Maturity and orgasm: What happens to sex after 60 years
On sex in Russian families or do not speak at all, or they say as abstractly as possible - the parents put the teenager at the dinner table and squeeze out that “you need to be protected”, while the most advanced show what a condom looks like. Hollywood and Pornhub also do not give young people realistic ideas about physical intimacy and its diversity - as a result, many adolescents are sure that all sex life occurs in the interval from the upper classes to the age of 35, and their 40-year-old parents in the bedroom are engaged exclusively in sleep. What to say about grandparents - it seems that they are hopelessly lost to sex and can be entertained only by innocent activities like knitting and walking their grandchildren. The very idea that a conditional old woman from a village sour cream advertisement can masturbate or strip in front of other people seems strange and even blasphemous - after all, old age is sacred, “autumn of life”, “golden age” and so on.
Nevertheless, sex after 60, 70 and even 90 is not an exceptional phenomenon. According to the University of Manchester, more than half of British men and about a third of women over 70 are sexually active; a similar study in the United States also showed that older Americans do not stop having sex. In Russia, with studies of sexuality, especially for people at the age, everything is difficult, but these issues affect the Center for Social Research of the RANEPA: according to Dmitry Rogozin, who conducted a large-scale survey of elderly Russians, in 70-74 years intimate life persists in 16% - this is less than in Europe and the United States, but still a lot.
Older people, like everyone else, need attention, warmth and contact with other people, including physical ones: perhaps retirees need it even more than everyone else - because when the career is over and children grow up, it becomes it is more important to maintain close relationships with a partner and to monitor health, including sexual.
Survival Age and Stone Penis
Naturally, sex at the age of 70 is not the same as at the age of 20, primarily because the body undergoes normal age-related changes. In 45-55 years, women go through menopause: for several years, the ovaries stop producing eggs and hormonal changes occur in the body, which often have unpleasant symptoms, such as hot flashes (when it suddenly becomes hot and the face starts to burn) mood swings, weakness, changes in skin texture, body proportions, the appearance of noticeable wrinkles. Many women note a decrease in libido, vaginal dryness and discomfort during penetration - due to a decrease in the amount of estrogen in the entire body, the vaginal walls become thinner and more sensitive, less grease is released. Not all women experience the negative effects of menopause, but many note depression, anxiety, and emotional instability, much like during PMS (imagine PMS that is several years long!).
Experts point out that anxiety and depressions during menopause are more common in those who have encountered them in their youth, and associate the vulnerability of the psyche during this period not only with hormones, but also with social expectations: women clearly do not feel more confident and calmer, when they are told that climax is “the decline of life”, and their “rose has faded”. The average life expectancy of women in our country exceeds 77 years - it turns out that for more than 20 years of their life, Russian women should spend in a state of "sunset." The period after retirement in official documents is called the “age of survival” - what kind of sex is there when you are offered for twenty years to nobly quench and prepare for death.
By the age of 50, an important stress factor disappears - the fear of an unplanned pregnancy, and the opportunity to receive orgasms remains
But there is good news: despite all the difficulties associated with hormonal adjustment, some women note that after menopause, their sex life has become better, because by the age of 50, an important stress factor disappears - the fear of an unplanned pregnancy, and the opportunity to get orgasms remains. Many of the unpleasant symptoms of menopause can be alleviated - including with the help of sex: we have already told you how oxytocin, which is produced during orgasm, is useful and how sexual arousal and discharge act on the body.
Men also go through age-related changes - not as drastic as women, but no less exciting. By analogy with the menopause, the processes occurring in the male body are called Andropause - this is not an entirely correct term, since men do not lose the ability to reproduce, but experience a gradual decrease in testosterone production. Every fifth man in the course of his life faces erectile dysfunction. It was previously believed that this disorder is associated with age-related changes, but now doctors are confident that it is due to medical or psychological factors: erectile dysfunction is much more common in men with diabetes, cardiovascular and neurological diseases, and it is also associated with lifestyle (for example, alcohol and cigarette habits) and psychological state - like women, many men in adulthood feel less attractive, and erectile dysfunction causes them to doubt their “husband BOUND ", which is in the collective consciousness is associated with a stone penis.
On the screen, you still can hardly see the bed scene or close-up with a kiss of people over 60
Not only diseases but also the drugs with which they are treated affect the level of attraction, ability to arouse and orgasm in both men and women. This is not as scary as it seems: most common problems can be solved by contacting an ordinary therapist, psychotherapist, sexologist or endocrinologist, who will help you choose a hormone replacement therapy. In adulthood, there are a lot of advantages that extend to sex: by the age of 50-60, people begin to better understand what they like, listen to their body and take care of it, get rid of stereotypes and unrealistic expectations.
Partners who have been living together for a long time, finally stop shy of each other - besides, if the adult children have moved safely to their homes, the parents finally have personal space and more time for each other. Single people can also be sexually active - it’s harder for them to meet partners of their age than 20-year-olds, but no one has canceled masturbation and sex toys (especially since things like vaginal balls and exercise machines help keep the pelvic muscles in good shape, so women after menopause, they are very useful). It turns out that there are no objective physiological reasons to stop having sex at 45 or at 60 - that many voluntarily refuse to have sex in adulthood, it’s primarily cultural attitudes that are to blame.
Pop culture and eternal youth
Intimacy in adulthood is a topic that popular culture ignores or makes fun of: older people who are sexually active are spoken either in the spirit of "gray beard, devil in the rib," as if they behave indecently, or ironically-appeasing - as if that people over 60 are able to love and feel pleasure, there is something extraordinary and inspiring. "The natural need for physical contact, tenderness, manifestation of sympathy and love is buried behind conversations about decent behavior, age characteristics, and special spirituality of the older age. This is ageism, or total discrimination of a person based on age," says sociologist Dmitry Rogozin.
Older people are so poorly represented in popular culture, and the romantic and sensual relationships between them show very rarely: although there is a slight shift in the cinema towards a positive image of old age, you still can hardly see the bed scene or close-up with a kiss from older people 60. One such exception is the film 45 years old, which was featured at the Berlin Film Festival, in which Charlotte Rampling and Tom Courtney play spouses who have lived together for almost half a century. The picture differs from other stories about the family crisis not only in the fact that it has a realistic bedding scene, but also in the fact that the intimate relationships of an elderly couple are shown outside the comedy context. "It was ridiculous and strange to observe how an awkward silence suddenly arose during the viewing in the auditorium; the public is sure that Charlotte’s heroine, Kate, will close the bedroom door behind him now, and the episode will end there. But it was not “We continue to shoot in the bedroom,” Andrew Haye, the director of the film, said after the premiere. “The fact that as they grow older people stop experiencing sexual attraction to each other, for me, a 42-year-old man, is a very sad circumstance.”
In most Hollywood films, sex "for those who are behind ..." appears solely as an excuse for jokes: in box office hits like "Hotel" Marigold. "The best of the exotic" all the sex scenes remain behind the scenes, and in those films where bed scenes with elderly people still have, the viewers' attention is focused on comedic difficulties, such as not being on time a crunched back or the need to run to the kitchen for Viagra. There is also a gender imbalance: scenes with the participation of mature men and much more young women are common, and almost never. 70-year-old men often play 50-year-olds, and the situation is the opposite with women: however, even if the actress’s age matches the script, real women are unlikely to associate themselves with superstars like the same Charlotte Rampling or Meryl Streep.
"45+" and pensioners of Russia
It would be dishonest to compare Russian retirees with Westerners without mentioning the differences in their standard of living: the majority of Russians over 60 live, to put it mildly, is not rich, and pressing problems like lack of drugs or food clearly push the problems with sex into the background. It’s hard to imagine that Russians over 70 rejoice in the new vibrator just as the heroine of the Grace and Franky TV series is primarily because such a vibrator costs like three pensions. The same can be said about the consultations of a sexologist, and about psychotherapy, and even about buying condoms - all this is available to a narrow stratum of more or less wealthy retirees. Nevertheless, the main problem remains ageism and a culture of shame, in which older people are denied sexuality and physicality in general.
From the USSR we got the conviction that in youth you can have a little fun, and then "we must raise children" and no longer before sex - after the birth of the grandchildren, sex should finally disappear by itself. According to surveys of Russian pensioners, it becomes clear that people refuse from physical proximity in 45-55 years voluntarily, without serious reasons - simply because it is so accepted. In the older generation, many lonely people, especially women, are affected by the difference in life expectancy, and the fact that new relationships are “at the end of life” (although “sunset” can take 20 or 30 years) to start in an unusual and scary way.
“Is it possible to live in the age of“ 45+ ”as vividly as in youth? Today, a woman is capable of even that!”, Thematic sites cheerfully state, deftly ignoring the fact that 45 is not old age at all. Relationships, falling in love and sex are for the young, thin and healthy, therefore any manifestations of sexuality and eroticism at an older age (and the “older age” for sex in Russia is 45-60 years old) are surrounded by an aura of shame. Nevertheless, Russians over 60 are engaged in sex - and, as sociologists of the RANEPA found out, they are even ready to talk about it. The head of the study, Dmitry Rogozin, notes that women are much more willing and more relaxed about relationships and intimacy: apparently, this is due to the fact that all romantic themes are labeled as "feminine", and it is not impressive to discuss this with men, therefore they are developed at the level of boasting to boys. It is important to understand that not only glamorous slender old women like Buddy Winkle are engaged in sex - the most ordinary elderly people also have an intimate life, those who have never surfed the Internet, live in a small city, watch a talk show on Channel One and embodies other stereotypes about old age in Russia.
Life hacking and security
If you enter "sex and the elderly" in the search bar, you will get a bunch of links to porn. In the English-language search, porn also comes across, but the situation is generally better: on request "sex seniors", there are links to lifestyle publications for older people with tips, safety rules, forums for dating and personal stories. Western doctors and researchers of sexuality are sure that there is nothing abnormal in the intimate life of older people, but they emphasize the need for sexual intercourse: not everyone knows that after menopause, condoms are also needed - pregnancy certainly will not come, but you can easily pick up the infection.
We once wrote a text about the fact that an erect penis is not necessary for sex - the same idea is promoted by specialists who advise sexually active retirees. Mature age - it's time to reconsider the relationship to intimacy in principle and expand your sexual practices: changes in the body and some diseases do not always make it possible to have sex just like in youth, but they include imagination and force you to try new things. Massage, oral sex, long foreplay, hugs and touches - these and many other sexual practices are available even to the most elderly couples.
The Internet is full of instructions for those who are planning to resume sex life after a heart attack or stroke, suffer from joint pain and other health problems.
The Internet is full of instructions for those who plan to resume sex life after a heart attack or stroke, recovering from a hip fracture, suffering from joint pain and other health problems. Women after menopause are advised not to skimp on lubrication, and also not to endure the pain and go to a doctor with any complaints - for some reason only a small part of sexually active retirees use this option. The right to sexuality is also recognized for the residents of nursing homes - in progressive institutions, older people are given the opportunity to retire and distribute free condoms, and formed couples can live together. This is not a call for debauchery, but respect: the elderly are often treated as helpless children, even if their intellect is OK, and they are deprived of their last bits of independence.
If the idea of sex in 80 years still seems ridiculous to you, you can remember that in Pushkin's time a 25-year-old woman was considered an honorable lady, and a 50-year-old woman was an old woman, but the average life expectancy and ideas about old age have changed a lot since then . If modern Russian pensioners are primarily Soviet people and are not accustomed to talk about sex, in the west 80-year-olds are those who hung out at Woodstock, lived in hippie communes, participated in the Stonewall riots, demonstrations in May 1968 and the first gay Parades - or at least watched these events in the news. Those who were sexually active in their youth do not want to stop because of someone's prejudices - so one should expect even more from the current generation of emancipation and sex questions.
Photo: Land of Women, Peter Rommel Productions, Fabula
