Checklist: 7 Signs That You Behave Arrogantly
alexander savina
Many of us would like to become more confident - it helps both in work (important issues are better dealt with with a cool head) and in personal relations in order to assert our borders. When you are confident, it is easier for you to make decisions, focusing only on yourself, and not on what others would like from you. But here, as usual, there are nuances: sometimes we are looking for confidence not in ourselves, but outside, and behind what we consider to be faith in our own strength, there is a desire to assert oneself for others and passive aggression. We have collected a few signs that will help you to understand whether you are behaving arrogantly and not trying to feel better and more confident by suppressing those around you.
1
You say ambiguous compliments
We have already told why making compliments is so difficult: often there is a manipulation behind them or a desire to transfer the conversation to themselves. Doubtful compliments stand out in the general series - this is a double-bottom praise, when you seem to praise the person, but add an additional meaning to the seemingly harmless phrase, which negates all approval. “Not bad for a girl,” “I didn’t think that you could do it”, “We are all imperfect,” “It’s great, sorry, it didn’t work out faster” - all this has little to do with a sincere, friendly compliment and more like a demonstration of that you seem to understand and know more than another person. So the next time you want to give a compliment, evaluate whether there are any hidden meanings in it.
2
Others are constantly justified when they tell you something.
It also happens that people around you know that it’s not easy to communicate with a person and are knowingly preparing for it - for example, they suspect that any of their ideas or plans will not be good enough, so they talk about them, apologizing in advance, or don’t tell at all. If this is your case and you can’t remember when someone was praised for the last time, this is at least a reason to think: is it really that bad what others are telling you, or are you just afraid that you will look worse on their background?
3
You often gossip
There are many different reasons behind the desire to discuss other people, their lives, thoughts and decisions, but in the case of arrogance and passive aggression everything is quite concrete. You find yourself discussing other people and condemning what they do - but you are sure that this happens not because you like gossip, but because you supposedly care about them. "From best intentions" you tell in the office that a colleague would cope with the project much worse if they did not help her in time to detect the error (and you are worried that this can happen again), explaining that a friend has time to combine child care and work only because the baby is engaged in the grandmother (and you are worried about the child) and so on.
In practice, all these stories may not hide concern for others, but the desire to point out their mistakes and condemn them. Consider whether it is worth doing it - after all, every person is free to do with his life what he wants, even if it does not fit into the ideas of others, including your own.
4
You believe that there are two opinions: yours and the wrong
Of course, the idea of "your and wrong" opinions is exaggerated - but its manifestations can be seen in yourself. There is nothing wrong with feeling confident in one’s own position - but in principle there is a huge difference between this quality and the unwillingness to listen to others. “Arrogant people consider opinions that are different from their own unimportant — and if someone disagrees with them, decide that they are not respected or attacked,” says psychologist Inna Kazan. “Confident people, on the contrary, afraid to listen to other points of view and discuss them. " Even if you do not agree with another person, you never stop him from just listening: you can find something useful for yourself in other people's thoughts or make sure once again that the arguments of other people do not work in this situation, that is, you are right. If you think that the only way to defend your point of view is not to give words to others, evaluate whether your arguments are so good and if you are not trying to close your self-doubt.
5
You do not explain to others the reasons for refusal.
This rule applies primarily to work, but may also manifest itself in other areas. You may have come across such a colleague or were yourself a person who, during a general meeting, simply criticized all the ideas, without considering it necessary to explain what the problem was and how else one could solve the problem. Constructive criticism is a complex skill that is not acquired right away: the ability to criticize in a matter is appropriately and reasonably necessary to cultivate in oneself. To perceive it calmly, especially when it comes to something important for us, is also not easy - but in this case, instead of a senseless dispute, the working meeting turns into a reasoned conversation. If you feel that you are refusing to accept other people's ideas simply because they do not belong to you, think about it and try to catch yourself doing it. Experts advise starting small - not generalize (“Such an approach will never work,” “We have always done differently, and it suited everyone”), but concentrate on the facts. This will immediately make the conversation more specific.
6
You do not notice that offend others
Sometimes, because it seems arrogant to us, there is a passive aggression - the reluctance (or impossibility) to express directly that a person actually feels, because of what anger breaks out, for example, in praise with a “double bottom” or in veiled insults. It also happens that a person understands that he wants to say something that will be unpleasant to another, and tries to hide it - then constructions like “I don’t want to seem rude (oops), but ...”, “I do not blame anyone, but ... "or" I do not want to offend you, but ... ". Naturally, the union "but" is not an indulgence - and your interlocutor certainly feels that he is being condemned, rude to him and saying something offensive. All this, of course, does not mean that it is necessary to be rude to the interlocutor, to offend him and say "the harsh truth" (remember that all this hardly falls under the definition of constructive criticism) - but look at what you actually broadcast to others They can perceive your innocuous at first glance messages, exactly useful.
7
You used to interrupt
From time to time this happens with everyone: in the midst of a conversation, you realize that you are arguing so fiercely that you interrupt or shout down others, without letting your interlocutors insert a word. We don’t say that it’s good (hardly in a situation where everyone is shouting, even if someone is listening to other people's arguments), but if this happens rarely, you don’t have reason to worry. It’s another thing if it became a habit and you interrupt the interlocutors on the machine, not allowing them to finish the thought - because you think that you understood everything, or you think that they will not say anything of value. If this happens to you, think about why you are doing this: do you think that what you are saying automatically has more “weight”?
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