"Will not marry? For God's sake": What are the school feminist

In recent years, about feminism in Russia began to talk much more - and the new generation often refuses to live in obedience to traditional attitudes. Adolescents find it harder to confront public opinion than adults: they are constantly pressured by relatives, teachers and peers. To have a conscious position is generally harder, if you constantly have to prove that you have a right to it. We talked with five feminist schoolgirls about whether they defend their views in the family and at school and how they cope with the pressure of their elders.

I was not a feminist for the night, I went to this for a long time. At first I was watching femvideo bloggers like Nicky Vodwood, lacigreen and Feminist Frequency, and later subscribed to several more telegram channels. I think that I realized that I was a feminist in August 2017, when I was in England. There I met a Russian-speaking guy, and somehow I started talking about feminism. He asked me: "Tell me, when did men oppress you?" I immediately remembered many cases. A few days later I returned home. In the morning I went to the gym, two men of thirty - thirty five years old came out to the alley. Suddenly, I felt that I was grabbed by the elbow. Looked around - it was one of them. I was so shocked that I couldn’t say anything, I simply jerked and added a step.

I was not afraid of persecution, but it became so disgusting to me that unfamiliar men could so easily come and grab me. And they spat on my personal boundaries and feelings! Then I realized that such an attitude towards girls, girls and women is the norm, it is not condemned. A few days later a friend got into a similar situation, and this was a turning point.

I do not hide my views, but I still try not to provoke people into discussions. If someone in a conversation with me raises this topic, then I will express my opinion honestly. The main thing that close support. But, of course, I also come across misunderstanding. Many people do not understand the nature of feminism, its meaning. I heard how feminism was called "the trend of Western fashion" and said that young people "will rise and calm down". Teenagers also feel free to insult feminists. It seems that several times I could not stand it and answered their words. I sometimes even listen, and the conversation stops.

Educators prefer not to talk to us about feminism. And to be honest, the class is not very interesting: usually, those who are more active discuss with the teachers not the women's agenda, but the policy. Somewhere in the middle of the year, a set of textbooks for eleventh grades, "The Basics of Family Life," came to school. This course is a disaster. For example, in the textbook it is written that a woman should be around the obedient spouse, and the family should be the main value for both men and women. It was mentioned that the purpose of any woman is to be a good wife and mother, and nothing else. A lot of gender stereotypes that cast the century so in the nineteenth. But we did not study the subject itself, but only flipped through the textbooks, so I won’t tell you everything.

The situation as a whole, in my opinion, is still not hopeless - any of us can help change it. You can start with family and friends. To correct them, to explain why some of their words about women can be offensive, why a woman, like any man, cannot be touched without permission. Rarely a girl has never faced gender discrimination, insults and harassment. Therefore, it is important for us to know about rights and that we can calmly say no to a man or a woman who force us to do something. So I understand feminism.

In my family, equality and respect for each other’s opinions are accepted. Therefore, when in the news I heard stories about the oppression of women, rape, discrimination, I could not understand how this can happen in the real world. When I matured, I began to study this question in more detail, read articles and listened to the stories of real people. I got acquainted with many feminists and anti-sexists in Instagram, and this greatly influenced my opinion. I speak calmly about my views, if they ask me about it, or if a particular situation touches me. Of course, I also encountered confusion, but not so often. Mostly my friends and family support me.

At school, gender discrimination is. For example, at the end of each quarter, only girls clean the classroom, and the boys go home, because "getting out is women's work." And we can’t do anything about it: I tried to act, but nobody especially supports me. Everyone prefers to keep silent, but I do not want to start a scandal, because anyway it will lead to nothing. The guys in high school generally behave calmly. Although, of course, it happens that individuals can let go of any comment like "cool tits" or, for example, hit the fifth point, but now it does not happen as often as before.

But, I remember how the situation in the seventh grade worsened, we were going to discuss the problem. Then one boy constantly clung to me, literally did not let me pass, and once I could not stand it, slightly pushed him. Of course, nothing serious happened to him - he was bigger and more powerful than me twice. But what a noise raised his mother! When at the meeting they began to discuss the behavior of the boys, she jumped up from her seat and shouted at me - I hit her son! Interestingly it turns out - boys can paw girls, can molest and humiliate, and girls can't give change. As a result, the meeting did not end there.

I study in a gymnasium, but teachers come across different. For example, I had a life safety teacher who once said that having a child is the main task of a woman. And it is desirable to do this immediately at eighteen or even earlier, because then the body, in her opinion, "wears out." I tried to argue with her, but she did not want to listen to me. Why discuss something with a person who is not ready for this?

But I think that it is possible and necessary to deal with it! Women need to stop being afraid to express their opinions. We must try not to depend on men, not to make their words law and not to restrain ourselves in something for the sake of creating a family, for example. As some say: "Do you want to give birth? I will not marry you." Well, for God's sake!

There are no strict gender roles in my family, and I have never been told that, since I’m a girl, something should automatically happen. Therefore, for the first time I encountered gender discrimination in school. I study in a technical lyceum, we have a few girls, and I try not to mention my views - ridicule and mockery will fall down right away. This has already happened, and, frankly, I have lost all hope of proving something to my peers. It takes a lot of effort, but a serious dialogue never works.

Our lyceum is one of the best in the region, but gender discrimination is the same here as elsewhere. At the lessons of work we were frightened by the fact that we would never marry if we did not learn to blindly make the perfect borscht and perfectly sew the skirts-sun. In physics, we were somehow told that a techie girl was a misunderstanding and almost a mistake of nature. And how can you not be indignant?

There are still a lot of problems. Every year, for example, the same story is repeated: a couple of high school students appear, after two months they part with the scandal, and photos of this girl fly out of school, which she clearly would not like to show to others. And there, they are as lucky: sometimes they don’t go beyond the school, sometimes the whole city knows about it (and we don’t have it very big, they all know each other), and sometimes it almost goes to porn sites. The persecution begins, it even reaches persecution, a girl can be constantly filmed on camera and posting records on the Web. But if the story reaches the teachers, then the victim is always blamed for everything (they say, the fool herself, she is still small) can be put on the school account. The guy who behaved like this is just a little bit scolded and released. I do not feel safe in such a group. Who knows what else can happen?

I myself am still afraid to go to rallies and really fight, but sincerely support and proud of those who have already decided on this.

I came to feminism somewhere at the beginning of this school year. A friend invited me to the "May Day March", and after that I began to study the history of feminism. Soberly assessed the situation and realized what horror is happening now. This changed my attitude towards myself, almost suppressed the internal misogyny. I opened my eyes to the terrible situation of girls in a patriarchal society.

But I could, without a shiver in my voice, call myself a feminist only three months ago, because I was afraid of criticism. Now many people condemn people actively defending their position. In addition, my environment has always supported the patriarchal foundations. For example, the mother once asked: "Is a feminist a synonym for the word lesbian?" And I always came up with a stereotypical image: I have a short haircut, I am modest, not very popular among peers, I prefer to talk about myself as a man. Therefore, it became a habit of joking with family and friends, and therefore I myself could not admit to myself in my views.

I do not hide from anyone that I am a feminist, and I openly talk about it. For example, now I am in an educational center in a foreign city. Here everything is arranged according to the type of camp: the pupils live in teams, study together, spend their free time together, sleep and eat. And just yesterday I ran into open misunderstanding on the part of a girl from our team. I mentioned that I support feminism, but she twisted her face and began to ask me why I think that this is correct, and if I am a “femka”, then why beautiful. Of course, this is very incorrect, but I still try to restrain the reaction in order not to inflate the conflict.

Because of the appearance, I also often feel the pressure. For example, my mother never liked that I looked masculine. Classmates were whispering behind my back, and sometimes laughed in my face. Now everything is relatively settled.

It was, of course, very unpleasant, but my father and elder sister helped me. However, I still can not say that I managed to finish. I started having serious problems with mental health: I had difficulty getting out of an eating disorder, I still can’t cope with self-harm, I have panic attacks and nightmares, anxiety and social phobia. While I try to fight on my own, but my number of the crisis center in St. Petersburg is hammered into my contacts. True, I am very afraid of the violent reaction of parents, if I still have to go there. Feminism helps a little to cope, to accept myself, and sometimes I even feel harmony with myself.

My acquaintance with feminism and bodypositive began with blogs on instagram and YouTube: Nick Wodwood and Olya Kass influenced me a lot. To be honest, at first I treated it with irony, because from childhood I heard jokes about feminists everywhere. Then I stumbled upon the blog of Niki Vodwood, which told in great detail what feminism is. After that, I realized that sexism really is, I began to notice it on myself and on others. Women continue to experience moral and physical violence, humiliate, shame and discriminate. And you can't just close your eyes to this.

I am not afraid to say that I am a feminist, but I cannot participate in rallies and festivals yet - they simply do not hold them in my city. I often watch broadcasts from demonstrations and wholeheartedly support them. Most peers share my views, but for now these are only girls. Among the guys there are still those who are sure that the place of the woman is in the kitchen, and vulgar jokes and jokes are almost compliments. I also encounter a lack of understanding: teachers, mother, grandmother, and in general older people simply cannot accept it as easily. In addition, there are a lot of stereotypes about feminists. For example, my mother is still confident that all feminists hate men and none of them ever get married.

Once again, I spoke with one terribly fanatical sexist (by the way, this is the mayor of my city). For almost two hours he tried to convince me that women are nobody, that we must obey men, that women are not at all able to compete with men. He told me about his family, in which absolute patriarchy reigns, and the voices of his wife and daughter are counted last. In my opinion, this is terrible.

At school, gender discrimination is clearly there, and often it comes from teachers. Sometimes it comes to delirium. For example, we talked about choosing a profession, and I shared that I dream of becoming a tattoo master. The teacher just exploded: a whole lesson told that the tattoo master is not a female profession. I also recently began to write in instagram about feminism and bodypositive. When the teachers learned about this, they began to make fun of me frankly. Some just made fun, someone even asked to remove the blog, so as not to “disgrace the school”. At first I tried to defend my point of view, but soon I realized that it was useless. Neither teachers, nor peers will not change their opinion until they themselves want to. In this case, it is better to wait for them to vote, and to endure. This is better than a long and useless conflict.

Those several times, when I did argue with teachers about feminism, did not end up with anything constructive. I reprimanded what a terrible generation we are. And, of course, I will grow up - I understand how wrong I was, and when I get married, all my feminism will finally evaporate. It's funny, to be honest. Or rather sad.

But if we enlighten people, it will be easier for us. And still it is very necessary to pay attention to education - in Russia there is no sex education at all, many women and girls are embarrassed to talk about ordinary things, and men do not learn to control themselves.

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