Write against the wind: Why is it time to remove the taboo from the toilet theme
Olga Lukinskaya
Those who have been in Barcelona for the new year, could not but pay attention on kaganer figures sold in every souvenir shop - men squatting without pants and meeting great needs (actually, the word caganer is translated as "popping"). For tourists from Russia, they evoke mixed feelings - from the sensation of a dirty joke to disgust; having only lived in Catalonia for several years, I thought that now I perceive these toys quite calmly. My son, when he grows up, will probably be easier to surprise by the fact that Santa Claus has a granddaughter than popping Christmas characters. Let us see why the toilet theme is so stigmatized in the Russian-speaking space and whether it’s time to start treating it easier.
Of course, the Mediterranean coast is a powerful agricultural zone, and the local culture is concentrated around food and table. This means that around everything that happens with food in the body (people and animals), and what it turns into. In the end, the volume of rains and fertility of the local soil depend - although now and to a lesser extent than before - the incomes of many people, and what fertile soil will do without fertilizer in the form of excrement? Daria Gavrilova, a journalist, a guide in Barcelona, the author of the “Balalaika Almost Guitar” blog about Barcelona and Spain and the patriarchy, burn the feminist channel, says that modern kaganers are the “descendants” of a simple peasant figure that the Catalans put on a Christmas toy for Christmas den, to urge fertile year. Now on the store shelves every year new kaganers appear in the images of politicians (this year Donald Trump and Carles Puchdemon are in the lead), artists and football players, and schoolchildren are taken to the theater for the play "Three Little Pigs" crap one's head out of fear. Another most important local Christmas character is Kagatyo, a log that the children beat with sticks, singing a festive song: "A log, a log, cocoa with almonds, sweets and gifts!"
The fact that people here calmly say “I went to the toilet” without using euphemisms like “powdering my nose” is surprisingly surprised by unaccustomed behavior - and at first it even seems strange, because there are absolutely neutral options like “I'll be right back” or ” I'll go wash my hands. " It turns out that for people living here, a message about going to the toilet is such a neutral option, no worse than others: everyone goes to the toilet and it’s not shy. Diarrhea as the cause of a short-term hospital is no different from a cold, and you can talk about it out loud in the same way. Of course, this is not a topic for a fascinating conversation at dinner, but there is nothing to hide here - we after all calmly mention snot at a cold. Daria Gavrilova notes that, although no one has canceled questions of relevance and irrelevance, attempts to pretend that physiological processes do not concern you, or even be ashamed of them - this is a direct path to neuroses. All people eat and go to the toilet, women have menstruation, and from bad food anyone can pull out. The ability to discuss such processes is important — for example, with a calm attitude to physiology, it is easier to detect a serious illness earlier.
For a child, everything in this world is new and amazing. The fact that food enters the body through a hole in the head, and comes out through the ass, about equally important and interesting processes for him
According to psychotherapist Ekaterina Sigitova, the topic of toilet visits is embarrassing for most people of very different cultures, and for some people it is a shame to even be noticed on the way to or from the toilet. The problem has a rather long history, and the expression “princesses are not pooped” for many years. More often, it is women who suffer from this stigma, because in the world of objectification they are required to smell, smell and not have any visible physiology. But, as the expert notes, it goes to men: can a strong and courageous macho confess that he ate something wrong and that he has diarrhea? As a result, our perfectionist world creates a very narrow framework for living people who sweat, poop and pee.
It is terrible to think how many first dates fell through due to the fact that the person urgently needed to go to the toilet, and he was ashamed to admit it. Sigitova notes that although it’s not worth discussing this topic - the interlocutor will not understand, but if there is some problem related to the toilet, and it prevents you from attending a date or a meeting, you need to report it, and directly and openly. First, the more you hide at the beginning of a relationship, the less your potential partner contacts with your true personality - he may eventually be in a relationship with a false, non-existent version of you. Secondly, adequate people, even having behind them a cultural background in the form of toilet shaming, are able to respond normally to such news and even offer help. If the reaction is obviously strange and involves trying to shame you - it is quite possible that a person will not be able to stay together in the future when the physiological manifestations of your body for some reason will not suit him.
Attitude to the toilet as a topic that is not talked about and which should be embarrassed is laid in childhood - at the same time when parents are embarrassed to call their genitals with their names. And while illiteracy in this regard leads to an increase in the risk of sexual violence, not everyone admits that it is necessary to ask for sex questions. It is the same with questions concerning the toilet bowl and intestines: in many families they are not discussed at all, forming an attitude as something shameful. Yes, young children sometimes have an interest in their own feces, which seems excessive to adults - but for a child, everything in this world is new and surprising. The fact that food enters the body through a hole in the head, and comes out through the ass, is about equally important and interesting processes for it. Of course, you need to teach children hygienic skills, and then discuss the relevance of a topic in a conversation, but you should not teach them to be ashamed of their body - this does not lead to good.
If in Europe and America to discuss these delicate topics with children, they print suitable books, then the Russian business of publishing them is afraid. As Galina Bocharova, an employee of the Samokat publishing house, and the author of the telegram channel What Does Freken Bux think? Tells, people see something terrible in discussing the toilet theme with children. When in 2011 the publishing house Melik-Pashayev released the classic book already in Europe “The Little Mole Who Wanted to Know Who Done It”, it simply blew up the market. You can still read the indignant reviews of parents that a mentally ill person wrote a book (as if mentally healthy people do not poop) and that it’s quite natural to write such a book only for Germans (Russians don’t poop too). In one of the reviews, studying the topic is compared to harming at all: "And if children like to look at kaki, does this mean that an adult should offer him to go see them? And children also like to climb roofs, jump from swings and throw packages with water from the windows. "
It's time to start treating the toilet more calmly - as well as menstruation, under each of our materials about which the comment "you still write poop" appears
According to Bocharova, after the law “On protecting children from harmful information,” publishers try to be very careful about the content and illustrations - and they can be understood, because no one wants a scandal. Nevertheless, we should discuss all the topics traditionally tabooed with our children: the toilet, the death of relatives, and the divorce, and the changes in the growing body, and sex. A child grows up and asks a lot of questions, and they need to be able to answer with dignity and fairness, and children's books are a great helper in such conversations. To discuss a complex topic through a book is much easier for the parent himself.
Children's poet Masha Rupasova on her Facebook said that when she published the first book, she included all the poems, except for one, about the poop: "And it turns out in our children's literature that there is a phenomenon of great importance - but there are no poems about it. Or rather, I have - but how to print is not clear. " According to her, awareness is always better than silence, but each age needs its own tonality. At the age of two years in the toilet theme there is no shame, sheer acceptance and respect, because two-year-olds have a great attitude to themselves and to any product of their labor. Six-year-olds or seven-year-olds no longer need romance, but a delicate scientific approach in talking about the body, and especially about the toilet. Rupasova says that in Canada, where she lives, classes devoted to the body of a person (Body Science) begin at school from the age of six - and this is more than awareness and vocabulary for talking about your body. It also safety, and health, and increase in life expectancy. In the Russian-speaking environment, families lack literacy in matters of human structure, which, of course, does not contribute to the health of children or parents.
Literacy is including the ability to talk about your body, call its parts and the processes under its own name and understand when it's time to ask for help. Chronic constipation, diarrhea, flatulence, traces of blood in the stools - this is the reason to go to the doctor feel free. Unfortunately, if you pretend for a long time that the intestine does not exist, it will not save it from diseases - and it is better to loudly discuss any problems with your doctor in a timely manner than to learn about intestinal cancer in the terminal stage. Enlightenment in this delicate matter is not an easy task, but you can also cope with it inventively; For example, in the famous video about how to sit on the toilet, the main character is a unicorn, popping rainbow ice cream. In the end, absolutely all people go to the toilet, and it’s time to start treating this fact more calmly - as well as menstruation, under each of our materials about which the comment “you still write about poop” appears.
cover:Valerii Zan - stock.adobe.com