Hello, what are you doing: Is it worth being afraid of drunk calls and SMS

Elena Smolina

deputy GQ chief editor

"Sometimes at night I have such seizures - with alcohol and phone calls" (Kurt Vonnegut, "Slaughterhouse number five, or the Crusade of Children")

You very gently start with a glass of white, even eat something, and in general you for a while. Literally half an hour. Next to someone, they already burned their hair with a cigarette, for some reason, the reflection in the mirror changed into a T-shirt with the symbolism of the institution, a new shot appears in the hand itself, legs hurt terribly, “Sunny,” "and when the chorus, hitting the disco ball, returns a glare on someone else's nose, you realize that you have to call him.

Drunk dialing is a severe form of addiction, a virus that begins to boil in the blood as soon as alcohol gets into it. It is believed that anyone, friends, relatives, the boss, my first teacher, can be in the zone of defeat of a drunken call. In fact, virtually nothing threatens the bosses: our former (highest risk), current (lowest) and future (moderate risk) risks are in danger. A person infected with a virus may behave very decently sober, but if he drinks a drink, he takes his illness: "Sleep? I hate you, brute. Hey. I miss you so much."

When and under what circumstances a drunk call was first recorded, science is unknown, but drunk dialing itself arose long before the invention of the telephone and was carried out with the help of letters. How many “love letters of great people” were written in sober form? Is it possible to say for sure that before sending the most heartbreaking letter to Fanny, John Keats did not open the bottle of claret? As for Tatyana's letter, Larina was “scared to count” precisely because she wrote sober her letter — veterans of drank daling are not rereading.

With the development of technology letters faded into the background. And the most common types of drunk dials are:

Call

Likely text "Ale, it's me! Well, I! I was just thinking, well, maybe see you? Yes, I myself do not have the time, my new boyfriend goes to the IPO! Yes, he is a rugby player and goes to the IPO! I accidentally called you! This is a hoax, loser, ha ha ha. "

Underwater rocks As a rule, the caller is programmed to win, and the victory is when he says that he was waiting for your call, he dried out of love and left immediately. In fact, it is worth preparing for the fact that he can not pick up the phone (do not include automatic redial), ask: "Who is who?" - or say: "In touch, mother."

Message on the answering machine

Likely text "This is, of course, terribly stupid, but do you remember how we went to the stadium / cosmodrome / beacon / picnic? You then said that our relationship ..." (endlessly).

Underwater rocks The option is bad because no one stops you.

SMS

Likely text “This fucking Space Oddity is playing here in the bar, and I, of course, think about you, because all the time I fucking think nothing of you is worthless. Will I stop by?”

Underwater rocks Unlike a call, an SMS (like a message on an answering machine) does not dissolve in the predawn air: it will remain. SMS should not be long: too long SMS - white flag regardless of content. Long message = I am more than not indifferent.

Facebook status

Likely text "And to know that everything is lost, That life is a damned hell! Oh, I was sure that you would come back."

Underwater rocksA drunk person will not dig into the settings. So everyone will see it. Colleagues, friends, children of friends (they like it), subscribers. On the other hand, in the morning you can erase everything and pretend that there was nothing.

Also

SnapchatA short, often unimportant video with a signature. Fortunately, self-destruct immediately after viewing.

InstagramA self-portrait that speaks to the world (often with the help of the duck face): "I am beautiful and cheerful and quite, not a bit, I don’t think about you either."

MMS yourself in the nudeRadically, but immediately reveals whether the recipient is an asshole: with non-assists there are no consequences.

All these methods are completely powerless against the song of a common favorite band in the columns

Humanity is trying to stop the spread of drunk dialing as it can. Most applications (Designated Dialer for iPhone or DrunkBlocker for Android), before allowing you to call or write to someone from the black list, will offer to take a test of intoxication.

Don't Dial! blocks calls for a specific (up to 24 hours) period, however, a friend who knows the password and considers the caller quite sober can remove the block. The application with the captivating name Bad Decision Blocker does not allow you to send e-mails, write messages and make calls. And only iDrunk Dialer encourages drunken calls, but only to those who are supposed to be happy in any case.

Drunk calls — and yourself — can be fought with folk remedies: giving the phone to your friends for storage (too easy to get back), put the battery (then it's difficult to order a taxi), erase dangerous numbers from the address book (alas, even if you don’t remember number by heart, you can always ask your friends). The problem is that all these methods are completely powerless against the song of a common favorite band in the columns, against the dude squeezing past, who smells like the same cigarettes, against the feeling that you really do not want to look at yourself with a high sober head. life from the side. Yes, drunk dialing is a sticky feeling of shame in the morning, it's a risk to get a slap in the face, it is generally a rather ridiculous genre. And at the same time, drunk, you just do what you are afraid to make sober - to return, call, yell, say it as it is, apologize. Maybe tomorrow you will be embarrassed, but this is really better than polite and cowardly nothing.