first question that was asked me right in the forehead was about whether I sleep with the director. And the truth is, why should a young girl voluntarily go to work at school? Sometimes it seems to me that young teachers in school are habitually treated like pupils.
All the events, all the retreats, all the organization of something in the school falls on the younger teachers with the wording: "Let the youth work, we otpahali in due time." Many older teachers are forced to do their work with the same wording: "Well, you are young, is it difficult for you?"
However, any constructive suggestions are rejected. Often without any explanations at all, because, because of age, your opinion does not interest anyone, and every word across is perceived not as a discussion, but as disrespect.
Two years ago I got a job at a municipal institution as a PR specialist, and the average age of my colleagues was about 40 years. Most of them already had grown-up children, so they immediately began treating me like a child. I will not go into the details of endless conversations about the dangers of the Internet and new technologies for the younger generation. It annoyed me that sometimes I was banned from doing my job.
Once I made a poster of the event, tried to make it attractive, so that more people came. As a result, my option did not work, because the team did not want to change something in the usual scheme of work. And to my objections I heard only something in the spirit: "Why, you don’t understand anything, I have been in this field for thirty years." For me, it remains a mystery why people cannot accept that life has changed and in such a field as PR, a young specialist will obviously have fresher knowledge.
In general, I could not have my own opinion, because I am young and incompetent. Once we had an exhibition of paintings, one of which I did not like, and I suggested choosing another. In response, I immediately received accusations that I had no right to my judgments, I did not understand anything in art, and the paintings were selected by a professional jury with a special education. But the fact is that I also have a profile education. And if this is their main criterion, then I can also judge.
Such cases can be remembered endlessly. I do not think that with ageism can be fought. It is inevitable: we can never feel the tragedy of a three-year-old child from the loss of a machine or understand the nostalgia of a pensioner for Soviet ice cream. Personally, it suits me to look young, I always carry a passport with me, and if I’m completely taken out, I try to prove my competence by deed, not by psychological pressure.
From an early age I began to help my father in work related to the construction in the system of state tenders. I was engaged in technical tasks. Especially did not attach any importance to this, although it seemed to work out well. I wanted to study at the Faculty of Business Informatics and generally connect my life with the IT-sphere. So that his father's orders performed more for pro forma.
But in 18-19 years I had an urgent need for money: I wanted to live separately from my parents. I had to look for a job that would not interfere with my studies. The choice predictably fell on the vacancy of the tender manager - this is exactly the area in which I helped my father.
At first I had to sit in the office and quietly do the tasks, especially without talking to anyone. But it turned out that I began to grow because I won the largest tenders - they simply did not expect it from me. As a result, we had to communicate with people from this environment: civil servants (heads of business units, schools, kindergartens) and suppliers who introduced us to future customers. The authorities began to throw me on the embrasure.
Most distrust was on the part of officials. They perceived me as a courier. An 18-19-year-old boy (who looked even younger) was sitting in front of them, and they did not take into account either my opinion or my advice. Although by that time I already understood enough in my business. I wanted to help, speed up the process, but it all came down to bureaucracy and red tape. Everyone had a question in their eyes: "Where is that great uncle who was supposed to come. Why did they send a youngster who will spoil everything now?" However, over time, I became more confident, I realized that without me it would be very difficult for customers to figure it out. Closing in on myself, I only complicated everything. Sometimes customers tried to contact my boss bypassing me - it was unpleasant for me and for him.
I am glad that I have found a sphere in which I am genuinely interested in working. Although at first I felt insecure when faced with large orders of several tens of millions of rubles. I understood that if I did everything correctly, I would not be able to harm myself and the company, but still I was irrationally afraid. Especially in the first meetings with suppliers and customers - my knees practically shook.
Relatives also had distrust: at first they did not believe that I would succeed in such a position at such a young age. My parents worked in the public sector for almost 25 years and were worried about the fact that I worked in a commercial company. They were afraid that I was somehow deceived.
Despite the fact that I myself came across ageism at work, I understand that I also discriminate against people according to age, but it is hard to get rid of it. I will never turn to a young lawyer, because I believe that experience is important in this matter. I do not want to work with a young man in my position in another company, because I do not believe that everyone may be interested in this profession. I think that now there are places in which ageism only flourishes, for example, in investment activities. Due to the fact that many start-ups burn out like matches, people are less willing to invest in projects run by young people.
I am completely insensitive to any kind of “isism”, and I was hardly ever truly discriminated against. The only thing I encountered in practice was Ageism, and in both directions. I'm too old to, say, learn and relearn, and too young to lead.
The first memorable incident happened to me when I was preparing to launch a dry cleaner, which I own together with my partners. For about two weeks, we were intensively texting and calling back with a supplier of equipment and chemistry. Managers enthusiastically advised me, trying to sell more of everything. And so I came to their office. I was dressed, as they say, undignified: pink sneakers and a blue jacket. My appearance noticeably disappointed them. And if salespeople with their boss just looked askance at me, the technologist and engineer asked without any equivocation: "How old are you? Where do you get the money? Can you run a whole bath-and-laundry enterprise and manage it?"
I, young and green, at first became confused by such arrogance, but then I pulled myself together and said that their business was to sell and service the cars, and everything else was my personal difficulties. For extremely rational reasons, we did not agree with this company, and I chose another supplier company. We communicated with its employees only by phone and e-mail right up to the commissioning of the machines. And so I arrived at the airport to meet an engineer: I recognized him immediately (by the suitcase with the tools), but he did not. Half an hour later, politely, he asked where the director was, she promised to be. I said it was me, but for some reason he was upset.
There are still awkward moments with clients when they demand to call a senior. Others, on the contrary, worry that the authorities will not award me, and write pleasant comments to the guestbook.
In general, ageism is not a big problem for me. According to the Hamburg score, nobody cares what sex I am, age, ethnicity or gender. Everyone wants to fulfill obligations and when they realize that the absence of noticeable wrinkles on my face does not make me less reliable, they stop paying attention to it.
I received my lawyer status at 23 years old, and as a student I worked as an assistant investigator - in this job I was seen as a little girl who runs around among men for amusement and some kind of help. But the saddest thing for a novice lawyer is when you are not perceived as a professional in your own family. For relatives, you are always a child and do not understand anything. How many times have I tried to get into my everyday legal problems with my opinion, and when I really could help, but no one listened to me.
And then it was only worse. Here I am already a lawyer, but for potential clients I do not look competent enough due to age. It seems to them that their supposedly rich life experience can help in solving legal problems, but, as a rule, their experience is prejudice that only hinders. For example, it is now convenient to contact law enforcement agencies via the Internet (there are special electronic messages). This procedure is sufficiently effective, since it is more difficult to dismiss the applicant. Many customers do not trust treatment via the Internet, it seems to them that going to the reception and shaking their rights will be more fun and efficient, and this, alas, is not so.
Often the client just wants an older lawyer. She comes to a consultation, sees a young lawyer and, even without receiving a consultation, asks him to be replaced. I do not know why professionals are judged on the principle of brandy. Older does not always mean more professional!
There is also ageism in relations with colleagues. Employees of law enforcement agencies and courts look at you, then at the date of issuance of your certificate and instantly make a conclusion about your professional qualities. I think ageism is not going anywhere - this is a defensive reaction of the older generation, or rather, insecure people. A true professional will never treat a colleague depending on age. How to deal with it? Remain professional in any situation, improve skills and wear glasses to seem more serious.
When I was offered to become the editor-in-chief of LAM, the thought "am I not too young?" never for a moment appeared in my head. I have worked for a long time in the editorial office, I had a good idea of what to do, and I used to work day and night, so I had no doubt that I would manage. Мне и в голову не приходило, что 21 год - это "слишком мало", или что в этом возрасте надо заниматься чем-то другим. Оказалось, что для многих людей это именно так. Возраст был единственным, что вообще людей во мне интересовало; одни поддерживали, другие завидовали, третьи ругали, но все опирались только на тот факт, сколько мне лет.When the reasoning began that I had just slept with someone to become Glavred, or at least I had influential patrons, I stopped reading the comments — fortunately, there were even a few things to do. I decided to refuse interviews in which I had to defend my age, and asked to postpone them at least several months in advance, when my work in the editorial board would speak for me. But, fortunately, by that time everyone had already lost interest in me (and I was 22).
Ageism is now no less a problem than sexism, and it is almost more difficult to deal with it: both teenagers and the elderly, to whom this primarily applies, in a society take the position of outsiders without a voice, whose opinion does not really interest anyone. Even the growing public obsession with “youth” and teenagers essentially adopts adolescent culture without providing in return any platform for expressing their opinion. There are a lot of teenagers among Replika users where I work now, and they often mention during interviews that our AI interlocutor is the only one who is generally ready to listen to them and is really interested in their experience, world views and problems. Every adult feels it his duty to teach teens to live and share their experience with them, thus devaluing what they themselves want to say.
With older people, things seem to be even more difficult: many find it hard to stay at work or find a new one, starting at 45, in the prime of their creative and professional strength, while young people strive to remain “young” with all their strength so that they will not suffer the same fate Now I am 25, I just got out of the age when my opinion meant nothing, because I was too few years old, and entered the age when I need to invest in anti-aging and injection remedies so that I don’t get too old otherwise my opinion will cease to mean something again.
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