Always ready: Do men need sex toys?
Sex toys are gradually out of the taboo - Now it's just one of the easiest and most understandable ways to diversify your sex life and get to know your own body better. And yet in this subject there is still a lot of unsaid. We tried to figure out why in the world where Hitachi Magic Wand had become a familiar device since the Time of Sex and the City, the most famous male masturbator, Fleshlight, is still treated with at least fear or contempt.
It is foolish to deny that female and male sexuality is still perceived differently. They ignored the first one for a long time: until the 1990s, scientists could not even imagine how the clitoris was arranged. Men have historically felt freer in sex, but ideas about their sexuality are also surrounded by stereotypes. It is believed that men are arranged very simply: they are always ready for sex and, unlike women, who need complex manipulations to orgasm, they should have enough pair of simple movements. "Unfortunately, male sexuality is traditionally understood as primitive, the purpose of which is solely to obtain an orgasm. It is often assumed that the male erogenous zone is the same as the penis, and any variety is from the evil one. This cannot but impose restrictions on the process of male sexuality research" - explains psychologist Alexander Serov.
Male masturbation is spoken about more openly - in Russian, for example, there is almost no neutral word describing female masturbation, but jokes with the verb “masturbate” sound with enviable regularity. It is believed that all men masturbate, but those who admit that they do this are considered “strange” or “losers”: a “real” man can get any partner, so masturbation is supposedly a defeat. In addition, the image of a masturbating woman is much more sexualized: this story, for example, is often found in porn.
Pop culture maintains a wary attitude towards male masturbation - remember the strange and awkward heroes of "American Pie" or "Lars and a real girl." "In itself, an act of masturbation is at best understood as something forced, replacing" real "sex in the absence of a partner, at worst - as a bad habit that testifies to a man's sexual insolvency," says Alexander Serov. - With such disrespect for the process which gives you pleasure, the possibility of his upgrade in the form of buying a toy masturbator is a luxury. "
All this is reflected in the attitude towards sex toys: if gadgets for women are increasingly being spoken of as a way to recognize yourself and your body, then toys for men are first and foremost a replacement for a partner, and nothing more. A striking example is the story of the masturbator Fleshlight, one of the world's most famous sex gadgets for men. Its inventor Steve Shubin jokingly told his wife that he needed something for a while until the couple could have sex (both were about forty when the woman became pregnant, and the doctors advised them to refrain to reduce the risk of miscarriage) - so the masturbator appeared . Shubin believes that Fleshlight helps a man to fulfill his “biological needs” without harming women: “They [women] do not exist to satisfy our sexual needs; responsible men decide this question themselves. I know that if I don’t manage my I’ll be angry with my wife because she’s not as sexually active as I would like. I had to grow up and learn to cope on my own. She’s not an escort or sex device, ”he says.
Many sex toys are still being positioned as a way to replace a partner, no matter how similar they are to a living person — from realistic full-height dolls to individual body parts with names like Fuck My Face Blonde or Jenna's Perfect Pair.
“Toxic forms of masculinity limit masculinity to such an extent that any deviation from the norm means that you are no longer a man,” says Harris O'Malley, relationship coach and author of the blog Paging Dr. Nerdlove The idea that sex toys are needed only by "not courageous" men also influences the way they are advertised - for example, masturbators are often positioned as trainers for increasing endurance, which should help a man in "normal" sex with a partner.
“Talking about the use of sex toys in Russia is not directly accepted,” said Andre Lenz, the exclusive distributor of the Fun Factory brand in Russia. “All Russian men are not gay, not bi, but exclusively and only 100% straight men who always rely on their masculine dignity and only on him. And if sex toys do come to the point, then all the talk about it will be at the level of anecdotes and greasy jokes. No one will ever admit directly that he bought himself something in a sex shop, except packs of condoms - anyway If we're talking about generations, formed in 70-90 th. " In this case, Lenz notes that younger men are more liberated in matters of sex gadgets. Paired gadgets and teledildonics, which couples need to have sex at a distance, help to “normalize” the use of sex toys - but all of them only complement “traditional” sex.
“Lelo produces toys for women, men and couples. Toys for women are the most popular category and the most extensive today. However, toys for men are now about as popular as toys for couples,” said Stewart Nugent, brand content. manager of the company Lelo, which produces sex toys. Marina Astrup, head of the Eroshop.Ru online store, says prostate massagers are one of the most frequently purchased gadgets by Russian men, along with masturbators and women's toys: "Someone really cares about the prostate and their own health, but more often men take this kind of massagers for It is very simple to distinguish one from the other: those who are prescribed prostate massage try to take something of smaller size, while others choose toys of the maximum size. Among men we are very popular on, for example, inflatable butt plug. "
At the same time, heterosexual men are often embarrassed by the fact that they like anal gadgets - this can supposedly mean that they are homosexual, despite the fact that pegging is a common heterosexual practice. “The unpopularity of penetrating toys can probably be explained by the fact that for many heterosexual men, any sexual practices related to the anus and prostate are taboo. Recognizing this facet of your sexuality can cause a partner to misunderstand you and a battery of homophobic jokes among your buddies”, - notes Alexander Serov.
Sam Jones's Diary sex blog author Tatyana Nikonova sees several more reasons for the unpopularity of male sex toys and their monotony: “Firstly, the stereotype that men do not need much, there is no sense to include fantasy - it’s enough just to provide stimulation. toys look dull, and conceptually they are mostly banal. " In her opinion, men are not in the habit of discussing their own feelings and experiences, so it’s difficult for them to perceive devices as a way to gain new experience, which is why the market itself does not develop.
"There are dozens of women bloggers telling about devices for adults, revealed pros and cons, and personal experience of using them, but not men, and the overwhelming part of the materials about toys are editorial with stories about the functionality of devices, and not about give deeds, "she notes. Tatyana Nikonova is sure that women are more diverse and the basic set for their stimulation will be more complicated than the male one; In addition, it is customary to put experiments on a couple on women: “Their discomfort is less taken into account, and if a man wants diversity, he would rather buy a butt plug with rhinestones for a girlfriend or wife, rather than a masturbator with a tickler for himself. So the main buyer of sex toys Russia is still a man, but he buys mostly women. "
Alexander Serov believes that the statement about male "simplicity" versus female "complexity" is controversial: "It is not clear by what criteria we will compare this" complexity "and what it will give us. Rather, it is important to recognize that any person’s sexuality, regardless of gender, gender and sexual orientation, should not be understood primitively, limiting the conventions and specific practices. " Nevertheless, the idea that men can simply enjoy masturbation with sex toys is still considered radical. This is evident by the way advertising sex toys: in online stores you can see phrases like “Too busy, too modest for casual romance, those who left the life situation alone, we invite you to order male sex toys according to your taste and give yourself the legal pleasure to which every adult person is entitled "- as if in order to use the gadget, a man necessarily needs a good reason, and first of all - the absence of a partner.
One of the few who is trying to position toys for men simply as a way to have fun is Blewit. She offers "conscious masturbation," which differs from what men are used to: masturbating in secret and trying to reach orgasm as soon as possible before they are caught. Conscious masturbation means that you need not to hurry, do not be ashamed of and concentrate not on the final goal, but on feelings in general and on what gives pleasure.
A separate question is the appearance of male sex toys: they are considered ugly at best, and frightening at worst. The main reason is their naturalism. For example, over the twenty years of its existence, the famous Fleshlight masturbator has hardly changed outwardly - this is an anatomical device, which over the years has begun to look just more believable. These are not the only physiological sex toys: dolls and masturbators that imitate the vagina, anus or mouth, occupy a significant part of the market. Of course, realistic dildos designed for women also exist, but this is only part of the range - even among them there are quite a lot of dildos of unusual shapes and colors, a little resembling the average member. This is important, given that the diversity among male sex toys is in principle less.
Many manufacturers of sex toys still believe that the female body is the only way to bring pleasure to a man, and use for this purpose that which imitates him in whole or in part. Just look at Fleshlight: the company has a line of masturbators - porn star casts, it is not only a way to “have sex” with a star, but also practically an extreme form of objectification - a person is literally reduced to one function and one body part.
Since sex toys for men are considered to be primarily a substitute for sex with a partner, many manufacturers do not want the toy to give men more pleasure or unusual sensations - instead, they try to recreate the sensations of "ordinary" sex with a partner as much as possible. And if the consumer stops to consider masturbation as a “temporary substitute” for sex with a partner, and the manufacturer will not be limited to proven schemes and standard approaches, everyone will benefit. There is no reason to perceive a woman as an object of male pleasure and as the only way to get this pleasure.
Photo: Fleshlight (1, 2), Intimshop (1, 2), Blewit
