Faceofdepression: How to tell others about the diagnosis
In social networks passes flash mob #faceofdepression, designed to draw attention to mental disorders - depression and not only; even our editorial staff took part. The society still does not know how to react to them: disorders surround myths, and the more difficult the diagnosis, the more serious the stigma. Some names of diseases are still used as curses: "schizophrenic", "idiot" or simply "gone." And if the disorder is not so severe as to deprive a person of his capacity, then he may not be believed. Even under posts with a flash mob hashtag about depression that has no face, comments appear like: “I don’t know when I feel bad, I’m just not taking photos.” Thus, many prefer to remain silent, including refusing professional help - meanwhile, according to WHO, hundreds of millions of people have mental disorders.
The good news is that they are trying to break the barrier: Prince Harry opposes stigmatization, Sinead O'Connor tells how difficult it is to live with the disease when you are not accepted by your relatives, Lady Gaga and Amanda Seyfried openly talk about mental problems. In the Russian-language Internet, Telegram has become a place where you can calmly tell, and most importantly, learn about mental diseases, perhaps in many respects because there are no comments and likes. We collected personal stories of girls who are telegraph channels, and asked the psychotherapist Alexei Karachinsky, the author of the channels "Psychotherapist Diary", "Psychology" and "Critical Thinking" to give some advice to those who have not yet decided to come to light.
My first meeting with a psychiatrist occurred at the age of eighteen, then I often fainted for some reason - in the hospital, where I got after another faint, I was sent to talk to a psychiatrist. I was worried and for some reason rejoiced - I’ll see a psychiatrist! This! The psychiatrist was very nice, advised me to go to the neurosis clinic and prescribed an antidepressant. I left the hospital and immediately flew away to the manic phase, I quit the pills - and that was how I felt very well. Six months later, I was covered with depression, I was treated, my parents gave me money for antidepressants without any questions. About the bar then there was no speech, I was diagnosed with a depressive or asthenic disorder. I told my friends that I drink psychotropic pills, the reaction was different: someone asked to share, to “twitch”, someone thought that I thus attract attention to myself. Parents, it seems, too.
And then there was a breakdown, mania, going into a psychosis with delirium, an attempt at suicide, and I ended up in a private hospital. It seems that it was then that the parents realized that there was really something very wrong with me. After that hospital, I went to recover at the neurosis clinic. Friends visited me regularly, I decided not to say anything to classmates until I asked - but no one asked specifically. I was treated for “depression” for a long time, and I didn’t have a problem to tell my friends and colleagues that I was drinking antidepressants, I don’t remember any negative reactions.
The diagnosis was only clarified a year and a half ago, and a problem arose. If I could calmly tell almost anyone about depression, then admit that I have a BAR, it turned out to be incredibly difficult. I started a channel in the telegraph, but for three months I did not write anything there, I understood it. Parents, friends and loved ones responded calmly. Well, yes, well, BAR, but you yourself have not changed because they made the diagnosis. And I sobbed with horror. A month later my sister called me and, crying into the phone, told me that she was diagnosed with a BAR, and then I began to console her. Little by little, I began to talk about my diagnosis. In closed groups on Facebook, some colleagues in the smoking room. In response, I received either sympathy or mistrust: "But you look so normal." Distrust badly hurt.
I began to write on the channel, mostly about my personal experience, but soon this was not enough. It is getting harder and harder for me to keep silent. I am still afraid to stand on a stool and openly declare that here I am, Anastasia, I am twenty-seven, I have BAR-2, but I still like that which is cool. Now I do not work and I am afraid that when I begin to look for work, my mental disorder will scare away potential employers. But I am already writing about this on my personal Facebook page - while under lock and key for my friends. I understand that there can be no real privacy on the Internet, and anyone, if you set a goal, will declassify me in two accounts. But maybe that's what I'm waiting for. I definitely don’t want to hide my illness somehow somehow shamefully, but I’m still afraid to loudly declare it from my face.
Alexey Karachinsky, psychotherapist:
To tell or not is an individual decision. If a disease can somehow threaten society, then, of course, we must talk about it in order not to deceive anyone. But there are no general recommendations. If the disease does not interfere with others, then it is not necessary to tell. If, for example, schizophrenia, about which effective treatment is carried out, does not affect work and contacts with people, then colleagues or clients can not talk about it. There are patients with attention deficit disorder, which also does not affect communication between people - it is just difficult for a person to focus on one thing. And here there are no problems with telling or not.
Of course, in case of complex, serious violations, one should look for internal reinforcement in order to make a coming out and get out with it to people - at least relatives and friends. It is important to understand the meaning - what it is for - and find the form of the message itself. But not everything is as bad as it seems. The task of the patient is to debunk certain myths that society suffers from, and it suffers from them, because we do not communicate with each other. So the story of the disease is calm information.
My memories of the first visit to a psychiatrist are rather vague: I am sitting in the hospital bed of the First City Hospital far enough away from this unfamiliar man and telling him about my political views. I do not even remember why he asked me this question, but I remember well how we talked about Navalny, and then he said that I most likely have asthenic disorder. I was not scared. Before that, I conducted my own research and decided that I had, most likely, an atypical depression: I was constantly sleeping, crying and eating. My good friend's mom who worked at this hospital first sent me to a psychologist, but this did not help, so she asked the psychiatrist to talk to me.
I live with my parents, so the question of whether or not to tell was not - it was normal to do it. I went with my mother to a psychiatrist, who told her about my condition, made recommendations for treatment and advised not to throw him. Mom was at first very much surprised that this was happening to me, but she had no distrust. In this regard, I was very lucky with my parents and family: everyone calmly perceived the fact that I was upset. Although several times I heard strange things from one of the grandmothers in the spirit of “stop whining, get a grip on myself,” but I stopped paying attention to it: it’s easier for me not to argue with her than to prove my position. It became uncomfortable for me only when I applied to a state institution, where the doctor was interested in how many years I lost my virginity (I don’t know why the psychiatrist had this information), and did not behave very understandingly, for example, asked what I wanted from her.
I have never concealed that I am sick; I always knew that there were such disorders, so it was easy for me to accept myself and my condition. To hide is to lie to myself, but I did not want to. All friends are aware of my frustration, because almost all of them have encountered depression or panic attacks in their lives. I had to somehow explain why I was gone for a month (I was in a psychiatric hospital) and hadn’t talked to them for weeks, so I just plucked up courage and told everything from time to time. I'm probably lucky: no one turned away from me at this moment.
Then I created a channel in Telegram and since then I have not hidden frustration from anyone. On the contrary, I posted links about him in my social networks so that people would know about it. So someone from classmates knows that I am ill, some of them are subscribed to my channel, someone thanks for what I do, and this is incredibly important. I made a decision to lead the channel spontaneously, not fully aware of what it would be about, and just for a long time just told my story. There was much more positive, but there was also negative - it was unbearably painful from this, so much that I wanted to stop this whole undertaking. In general, it was a good therapy - to live my own emotions, at the moment I feel healthy and not ready to share so personal.
Alexey Karachinsky, psychotherapist:
The main reason we are embarrassed to talk about ourselves is the opinion of others. Each of us has authority, and we often confuse them with experts. Is it important to listen to the opinion of authorities: mothers, grandmothers, people in line? It seems to us that yes, but is this opinion expert? Not usually. When we identify the people around with those who understand the issue, we make a mistake. To look at other people less, you need to develop self-sufficiency - you can work on this. As for the ability to speak out, including on the Internet, this is also a form of psychotherapy. If it helps - great, but if it's hard, then you shouldn't go against yourself.
For me it all started on the way to a psychiatrist - I thought everyone would look at me and think that I was going to a psychiatric clinic. It turned out easier than I expected. We have a clinic in the country, there is little transport there, so at the “Hospital” bus stop all “ours” go out: relatives, patients ask for information - and no one looks at each other. Before the first reception, I found myself in a corridor full of stern middle-aged men: some motor transportation company brought in large quantities of drivers for a mandatory physical examination. Of course, they asked what kind of certificate I came here for. When they found out that they were not for help, but “at the reception,” they nodded, turned away and started a conversation with their neighbors in turn about labor exploits. In general, no one poked a finger and did not even look strangely in my direction.
It was scary to say to someone, I didn’t even want to take a hospital to be treated for two weeks in the day hospital where I was sent: I took a vacation and spent it on the hospital. While I was collecting tests to go to the hospital, I discovered a bonus. I had to go to an ordinary polyclinic for inquiries, for some reason the woman at the reception did not want to write me a coupon for a therapist and refused to tell me where they give directions for the necessary tests, and the list with the doctor’s stamp did not interest her. But as soon as she asked who sent me, and I replied that the psychiatric clinic, the voucher appeared instantly. This word "psychiatric" for the whole hall was very hard for me - but I understood how to use it. The next morning, the laboratory technician who would take the tests was not there, and the nurses from the neighboring rooms shrugged their shoulders until I said again: "I have to pass the test urgently to go to a psychiatric hospital tomorrow." One of the nurses went off somewhere and returned with a lab after a couple of minutes.
They told me about themselves in the hospital. A clinical psychologist worked there, who did not deal with the treatment, but helped to learn how to live in a new status. She herself offered to bring her husband to the hospital so that he could be told what was happening to me and how he would live with it. One conversation was enough for us to change a lot for the better. In general, I was very lucky that my husband accepted everything quite calmly and supported everything. With parents it was more difficult. I sat with my mother in the kitchen, suddenly realized that I couldn’t hide anymore and pretend that I was doing well and that I was an excellent student at school. She told me that I am being treated and that this is most likely forever.
My mom first asked if I could give birth with such a diagnosis. I replied that it was not, because it is hereditary - although at that time I had no idea whether it was true or not. Just why it is necessary to start a conversation about grandchildren, when it's me, her child, now I'm sick and it hurts? There was a period when everyone wanted to speak first in the face that I was "crazy" and observe the reaction. But it quickly passed: the treatment of my diagnoses generally implies pofigism and independence from the opinions of others, I am gradually learning this.
Now I calmly react to myself and my condition. Ask - tell, do not ask - and do not. My exacerbations are accompanied by painful insomnia and migraines, so if I suddenly need to take time off from work or take sick leave, I always hide behind just insomnia and headache. Here are just a mother in law, I will not tell under any pretext or for anything. I do not want to invent an answer again to the question of whether I can give birth.
Alexey Karachinsky, psychotherapist:
Of course, ideally with relatives it is necessary to talk sincerely about mental disorders so that they do not hear about it from someone else and do not feel deceived. But it is better to know in advance how they relate to this kind of problems: talk to them about a fictional acquaintance or watch a movie on the topic you need to figure out how to prepare for the news. It is necessary to open the topic gradually so that there is no jump from “everything was normal” to a serious illness.
It is best to ask for help. To say not just "I am sick", but "I have such and such a problem, I need such and such help and support." When we ask for help, the person feels necessary, and this form of communication will be optimal. It is good when a person with a mental problem has a doctor whom he trusts. You can not only learn from the doctor how best to talk about your illness, but also ask whether the doctor can provide informative help and advise relatives.
Photo:karandaev - stock.adobe.com, Luis Santos - stock.adobe.com