Sex Change: How I became a man
Modern gender studies claim that the concepts of "man" and "woman" are not so much biological as social, and between these two poles there are still many opportunities for self-determination. Wonderzine gives the floor to people who have had to adjust their body so that their self-perception coincides with the biological sex. We have already talked to lawyer Masha Bast about how she changed her life, officially changing her gender. In our second material - the story of a man who not so long ago was a woman.
I can't even remember the moment when I realized that I do not live in my body, it all began in a very early childhood. I already remember in hindsight that when my sister and I played dolls, all of her characters were girls, and mine were boys. Even in Soviet times, when everyone dressed more or less equally, I almost did not wear girlish clothes, and if my sister had a toy, for example, had a squirrel, then I had a black kite. And when I already announced to my relatives about my decision, they took it as something natural: they saw that I had been going to him all my life.
I cannot fix the moment now when I decided that I want to live in a male body. At that moment, when the child turns into a teenager, he realizes what his gender is, and he already defines his social role. And at that moment I felt discomfort. But at first I, of course, did not understand the reasons. I did not want to think about why this was happening, for a long time I tried to reject such thoughts. For example, it became uninteresting to choose the clothes that girls wear. What parents bought, that one wore. I just avoided conflict with reality. It was uncomfortable, but familiarly uncomfortable. And when I started dating girls, I thought about who I was: a lesbian or what? I met with one man, because his signs of attention were pleasant to me, but it was still uncomfortable for me, and I stopped this relationship. I was then 15 years old. When I already started dating only girls, discontent still went nowhere. It was a period when I personified myself with lesbians. In my circle it was considered quite natural.
Then, at 19, I realized that I was not a typical lesbian, just because I cut my hair short and loved girls. I didn’t know how they were, towards a man’s image, I didn’t have to focus on him, because I already felt comfortable in him. For me it was an internal discrepancy, then an external one. Of course, the Internet has simplified my life: chat rooms allowed me to be anonymous, and the people I met online had already treated me the way I imagined myself anonymously when I switched to offline communication. Of course, I told the institute about my plans only to my close friends and decided that I would do the operation after it was over - after all, we had a case when two boys were caught together and expelled. In any institute, it was not a gay friendly environment, and I didn’t want me to be treated primarily as “such”, and secondly, as a student. The second reason is that six months after the operation, you need to change the documents and make all teachers contact me in a new way ... Imagine, a lot of people need to be devoted to this topic. I was not ready for this. Because they will not look at you like a man, but at best like a trance. But rather - like a strange girl. Even now, when everything is behind, I sometimes meet my former teachers, and they treat me perfectly, I am friends with them on Instagram and Facebook. Of course, there were a couple of acquaintances who, after my decision, said: “Sorry, we cannot communicate,” but two people are not many.
I am sometimes asked why, if I like to have sex with girls, I just did not remain a lesbian. But this is not only a question of sex, but first and foremost an inner sense of self. At some point, I realized that I could not meet a girl who looks at me exactly like a girl, although she was awesome. How many would she deny that she does. My next relationship began when I was already injecting hormones and my appearance changed.
I did the operation at 23, now I am 28. In general, it is more correct to prick hormones first, before the operation, because the chest is deflated and the operation is easier to do. I took hormones for almost a year. For the commission that gives permission for the operation, it is preferable that you live in a male role for some time. Of course, this is a long process. First, they talk to you for a long time. There are three such commissions in Moscow, but I went to St. Petersburg because I learned from my acquaintances on the Internet that a more adequate person made decisions there who did not demand to go to him for a year, and then he gives you a refusal, that's all. The person to whom I originally wanted to go in Moscow made some people go through terrible ordeals for five or six years. There are even situations when people went through everything, performed operations, and then decided to roll everything back. It's horrible. I myself knew from the very beginning that there was no going back. The commission exists for what? There are people who feel like a boy, then a girl, and then - a cat or a stool. The commission should screen out schizophrenics and doubters. Of course, there is no way back after the operation: the removed organ cannot be returned, these are very subtle things. There are men and women, a great distance between them. And there are people stuck in the middle. They hesitate, are like there and there. In Thailand, there are even schools for boys, girls, and for those who are undecided. I also can not say about myself that I am 100% male. I am also in the middle, but just closer to the man.
I am sometimes asked why, if I like to have sex with girls, I just did not stay lesbian
We do not have a law by which you can change the gender in the documents. It all happens like that. You get permission for the operation and go with her to the registry office. They are obliged to give you a refusal, because there is no such law. With this refusal, you go to court and say there: "Here, I want, but they don't give me to the registry office." And every judge decides for himself whether to allow you or not. If the judge appeals the decision of the registry office, you come back with his decision and calmly change the documents. With me in the hospital lay a guy from the Vologda region, who immediately received a new passport, because they looked at him at the registry office, said: "Yes, we see that you are a man," and immediately changed. But he had a harder time - hermaphroditism, his beard grew. Then comes the period of plastics. Since the law does not understand anything, many people generally wave their hands and remain in such a transitional state simply because they do not know what to do next. In Russia, according to the law, parents have decided for you at birth - that's all, forever. In America, you can change the floor in the passport without a certificate stating that you performed the operation. For example, you are already 55 years old, your body will not tolerate surgery well, but if you want to change the sex, you can do it.
This whole process, after which you receive permission for the operation, may take a different amount of time. In Moscow, in one well-known commission - two years. I went to St. Petersburg all in nine months. There are places where you can get permission after the first visit to the doctor for a certain amount. I did not want to go for the money, because I was sure that I would be allowed to do so.
I have not done all the operations yet, while I go to the toilet as a woman. In general, all this male-female is very interesting. I have a heterosexual couple I know, in which a man is closer to a “female” one than me, and there is a lot of male in the behavior of his girlfriend. Perhaps that is why they have such an ideal relationship. And this is not connected with sexual orientation - rather, with a social role.