For the eyes: Why gossip is not prohibited
We used to condemn gossips and ourselves, when we find that we have been discussing the personal life of a distant friend at a party for half an hour. Cultural attitudes and common sense clearly tell us that talking nasty things behind the eyes is obviously bad, and talking innocently about someone else's life is flat and unintelligent. But in fact, such bans only make one nervous: according to various estimates, from 60 to 90% of all conversations between people can be called gossip, and the tabloid industry does not lose ground.
Music, politics, art, sports - all these topics, says evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar, worry us much less than discussing a new car of a former classmate, and take only a third of the time for all conversations. In Dunbar's theory, this does not at all indicate a decline in morals, but, on the contrary, explains the rules of human existence.
In his view, gossip, that is, the dissemination of information about community members, is hardly the main task of the language. Dunbar attributed the formation of this function to the period when the ancient people began to live in larger communities and physically could not observe each of its members - in exchange, they had to share information verbally. Dunbar believes that "gossip" gave the ancient people a sense of unity and the ability to adapt to the world through talk. And modern people are not far from them.
Party Interests
Gossip still establishes informal rules of behavior in the community. A 1985 survey among companies in Silicon Valley showed that gossip heard from colleagues helped new employees to adapt to the workplace - so they learned how to behave in the office and how to establish constructive communication with the authorities. By approving or decrying someone's behavior in a conversation with a cooler in the office or at a family dinner, employees define the limits of what is permissible in a team — for example, can you organize alcoholic parties in the office?
Researchers believe that gossip helps us act in the interests of the collective, limiting our own egoism. “Even when we communicate with someone we never see again, we remember that people always gossip and everything we do will be known to everyone in one way or another,” said Matthew Feinberg, a professor of organizational behavior at the University of Toronto. In other words, the rumors that circulate around us, not only frighten us, but also discipline.
One of the studies of Feinberg shows that when the participants in a group game where they need to cooperate get the opportunity to gossip about each other’s behavior and exclude egoists from the game, the latter, returning in the next round, begin to behave much better. The researchers note that gossip in the interests of the collective is much better than rumors, which are distributed only in their own interests. And, by the way, the idea that "nobody loves gossips" is a myth. Nobody, of course, did not cancel the reluctance to share personal with the main talker in the office for reasons of common sense. But a number of studies prove that gossip, especially innocent ones, helps to get close to the interlocutor or the whole team, and even increases the amount of oxytocin in the blood.
Feinberg and his colleagues also found out that we are getting nervous if we are not able to talk about the unacceptable behavior of a person to other members of the group, while being able to gossip and share this knowledge, on the contrary, helps to relax. A similar study by the University of Berkeley proves that in a money game, people are willing to pay for the opportunity to spread gossip about the selfish behavior of one of the game participants, even if it does not worsen the result of the cheater. In general, when it comes to rogues, gossip becomes a vital necessity for team members.
Increase self-esteem
It is believed that, speaking unpleasant things about others, we are trying to increase our importance - in general it is true, gossip increases our self-esteem, but it works harder. When we share good news about other people or hear them from someone, we get inspired and try to be better. When we say something negative about others, we also grow in our own eyes against their background. However, researchers at the University of Groningen say that this feeling also has an unpleasant taste: evil gossip makes us nervous and suspect that unpleasant things also tell us about ourselves.
We often gossip to increase our authority, almost unconsciously. Business psychologist Nigel Nicholson cited his meeting with a jazzman as an example, telling him that some famous musicians are overrated, while many talented performers never get the recognition they deserve, clearly hinting at themselves. Gossip is also an instrument of competition. The study, which was conducted among American students in 2017, comes to the logical conclusion that people with a high propensity to compete are more inclined to gossip.
At the same time gossip helps us to learn from other people's examples. In one study in 2004, published in the journal Review of General Psychology, the authors note that the stories of other people's failures help to behave more cautiously - if only because they are remembered much better than positive examples. And you can think about your behavior strategies and learn from someone else’s experience, even considering the TMZ website. The Belgian psychiatrist Charlotte de Backer believes that our interest in celebrity’s personal life is dictated by the need for role models that may be absent in real life, but without critical reflection there will be more problems than good from such hobbies.
Chatter from boredom
In pressurized and conservative communities, gossip can be very toxic. Evil conversations can not only unfairly exclude a person from society, but also lead to harassment and, as a result, to serious psychological consequences for the victim. Facing slatsharing in a small town can turn a victim’s life into survival. What to say about situations where gossipers begin to feel their power (and the spread of rumors may well raise the social status), and, inventing stories, turn the lives of people that they simply do not like into hell.
However, we often gossip simply because we are afraid of appearing boring interlocutors, says psychologist Andrea Bonior and suggests thinking about his motivations before sharing fresh rumors. Sometimes we want to get close to someone or make the conversation more interesting, but we don’t find another way. In this case, it makes sense to think about other ways to make friends or stand out. Psychologist Maria Dolgopolova believes that rumors create a feeling of stability: people often fill in gaps in information with various fictions, because rumors remove a feeling of discomfort and uncertainty. The best proof of this is the popularity of conspiracy theories in authoritarian regimes.
Psychologists are increasingly urging us to blame ourselves a little less for discussing the lives of others. And in journalistic circles, for example, it is customary to joke that politics is a set of gossips. If life without gossip seems to be gray and plotless, you should remember the golden rule of morality: you shouldn’t say nasty things without good reason. Psychologists remind people that they are inclined to try on the qualities of the people about whom the interlocutor speaks about him. So, choosing between the "bad" and "good" gossip, it is more profitable to dwell on the latter - it will spread to you.
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